Eulogy

I gave the Eulogy at my Grandma's Funeral this morning. You will recognise alot of it. People liked it. Lots of people commented on it. That and the fact I look like my Grandma. She was beautiful, I'm glad I look like her:

"My Grandma died last Monday and I've not yet shed a tear.
My Grandma was a woman of God, and last week He called her home to be restored to Glory with Him.
My Grandma had Alzheimer's disease. This meant that her true character and her soul have been fading for many years. This has been sad to see and experience. There was nothing any of us could do except feel frustrated and helpless. I am thankful that my uncle, my mother and my father spent time with her towards the end, just being with her.
My Grandma was a great woman, with a strength and grace that used to scare me until I eventually understood what it was. As a child I remember her as always being immaculately turned out, hair done, make-up on. She was sometimes stern but always compassionate and I was never in any doubt as to her love for me and my sister irksome as we were!
She had the most amazing experiences throughout her life, as a child in Ireland, a young woman coming to England, as a passenger on a boat torpedoed and sunk in the Irish Sea, in the East-end during the Blitz (although I can’t imagine her as an extra in Albert Square), as an army nurse in the Queen Alexandra’s Royal Army Nursing Corps, at the D-Day Landings – how many people can say that both their grandparents were there? as a wife to my grandfather Tony and a mother to my Uncle John and my mother Aeileish and finally as a grandmother to both me and my younger sister Alice.
Throughout her life she stood strong in her faith and worshipped with conviction and duty. When Alice and I were young we always came to church with her. We were both baptised in this very church. Around the age of nine I stopped coming to church. I remember the feeling of dread telling my Grandma. I’m not sure if she was cross but I have a feeling she kept praying for me.
I came back to faith at the age of 21 and my grandmother’s example has always been an inspiration to me.
As the Alzheimer's began to creep onward, stealing more and more of her essence I began to pray more to God for her. Not for healing but for her restoration.
When I was about six years old I stood in the kitchen of my Grandma's house as she prepared supper and said
"Grandma how long will you live?"
She looked at me, pinny on, tea towel in hand, and said:
"Well I might live long enough to see you married."
To a six-year-old girl, that seems like a long long time.
As I prepared for my wedding eighteen months ago I asked God to let her know that it was OK. I was getting married, and if that was what she had been waiting for, to keep her promise to me, then it was all OK she could go now.
A few months ago she had a fall and broke her hip. Her Alzheimer's made it difficult for the medical staff to communicate with her, they are unprepared and under trained. I prayed that she wouldn't be in too much pain and that God would give her peace and rest.
I hadn't thought about her for a few weeks until last Monday morning. Sitting at the bus stop thoughts of her came into my head and I prayed.I prayed that God would call her home soon. That He would restore her, that he would end her pain. As a caveat I said "Well maybe not before Christmas though, however your timing is perfect Lord. Your timing is perfect."
My Dad's phone call last Monday afternoon was not a surprise and I have felt an enormous sense of peace since. God's timing is perfect.
He put her on my heart and then He called her home and I am thankful that she is safe, healed and restored.
I have not shed many tears; my sadness is outweighed by my awe and wonder at the power of my God, my Grandma's God and our Saviour.
Your timing is perfect Lord.
As the words of my favourite worship song say
"Till he returns, or calls me Home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.""

Angel

God sent me an Angel yesterday morning. The Angel was my father in law.

Let me explain:

I am in my last week of my teaching placement (more about that later) and I am struggling to fend off the lurgy. I am tired. James is working nights which means he gets home at 3am.

On Tuesday night I showered before bed and treated myself to an extra 20 minutes in bed. At the incessant ringing of my alarm I hit the snooze button and as it trilled out a second time I hit off. An hour later at 7.20 am I woke up. Train leaves at 7.49 at least a ten minute walk away.

My hair looked like a hedgerow in a hurricane and I had to have tea to function.

After rushing around, straightening hair, gulping tea and packing lunch and brekkie I was about ready to leave when I had a knock on the front door.

" Who the heck is that? Where are my keys? What do they want?" I thought.

On opening the door I saw my father in law with a bit of carpet - don't ask - long story. Thinking I don't need this right now I tried to be bright and breezy.

Then my father in law utters the word:

"Would you like a lift to the station?"

YES!

So I get transported to the station, giving me time to put my hat and gloves on.

And I get there 2 minutes before my train is due to leave.

I called James to let him know I was OK and what had happened.

"So God answered my prayer then? " he says.

Yes I guess he did, an Angel at my door.

Hannah x

Advent

This year my church has joined the Advent Conspiracy. This is a challenge to take back Advent. It is a challenge to use Advent as it was intended, as a time to prepare for the coming of Jesus, not Christmas!
Our church booklet says:
"Advent is a time which we set aside, to call upon God to break into our lives and our world, to renew and restore us, and to rid the world of evil and establish the new heavens and earth. We look for that breaking in of God in the coming of the Messiah in Bethlehem, and in the coming of the Messiah at the end of history....... Advent is a time of pilgrimage and spiritual preparation – not just a time to plan the practicalities of Christmas! Enjoy this opportunity to be refreshed and revived by God."

In addition to resources to help us pray at home, there is also an Advent prayer room accessible 24 hours a day but additionally with times of led prayer. I am going to spend some time in there this Advent. I might join commuters prayer tomorrow morning at 7am. I might take a night watch as James watches over London on his first real shifts. I want to spend time on my knees, waiting, watching and listening. I want to hear God, and what he has to say to me. I want to invite Him back into my my heart this Advent and take Him with me wherever I go, and give His love to whoever I meet. Come and join me?

Hannah x
Check out Advent Conspiracy for lots more about this - watch the video on the home page. It will make you think.

Friendship

Wikipedia says that


"Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings."


The Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary says a friend is


"someone who is not an enemy and whom you can trust" and "a person whom you know well and whom you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family"


Once again it's Facebook that has got me thinking, and blogging about Friendship. On my Facebook I have all sorts of friends. there are people I was at Uni with, my mooses, my SSAGS friends, and some of the rugby girls. There are the Beccs Ladies. There are people on SCITT with me this year. There are lots of my church friends, and friends from Croydon. There are also a small number of friends I went to school with. They are my 'friends' because I share, or have shared some sort of an experience with them. I have met every single one of them in the flesh. There are some people on there I know much better than others. There are some I see and share time, food, and laughter with regularly. There are others who are further away geographically but whom I'm love dearly and Facebook allows me to keep in touch with them, their lives, their lows and their highs.

There are people who are my friends on Facebook, whom I have not spoken to face to face with for a long time. Lots of these are the people I went to school with. At school I had very few close friends, and my best friends came from my Venture Scout Unit. It was with them I had the most fun and formative years of my life. However looking back through my wedding photos I was a little saddened to see that there was not one person with whom I had shared my school days there, apart from my sister. On the other hand I have achieved so much since I left school, and even university. I have changed enormously as a person and I love the me I am now much better than the me I was at 18, or even 20. Does this mean that I should ditch or ignore those people who were part of the fabric of my past? Does it means that people I shared experiences with at that time, should no longer be considered 'friends'?

A few weeks ago the opportunity arose via Facebook Chat to 'talk' to someone who I have not had any real contact with for about 8 years. This person and I were friends at school, never best friends, but we shared experiences, and laughs together. 8 years ago this person helped me out when I was in quite a low place. Shortly after this I did something that hurt this person. I am not proud of my actions, my timing or my behaviour. A few months later I met James, and by the time that year was out God was in my life. Although I had made my peace with God for what I did, I had never fond the strength, courage or opportunity to apologise to this person, this friend. The virtual conversation we had on Facebook was not easy, pleasant or jovial. Some long hidden truths and anger came out. I was forced to face the consequences of my actions from a different phase of my life. I apologised. I have forgiven myself for what I did but asking for someone else's forgiveness, when it's 8 years late, is not fun and appears to be a very pathetic exercise. I am glad we had our conversation, for me it feels like I have shut a door that was still slightly ajar.

So does that mean that me and this person can continue being 'friends'? Have the last 8 years without contact destroyed this status between us? Or is it that by trying to shut a door, I have in fact opened it wider, leading to more pain and questioning? I now find myself somewhat under attack from this person. They do not understand my faith, or the journey I have been on in the last 8 years. Our lack of shared experience in this time seems to have destroyed the friendship we had before this time.

I like having friends. I like the variety they bring to life. I feel lucky to have gathered so many shared experiences during my life so far. It would be sad to lose one but if the rift is too deep, if our differences are greater than our similarities, if we cannot understand how each other has grown and changed then maybe we find ourselves sharing nothing more than the past and staring into a future without each other.

Hannah

Mrs Gordon

(Thanks to Rach for the photo idea!)

So I am a week and a half into teaching practice and enjoying it. I have become Mrs Gordon, year one teacher!
I am teaching in a class of 5 and 6 year olds. They're lovely. I am still unsure, still feeling my way, still not quite getting it, but it feels OK.
I feel safe and like I can make mistakes. I feel like I am learning, by watching and being in a classroom, and by trying little things out.
I took my first little part of a lesson yesterday, which wasn't so bad and later this week I am taking Guided Reading. My teaching partner is lovely and our mentor's style really suits me.
It all feels a bit surreal quite a lot of the time. I looked around today and thought "This is my life! This is what I do now!"
I thought I would spend half term doing my first assignment, due in early January, and generally beavering away but I mainly rested. I did some prep work for the assignment, and then just mooched. I took a much needed trip westwards to see my sister, and receive her bargain shopping assistance, I had lunch with friends, I dinner with more friends. It was good.
And now I am back in school. In four and half weeks time phase one teaching practice will be over. I will have made a start to my teaching career and I will be ready to step up a gear and get stuck in to my favoured key stage.
I can't think about that too much right now, it scares me and I'm not quite ready for it yet. But I know that it will come and I will be ready. At the moment Year One is where it's at, and I feel that as the thirty children in my class learn new things and have novel experiences so do I. We're all in this together. H x

Wholeness

Last Sunday night's service at church was a service of healing and wholeness. This is something that we do regularly and is encompassed in the regular service. It is a chance to be prayed for with the laying on of hands and to be anointed with oil.

The service more generally was part of a series called 'The Provocative Church' and looked specifically at Christian Community.

During the time given over to prayer and reflection after the sermon I spent time thinking about what Wholeness means and its relationship to healing.

How am I supposed to know when I should be praying for someone to be healed, or if being made whole might mean God calling them home, where they will get rid of their failing earthly body and be restored. How do I pray for someone who is a shell of who they used to be? Someone whose deeds and witness has been locked away in a bosy and mind that can no longer communicate them? What am I praying for? Can I pray for what I want to pray for, can I be brutally honest with God? I want to be, but I am also drawn to pray a pithy 'not my will but yours' prayer. Is this sort of half hearted prayer even worth uttering, does it waste the time of my creator God who knows what is truly on my heart?

I'm not sure I know what to do, or how to pray. All that I know is that I am called to pray and petition God. Perhaps that is all I need to do right now? Acknowledge that I am struggling on this one, and that there is an issue close to my heart that I don't know how to pray through.

Hannah

Doesn't Time Fly

Well it's been well over a month since I walked through the doors of Wandsworth Primary Schools' Consortium to start my journey as a SCITT Trainee. In many ways my old life seems a long way away and I am beginning more to identify myself as a trainee teacher. I struggle with what that means, what is expected of me, what I should be doing and how I should be doing it.

I've had to meet 34 new people, my peers, my fellow SCITTs. These are the people who I am going to go through the ups and downs of the next nine months with! We are a good mixture of people, a wide range of ages, and we bring a wealth of past experience, from teaching assistants, psychologists, OTs, children's tv programme makers, musicians, artists and more. We are all people who have achieved in our careers and made a positive decision to change.


But now, we're all back at square one. We are all starting again. I am confused by how this makes me feel. In some ways I feel grateful that I have decided to change my life. I know that God is right beside me and this is the path He has me walking right now. I know that His will is perfect and pleasing. Starting a new career, a new training has put me back at the bottom of the pile. I feel deskilled, and whilst I don't feel stupid, I don't feel special either. I feel like I've lost my voice, and my identity.

There's a lot of new information too, but nowhere to use it. At the moment it's in files, on my shelves and in my head. I know that's OK and that when I need it I know where to find it. I have learnt and re learnt some stuff and on the whole I am excited

But my overwhelming emotion at the moment is anxiety. Next week is the start of my first phase of school experience. This represents another great unknown. I'm on a paired placement, with another trainee in the same class, and there are four other trainees in the same school. I am not alone! In my head I know that it will be fine, fun and frenetic. It's time to do some real learning, but looking at my School Experience Handbook in back and white with it's tasks and official forms scares me.

I need to get back in touch with the professional, competent, ambitious me. The one who applied to be a teacher, the one who believes that every child has the potential to achieve, the one who knows that all children are special, and given the right opportunities, goals, and chances will succeed. If she comes on teaching practice then it'll be a whole lot easier.

H x

Bye Bye Trixie

Three years ago after my housemates moved to Australia and my sister came to stay for the summer I decided that I needed a furry companion.
Living in a flat at the time I wanted a house cat - one that doesn't go out much. And I wanted an old cat. Kittens are for houses where they can run around and go outside and there are people to play with them. Old cats that find themselves without an owner are difficult to re home. I wanted to give a loving home to an old cat, and give it love, comfort and companionship in its last years.
So at the end of August 2005 Trixie came to live with us. Her owner had gone into a care home and so she needed a new place to live. Her paperwork was immaculate and her vaccination certificate said she had been born in March 1991. This cat was already 14.
She was great fun, enjoyed playing with bits of string, and anything that she could bat across the floor. She wasn't much of a huggable cat, but she liked company on her own terms.
The first night she stayed with us we kept he in the sitting room as instructed. Periodically throughout the night Alice and I could hear her wailing. We'd take it in turns to go in to see what was wrong. We were met by a low warm rumble of her purring and rubbing round our legs. She was lonely.
As she grew to know the flat her favourite place to sleep at night became the bed. On top of us. Or on our heads, or on our pillows. She knew when breakfast time was and was very good at walking on us and giving our heads a gentle tap to ask us to get up and wield the tin opener! In the day she lounged on the big fleecy cushion by the radiator, occasionally letting out little meows as she stretched and caught her paw on the hot metal.
The summer after James moved in he decided that she should go outside. So she did, enjoying the grass, and dust of the garden. She never wanted to stay out long, and would occasionally pop out to see if the outside world was still there. As she got older she did less, and played less and became more grumpy. She was my grumpy old lady.
She wasn't very happy when we moved, and she became noticeably older. She found stairs difficult and was more grumpy.
When we went on holiday last week she went to a cattery. It was sad dropping her off and she looked so old.
Last Monday the cattery phoned and I had a very tough conversation with them. Trixie had become more poorly. She was a very sick cat and we had to make a decision about what to do.
With very sad hearts James and I decided that it would be kinder to let her go there and then, rather than hospitalising her for a week until we came home. The vet who saw her said he thought she had a brain tumour.
It was very sad, and I was upset. I am still sad and the house feels a bit empty. I keep expecting to see her in the mornings or hear her on the laminate downstairs. But she's gone. After 17 and half years.
Tidying away the kitchen I found some cat food. Senior, it said on it, for cats aged 8 plus. It struck me that Trix had been Senior for more than half her life, and that's pretty good. I am glad that she came to live with us and was part of our family. I loved her very much, but I'm glad she's out of pain. H x

Time to turn the page

On Friday I will leave my job after nearly four years. I have had this date on my diary for months now, and I have known I was leaving since 28th November last year. But as I sit here now it all feels a bit real, a bit odd and I am unsure. On Sunday in church as I was praying I had an image come into my mind. I was standing on a huge book. I looked behind me and I could see the fold down the spine and the facing page in the distance. I was quite close to the edge. It felt like I had to step off so that the page could turn over. I was scared but I knew that God was there with me. And that's how I feel. People ask me if I am excited about SCITT but I am not ready to look at that yet. It's on the next page.
I have recycled masses of paper, sorted out files, written handover documents, deleted emails and computer files, handed over the keys to my filing cabinet and now I'm sitting here reflecting.
What does four years of a job look like?
The information in these files cannot possibly convey the conversations I've had, the relationships I've built, the anger I've felt, the good times I've had. It's even hard to portray the progress I've made. What I do is very qualitative, its been about changing attitudes, making links, talking to people and getting people to think differently.
I have changed enormously in the last four years. I started here at the end of August 2004, aged just 24, only one 'real' job under my belt. I have had to change and develop, learn a new jargon. I have grown to understand how things work, how to behave in meetings, how to address professionals and service users. I've learnt to work with people I don't like and to like people I work with. I have learnt not to take things personally. A few weeks ago I found myself chairing part of a meeting with some fairly high level professionals in it. I had a heated discussion with a service user who upped and left saying "I am not being insulted by some young girl." And as he walked out, I held my cool, took a deep breath and carried on. Some young girl I am not anymore.
I am leaving this job as a young professional woman. I hope that I have earned respect from my colleagues. I hope that I have been able to share some of what I have learnt, and worked on. I hope that I have been a good and amiable colleague. I hope that whoever comes in to do this job after me (Watch out for the advert in Wednesday's Guardian, as well as 4 other jobs) has energy and passion and refuels this project to achieve its potential. My time here is done. I am finished. Time to turn the page.
Hannah

When you have no idea what God's up to

I have been following the story of the Lawrenson family since about March this year. It is a story of hope, faith and love. I'm not going to retell it because Nathan Lawrenson has been doing that on his blog Confessions of a CF Husband
There have been times of major celebration, when God's answers to prayer have rung out crystal clear.
But right now God has thrown them another challenge, another battle, another situation where they can do nothing but lean on Him and pray.
And I, along with hundreds of thousands of people around the world, am joining them in their prayers. But the one thing I find myself asking God is: 'What the flippin heck do you think you're doing?' Now I probably have no right the answer but it doesn't stop me from asking it.
I know that prayer is powerful but that doesn't stop mine being full of frustration and anger. He's a Big God, He can take it and His still small voice of calm will provide answers. All we need to do is believe in Him
H x

Growing in faith

Accompanying my decision to step back from my Scout role is a desire to grow in my faith. I 'became a Christian' sometime between the end of 2000 and the middle of 2001, and I was confirmed in May 2002, just before my finals at uni.
I have been on an interesting journey since that time and I now belong to a good church. I have been on a short term mission, I serve at church in various ways. I pray and I read my bible. I have been in the same home group for four and a half years. I got married in my church, making my vows before God, my family and friends.
So what now?
I feel like I need to focus on being a disciple. I know bits about God, His word and His ways. I have a desire to know Him better. I trust in Him and His plan for me but I want to know how to serve Him better.
I want to know what my gifts are, and how I can use them to serve God and bless my family, friends, church and neighbours.
I want to challenge myself without spreading myself too thinly. I want to be hungry for God, for His word, His voice. I want to reflect His ways in mine, and for my life to be worship of Him.
Starting a PGCE in September is going to require a lot of me so I am tempted to rest on my laurels for a year, and shake up my faith nest July. But there is a nagging part of me that thinks drawing closer to God at the same time as my PGCE can only be beneficial. I DO NOT want to DO more, I want to GROW more.
So what should I do and when? God knows!
Hannah x

Learning to let go

I am a yes person. This is on the whole a good thing. It means I try new things, get new experiences, help people out and generally get involved. It does also mean that sometimes I end doing things that I would rather not. Sometimes these things turn out to be good, and I enjoy doing them, I learn from them and I realise that they are part of God's plan for me.

Sometimes these things are not good, I still learn from them, they are still part of God's plan, but it's when He tells me to walk away that I get stuck. I don't like to let people down, and I feel sometimes that if I walk away from something that I have failed.

For a while now I have been realising that the role that I hold within the Scout Group is not for me. There have been a couple of incidents that have made me think that I should not being doing this role, including a time I was reduced to tears. The situation came to a head shortly after James started his new job. It came to a point where a I realised that my role within Scouts was putting pressure on my marriage. Time to step down.

Around the same time Helen gave her last sermon at Emmanuel before moving on to pastures new. In it she spoke about being able to step out of a role and move on when you know its not your gift or your calling. It was one of those loud hailer moments from the pulpit.

Praying about it I felt God telling me to lay down my pride. In my head I didn't want to walk away and let the Scout group down, but God was telling me that it was not my responsibility and that I was not the only person capable of doing the job. I thought back over what I have achieved in the two years since I took the role and I realised that there are good things, and a firm foundation for someone to take forward.

So at my last exec meeting I took a deep breath and told them. I am going to carry on as normal until September and then from then until December I am going to do bare minimum and then step down at the end of the year. If someone comes forward before then I Will step down before then.

It was tough, letting go, giving the situation to God and asking Him to find someone to take on the role. It was tough to tell the exec that I am not going to continue. I felt bad, but I also know that I need to do this for me. I need to let go and concentrate on the gifts God has given me and the calling He has made to me.

Ch ch ch ch changes

Common wisdom would have it that you should get married, buy a house, settle down and have 2.4 children, or whatever the national average is these days.

James and I can tick off one, and two. Half way there.

As for three? Errrr not exactly.


You may remember that last Summer, shortly after we got married I started considering a change in career, and that in September we had an away day and spent time listening to what God wanted us to do with our lives. Well it wasn't just me considering my future that day. For a very long time James has wanted to become a Police Officer. It is something that he has thought about doing since school. I have never been terribly keen on the idea, and have encouraged him to pursue Planning that his degree and masters degree allow him to do. However after being in planning for a while he felt that he wanted to investigate whether joining the Police was a feasible option.

Well it turned out that it was. He called the MPS recruitment to see whether being a PCSO was the only route into the Met these days, this being the story his brother had been told 12 months earlier. It wasn't, and there was a recruitment seminar about two weeks later, which he could book a place on. This was the route into getting an application form and spoke about how to fill in the form and fill statements for each of the five competencies. We thought and prayed about James changing his career. There was a lot of soul searching, and tears and questions. The form arrived and James sat down for a mammoth filling in session. Except there was a surprise in store - James didn't have to fill in the competencies, he just had to declare that he was a graduate. And that was that.

He had his 'day 1' interviews in November, which he passed, and his medical in January. All good. The supposedly impossible application process had been so smooth and simple. It seemed that God had prepared a way for James, and I needed to rely on His wisdom and strength to deal with my worries and concerns.

The day after we moved, James had a call with a start date of May 27th. He resigned from his job at the council and got ready to become a Police Officer.

I still have concerns, and worries. I will worry about his safety on the streets of London, I will be concerned that he enjoys his job. I pray that he will be a good witness at work, that he remembers that he serves God first, not the MPS. However I have come to realise that my marriage vows mean that I am called to support James whatever he chooses to do. I would rather be married to a planner than a policeman, but God has changed our path and I need to walk it with faith, one hand in James' and one in God's. Together, bound in prayer, strengthened by faith, trusting God's manifold and great mercies, we will be going the right way. It might not be a comfortable journey, but it's the only way for us.

H x

Home Sweet Home

[this post will have photos when I take some]
On April 4th we got the keys to our first home. It was so exciting. We had moving planned for Saturday so on the Friday we picked up the keys from the agent, wandered up the road and through the front door of our house. There was lovely afternoon sunshine streaming through the window and we walked round the house into every room. As we did we prayed to God, we thanked Him for such a wonderful a place to live, that the timings worked out, that the finances were sorted. We asked Him to bless our house, to make it a place of love, where we can grow together, where our marriage will blossom. A place where people will feel welcome, where there will always be a cup of tea and place to rest, where we can entertain and practice true hospitality.
Saturday saw us move in, and the House transformed into a home. We couldn't have done it without help, and it was wonderful to sit and eat with so many friends on our first evening in.
Since then we have unpacked, sorted, shifted, and built furniture. James had a week of and painted, and plastered, took doors off and DIYed.
There are still some things to do to make it feel homely - we need pictures, and lampshades, and curtains. We need to make a rota for cleaning, and stick to it. My in-laws, James and Marion, have been doing Sterling work in the garden, and when I have my time off in August I am going to have a go too.
I love it. Life is tough right now, but having a place to call home, where I can shut the front door and feel safe. A place where I can escape and know that this hard time is temporary, is a great great gift.
H x

apologies

For not blogging.
Lots has happened.
I'll blog next week properly.
But for now
Go Enjoy Friday Night
Hannah x

1st Anniversary

Has a whole 366 days passed since I made these vows:

I, Hannah, take you, James ,to be my husband,
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love, cherish, and obey,
till death us do part,
according to God's holy law.
In the presence of God I make this vow.

Well yes it has. And what a year it's been.

We've been very busy, which is sometimes good and sometimes not so good. And I think that over the year we've grown together. We know more about each other, we've talked about our future, we've discussed, and changed, our careers (more on that). We bought our first home. We've comforted each other in tough times, we've celebrated in good times. And for everyone who said "Well you live together already, getting married won't change anything." You were wrong!

Being married is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I love having my best friend around all the time and knowing that as I go grey(er) and wrinkly he will be there for me. I am so excited about sharing every day of my future with him, all the adventures, the highs the lows, the loves, the losses.

For our anniversary we ran away to Gav's parents' house in Corhampton. We went to Winchester, and James let me loose in a Cook Shop! We went to the Cathedral, we ate well, we chatted, we drank wine. On the Sunday it was 20 mile training day in the New Forest which you can read about on my Moonwalk blog, followed by Roast Dinner and Champagne.

On our actual anniversary we had a lazy brekkie in bed with Bucks Fizz and exchanged pressies. Instead of cards I came up with an idea (well actually I nicked it out of a book). we bought a notebook in Winchester and every year we will write a bit to each other. This way as time goes by we will build up a record of events, and thoughts and each year we'll put in a picture of us on our anniversary. James was cynical but he'll get the hang of it. This was followed up by a trip to a country pub and then the local May Country Fair with Maypole dancing and lambs! Great great fun.

James I love you. Always. Hannah xxx

A Mini Update

Well it's been a hectic week but....
We're in! A huge huge thank you to everyone who helped on Saturday. You are all Angels and we wouldn't have been able to sit down to eat in as much comfort as we did if it wasn't for you.
There are lots and lots of good things about our house. It feels like home already and I love that James and share a vision for it and the home it will be become.
I love going upstairs to bed, and waking up and going downstairs for Breakfast.
I love sitting down at the dining table, saying grace and eating my supper with my husband and chatting about our days and our plans.
I love having people drop in, and having a gorgeous tea set to serve them tea in and brownies to give them. Please feel free to drop by if you're passing. We really really mean this!!
I love that this is the place where our marriage will continue to grow through its early years.
There are some not so good things too:
Upstairs is a mess, but we tripped to Ikea last night and purchased a bedside unit to match the one we have and a chest of drawers. This will alleviate some mess and I can start finding homes for things. Bedroom then study need sorting.
The kitchen is more annoying than we thought it would. We discovered it has no drawers when we went to put stuff away on Saturday. The work surface area is tiny and the washing machine is in such a place that you can't put powder in the drawer. The cupboard where the fridge fits also has the electric meter and the fuse box in, so it can't go in there.
We had a designer round to quote for a new kitchen last night and there is not much work surface space to be created. However we could create more storage and drawers. The quote was not extortionate. We're going to wait for a while and also get a quote to move the meter and fuses. We may also need to put in a shelf somewhere to locate the toaster and the microwave. Whilst the kitchen is annoying the exciting thing is that it's ours to plan, and change and experiment with.

In other news: I lost 2lb at Weightwatchers this week but check out my sister's blog for her amazing week one weight loss!

H x

Praise Be!

WE completed before 10 am and are now officially owners of our first home x

Topsy Turvey

Well all things being equal we are moving on Saturday. We are due to complete tomorrow and we pray that all the money from the various places is at the right place at the right time and we will have our sticky little mitts on the keys to our first home by close of business.
This week has been exhausting. Physically and emotionally.
I am so very glad that I preceded it with a weekend at the Beehive, with good food, friends, chats, books, sleep and meandering. A weekend of real rest.
So since Sunday night we've been packing, and sorting, and binning, and shredding and recycling. The house is a tip. We've free cycled some furniture already so there's a gap where the rug and the coffee table used to be. We've found a home for our old dining table and the sofas in our new house that we don't want.
We've packed up most of the kitchen, including my much loved Emma Bridgewater Tea Set - must have some girlies round for afternoon tea soon!
We've nearly done the sitting room and the spare room.
We've made a dent in the bedroom.
But there is still loads to do.
In amongst all this I have had to have a Scout meeting with people from district, join the new gym, supervise Beavers, give first aid to a Beaver who ran into a wall blindfolded. (This was not part of the evening but risk assessing for Beavers is a very creative process), cook food to stick to my points.
Tonight I am going to my old Weight watchers class - I was at Beavers last night, I am seeing a chiropodist and then I am going to attack my bedroom. I am going to sort out and pack my wardrobes, clear out my make-up (my sister would cringe if she saw how old most of it is!), chuck paperwork and then I am going to collapse into bed.
By Saturday night that bed will be in my new home and I will collapse into it will my husband as we start the next new and exciting bit of our journey.
H x

Easter

Well Happy Easter everyone.
For me Easter starts every year at the Maundy Thursday service at Church. I love this service. For me it is my favourite service of the whole year, the one I cannot miss. The Maundy Thursday communion service commemorates the night of the last supper, the washing of feet, the breaking of bread and the sharing of the wine. As I take part in the service, say the liturgy and sing the hymns my breathing slows down, my mind clears and I try to imagine myself in that upper room two thousand years ago. Taking myself back to that night refreshes in my mind what Easter is all about. Instead of skipping forward to the celebration and joy of Easter Sunday I force myself to think about the events leading up to it. Jesus' word in the upper room are full of hope and promise. Going to the Maundy Thursday service sets my footing right for the whole of Easter weekend. Usually we go away, back to Worcester, and Sunday sees us celebrating in a church that is not ours. It doesn't matter, the Good News is worth celebrating wherever we happen to be but there is something about starting off in the familiar pews in South Croydon, taking the bread and drinking the wine and calling to mind the disciples doing the same that grounds me and anchors me.
This year I went to the prayer room twice after the service. Once late at night and once early on Good Friday.
I spent time reading the Gospels' accounts of the last supper, and of Jesus' betrayal. I allowed myself to be wowed, and challenged.
As I drove to the prayer room early on Friday morning, before the sun was up again, I felt tired, and considered turning back (I knew there was someone else signed up) but as I turned the corner I saw the moon, bright and full. I took it as a gentle reminder from God that he was the way and the light, and I thanked Him.
Easter weekend was quite hectic. Driving to Worcester, then to South Wales to see family Capper, seeing Milla and Chris in their new house, walking 8 miles in training with my sister in the sleet and rain, meeting Alice's boyfriend. There weren't many moments of quiet calm and reflection. I am glad I stopped on Thursday and really pondered the Easter message, it has renewed my hope and given me purpose again. H x

Room for Prayer

My alarm went off at 4.40 am this morning and as James and I grunted at each other and pulled on the nearest clothes I found myself asking why on earth I had signed up for a 5am prayer slot in Emmanuel's 24-7 Prayer Room.
If you go back through my blog archives you will remember that I set up a prayer room in July 2006. At Christmas Dan got excited about Prayer and ran a room for 24 hours praying into the New Year. It was great. It was like a little seed had been planted and when Dan started working for church it started to grow. Well it's growing still and on Sunday evening Emmanuel started a week of prayer 24-7. Right through the night. Person to person. An unbroken chain. God had already spoken and as we kicked off every single slot was filled.
I went to the launch. We prayed and sang and invited God in, not that He needed inviting as He reminded us "This is my territory."The room was buzzing.
However none of this excitement encouraged me as we set off, in the darkness, to pray.
James came too, he hadn't signed up for a slot and was quite grumpy about me removing him for bed before 5am.
After having the room handed over in prayer we sat for a while together in prayer. We prayed about our weaknesses, and our shortcomings, our hopes. We thanked God and we said sorry to God. WE prayed St. Patrick's Breastplate together and then spent some time apart. I am quite often tempted to rush around in a prayer room, reading the walls, trying things out and not actually stopping to talk to God. This time I paused, sat in front of the wailing wall, and waited. I was honest, which is tough before the One who knows you inside out. I told God that I wanted to do more for Him but it's quite scary. I asked for His help.
Then I spent some time praying for Croydon, and Emmanuel and our Parish. FOr a community, for our church to be a heart and a furnace. A place of love and hope.
And then I prayed for my friends, family and colleagues. The ones who don't know Jesus yet. That was really hard. I was confronted by a mixture of emotions, anger, frustration, regret, despair, longing, confusion and sadness. There was also Hope and the message that it is God ultimately who brings people to Himself. He stands at the door and knocks, not me. He is the one who heals, and comforts, who loves and gives with abundant Grace. And me, I am called to pray, to fall on my knees, to intercede and most of all to live and love with my eyes on Jesus.
As james and I grabbed another half an hour in bed, I realised why I had signed up. To talk to God in the early morning light, before the day has got in the way, is a privaledge. James thanked me for encouraging him to get up and come with me, he was glad he came and I'm glad he did too.
As I made my way to work, a strong and peaceful smile spread over me. "I am not of this world" was the message in my head. Now to live a life worthy of that.
H x

Weigh In

Well I finally have a net loss. I recorded a 2.5 lb loss on the WW scales this week. Hooray. It's feeling normal again and I am motivated to do my best this weekend.

Alice and I are even going walking together on Sunday, witih Daddy's lunch as the motviation to keep us going!

Have had the ming the last few days, feeling really lethargic, headachy and sore throat. I gave in this morning, rang in sick and slept until noon. I am much recovered and restored, sleep is amazing.

Our House

This is our house.

We exchanged at 10.55 am and will complete in three weeks.
This is our first home.
I am so excited.
I can't wait to put our pictures up, to move our stuff in, to fling open the door and invite people in.
I can't wait to get in the kitchen, to bake and cook, and entertain people.

Praise God for all his help in getting this house. His hand has been on it the whole time and whilst we have wavered and panicked He has been strong.
I pray that we can use it as a blessing, to us, our marriage, our families, friends and community.

So when are you coming to visit? Hannah xx

Start Again

Weightwatchers.

Last week I put on a pound. I didn't know why but it might have been because I wasn't eating enough.


This week I put on half a pound. This was because I had a fab weekend.


I am back where I started.


I am starting again.


Minigoal: 12 st 3 lb by May 5th

The Great Escape

Last weekend James and I ran away! Ages ago, before Christmas we looked in our diaries and realised we needed to book a weekend away. Weekends get sucked up into life and before you know it it's Monday morning again. We are very good at giving our time to our friends, our church, our Scouts and very good at forgetting to give time to us.
So we booked the intriguingly named Windsor Room here: The Pearl Fisher in Whitstable and on Friday evening James picked me up from the station and we went on our adventure.
It was so lovely. We went out for dinner in a sweet little bistro, drank good wine, ate too much food and slept in until after nine. The breakfasts were superb. On Saturday morning James and I both had smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, which was cooked fresh at a time of our choosing and was placed in front of us with heart shaped toast after scrumptious cereal and fruit.
Saturday we mooched -round the harbour, and the little boutique shops. We ate seafood, and had tea and Lemon Curd cake overlooking the beach. We chatted, and walked. James skimmed stones. We had oysters. We watched the rugby :-(
We read the weekend papers on Saturday and Sunday :-)
On Sunday morning, instead of returning straight home we took a drive to the tip of Kent and spent an hour or so in Broadstairs, on the beach and promenade, and NOT playing crazy golf!
It was a lovely weekend and much needed us time. I love my husband and running away with him is so much fun. H x

Come and join my Flora London Marathon Cheering Squad

When: Sunday April 13th 2008
Where: Mile 17 - Mudchute DLR Station. Easy access from central London
Why: Because I am volunteering for Leukaemia CARE and I need your help.

At 8am on April 13th I will be staking out a spot on the Marathon Course to cheer on (primarily) Leukaemia CARE's 200 or so runners. I will be joined throughout the duration by friends and family members. It would be WONDERFUL if someone could join me at 8am to help me gain a space and keep me company for a few hours. If not then anytime from 10.30 am until about 2.30 pm. For as long or as short as you can do.

We'll have flags, and rattles, baloons and banners. I'll have a cool box full of snacks, and there are some pubs nearby so we might even manage a swift half!

Come and soak up the marathon atmosphere, cheer on the runners (I bet you know someone who is running), spot celebrities, and take bets on whether Paula Radcliffe stops for another wee! What a great way to spend a few hours on a sunny Sunday in April - and all for a great cause.

Email me on huggyhannah@hotmail.com if you can make it. I look forward to seeing you and thank you in advance.

Week One

Well after my first week back on Weight Watchers I am pleased to report a 1.5 lb loss. I feel good and back in control of my eating and not the other way around.
I am enjoying planning menus and eating good home cooked food.
So 7.5lb in 3 weeks. Hmmmmm.
I have had a slight downer this week though. I went to give blood on Tuesday night. I haven't given blood for 18 months due to sheer laziness and I was all ready to go. I feel healthy, hadn't taken any medication etc etc so it came to my finger prick test.
A drop of blood is supposed to sink in 15 seconds in the magic solution if it's Iron content is high enough. Mine sank in over 30. Not good. So the lovely nurse took blood out of my arm and put it on a machine that reads your Iron level. 120. Apparently between 120 and 140 is a good range for women, but to donate blood it had to be 125.
So I left, with a full arm of blood, feeling dejected and bought some vitamins the next day.
I now have to wait 4 months.
Man that's annoying!
H x

Wednesday: Weight Watchers and Weird Films

Well I went back. A week later than planned but I got there. It was a new meeting to me, in a new place and on a new day. I was nervous. Being a re-joiner is odd. It's a good thing because I've realised I need to stop my slide up the scales but not so good that I let it happen in the first place. Anyway I needn't have worried too much, the leader is Sarah, who was leading my Warlingham meeting when I got to goal! As I queued to pay (yes I have to that again) Sarah saw me, and came over to say hi. It was so nice to be welcomed. Anyway. I am 9lb over my goal weight and I have 4 weeks to get back to it to obtain that star! The heat is on......

After staying to the meeting I was really motivated and went home to a yummy meal of Tacos, to start date night. This week is Cubs half term so we took advantage of Orange Wednesdays and went to the Cinema. Now James and I are not film buffs, but the cinema is always fun.

Or at least confusing. We went to see 'No Country for Old Men.' Other people had told us this film should be seen and it is Oscar nominated. It was odd, and uncomfortable. I think it was a good film. I certainly didn't get bored. You can go and read plot synopses and reviews elsewhere so I won't go into it. I am not sure I understood it, although perhaps I wasn't supposed to. It's the sort of film I think I need to discuss over a pint! James didn't get it either. But despite all this I think I am glad I saw it, although I don't think I liked it!

Hannah

Worship

MY TROUBLED SOUL, why so weighed down?

You were not made to bear this heavy load.

Cast all Your burdens upon the Lord;

Jesus cares, He cares for you.

Jesus cares, He cares for you.

And all your worrying Won’t help you make it through.

Cast all your burdens upon the Lord.

And trust again in the promise of His love.

I will praise the mighty name of Jesus,

Praise the Lord, the lifter of my head.

Praise the Rock of my salvation,

All my days are in His faithful hands.

My anxious heart, why so upset?

When trials come, how you so easily forget

To cast your burdens upon the Lord;

Jesus cares, He cares for you.

Robert CritchleyCopyright © 2001 Thankyou Music

Dan preached on A Worshipping Life on Sunday night. And we sang this song at the end of the service. And as we sang the Holy Spirit reminded me once again that its not about me, it's all about Him, and it gets better: Every single one of my days are in God's hands, good, bad, ugly, fun, difficult, grey, sunny, sad and happy. He's got them. Everyone. Hooray!

I love the image of God being the lifter of my head, just gently drawing my vision and my sight line from my feet scuffing along the floor to a wider view where the sun pours in and the wonder of creation astounds me once again.

It was the Alpha Holy Spirit Day on Saturday, which I joined for the morning. The Holy Spirit is something I find confusing so it was good to explore some things about it. It was a shame to miss the afternoon but I had a prior date with some Warriors. I was thinking especially about fruits and gifts of the Spirit, exploring a bit more about Hospitality. Every time I pray about hospitality I get a picture of my new house. Be interesting to see how that pans out. I have also been thinking about being filled with the Holy Spirit and how the Spirit works in people. On Sunday evening I asked the Holy Spirit to help me Worship, to dedicate my life to God again, to help me reflect God's worth in my day to day life. It's a tough one, but at Alpha last night and this morning in our Bible reading I have had answers, along with more to think about. I am enjoying how Alpha is refreshing my faith, and God as always is holding my hand, lifting my head and helping me along the way. H x

Valentine's Day

I don't do Valentine's Day but I do do Chocolate Fudge Cake.
James I love you.
Hannah x

Re-Start

• This evening I am re-starting WeightWatchers. There are a couple of reasons:

My jeans are tight. They are also falling apart. I don't want to buy a new pair in a bigger size. When I was Weightwatching last time I promised myself I would never own a pair of FAT jeans again.

• I know I weigh over my goal weight. I got to goal on 15th March last year. If I am at goal or below on 15th March this year then I get a little star to add to my keyring. If I missed out due to sheer lazines I would hate myself.


• I want to look good in a bikini this summer. I don't love my body right now, but I know why and only I have the power to change this. So I am going to.


• Moonwalking will be easier if there is less of me to carry! I found that as I lost weight running became easier. I am using the same theory for walking.

I have tried to follow Weight Watchers without going to meetings but I am the queen of lying to myself. I need to go to meetings for a while, set myself a new goal and just do it.

and if one person says 'Don't be silly you don't need to lose any more weight.' I am going to smile, say thank you and then ignore them.

Hannah

New Blog

http://moonwalkingsisters.blogspot.com/

It's in addition to this one. Check it out x

Lent Promises

Today is shrove Tuesday, or pancake day!
"The reason that pancakes are associated with the day preceding Lent is that the 40 days of Lent form a period of liturgical fasting, during which only the plainest foodstuffs may be eaten. Therefore, rich ingredients such as eggs, milk, and sugar are disposed of immediately prior to the commencement of the fast. Pancakes and doughnuts were therefore an efficient way of using up these perishable goods, besides providing a minor celebratory feast prior to the fast itself."
This year I am using Lent as a re-start and re-fresh. I am making three promises:
1. I am not going to eat Chocolate. Since before Christmas my weight has been creeping back on. This scares me and I need a big kick up the bottom and to restart Weight Watchers with a commitment. Chocolate is an occasional treat that has been becoming a lot less occasional. I don't need it. I am going to stop eating it until Easter
2. I am not going to eat Biscuits. They are my downfall. I am incapable of having just one. They give me short term pleasure and long term displeasure. I am not going to eat any until Easter.
3. I am giving up Facebook. I once again have an unhealthy relationship with it. I use it at work and at home. I spend far too long on it and check it over and over again. It is boredom driven. I have tried telling myself not to but my resolve has been poor. When I was skiing I had no desire to check Facebook. This shows me that I can live well without it. I am going to deactivate my account and when Easter comes I will think about logging back on.

So what am I going to do instead. Well whenever I want to eat chocolate or biscuits I am going to drink water. I am going to find a skinny picture of me and focus on it. I might also put the Moonwalk logo on my noticeboard too as a reminder that it will be easier to walk 26.2 miles if there is less of me to carry! Whenever I want to log into Facebook I am going to pray. I am going to refocus on God and his plan for me.

And throughout Lent I'll be blogging. So stay in touch? Hannah x

What am I supposed to do?

I went away to Carroty Wood this weekend, cooking with James, for Connexions youth group. 6 meals for thirty four people in the space of 43 hours. A challenge but not an impossible one. I am lighter in spirit than I was this time last year, and think that is as a result of a closer and more honest walk with God and with my husband.

I spent alot of time thinking about what God wants me to do. Not for a job, but what my gifts are, and how I should be showing His love.

This was partly borne out of the cooking! I enjoy cooking for people, and caring for people, making tea, and baking cakes. At the weekend I was glad that me cooking meant that everyone ate well, and that the other leaders had time to lead, and talk and take part. The more people said thank you, the more I thought about hospitality as a gift, and whether it is mine.

My thinking was extended by the very exciting news that James and I have had an offer accepted on a house. Yes we are about to buy our first home, as long as everything goes smoothly. It's lovely, and I will tell you more about it once we have exchanged contracts and I can call it 'Our New Home.' So I got to thinking about how I would like our home to be a place where people feel welcome, feel they can ring the bell and come in and have a cup of tea anytime without having to make a date to do so. I want our new home to be a place where our marriage grows, and strengthens, and where God can grow in us and strengthen us. Where people come for food regularly, and don't stand on ceremony but eat well, drink well and relax. I want it to be a home of love, between me and my husband, and between us and our community.

I am sure that God's hand is on this house already, after all he found it for us just at the right time, and He will see it through. As long as we let Him his hand will remain there and His love will grow there, and I will learn how to show it in the best way.

Hannah x

Date Night

Once a week James and I try to have an evening or a weekend afternoon to ourselves. Us time, marriage time or date night. They all mean the same thing. Sometimes we go to the pub, for a walk, for dinner, to an exhibition. Sometimes we stay in for a meal. Last night we went to the cinema.
We went to see St. Trinians, shockingly this was also James' choice! The cinema was empty, which takes away a bit from the shard experience atmosphere but does mean you get to pick you seats, and reduces the chance of a chatting, chopping or rustling neighbour.
The film was fun and frivolous, which was perfect for the mood I was in. I did find myself with my face screwed up for the first ten minutes, no doubt sub consciously replaying some of my worst school days. I liked some of the more subtle jokes: "I think Mr Darcy likes you", as the dog humps Colin Firth's leg! and when Kelly introduces Annabella to one of the groups as Goths: "We're not goth, we're emo" Rupert Everett was perfect as Carnaby and Camilla Fritton. My favourite scene was the Trafalgar Square scene with the whole school walking up the steps to the national gallery. Big Ben in the background stood at 7 O'Clock, and I found myself wondering what it would have been like to be in Trafalgar Square that summer morning!
Go and see it if you want and easy film with some laughs and a mixture of new and old faces. Oh and the delicious Russell Brand.
Watching it gave me an idea. I am going to a lookalike party soon, what do you reckon to me going as Head Girl Kelly? (have a look at the picture)
H x

Skiing the Milky Way

I spent last week closer to God - literally and metaphorically! Skiing is the time I feel most close to God. I love the Mountains. I love their beauty, their power, their strength and their peacefulness.

There were several moments when the sun hit my face, or I turned my head and was struck by the power of the God I worship. It was refreshing to have time to thank Him, to take a deep breath and inhale the cold clean air. To feel myself alive in creation.

I had a great time. After playing Mum trying to get six adults to Gatwick for 3.45 am and onto a flight, I relaxed almost instantly. We arrived in resort at noon giving us half a day to get kit, passes and generally chill out. One large pizza and a cold glass of beer outside in the winter sun later and my mission was accomplished.

The skiing was good. After a break of three years I remembered how to do it, after falling on my very first run. The highlight of my week was doing the 2006 Olympic Women's Downhill course - without the gates and significantly slower than the two minutes it takes the pros. Another great bit was shunning the package company's trip to France, chartering a taxi from our hotel owner, driving to Montgenevre and skiing back to Italy and our Hotel in Sauze D'Oulx (note to self the long wiggly runs on the piste maps are paths and should be avoided for the sake of sanity and my knees). The Milky Way is a lovely ski area, and even in a week with little new snow we did not struggle to ski different and challenging runs. The area has benefited from the Olympics and facilities are good. Unfortunately 95 Euros was too much for 60 seconds on the Bobsleigh run, and I'm not sure my ample behind would have made it out of the sled!

Sadly this is the last time I am going to ski out of school holidays with the luxury of wide open empty runs like the one in Sestriere above. However I am sure that I will ski again with friends and maybe my own little family. It is a joy I don't want to miss out on. H x

Happy Birthday

Today is my 28th Birthday. I think I like being 28 already. I feel secure. And loved. That counts for alot.

James had to get up early this morning. So he set his alarm for midnight.

When it buzzed after merely an hours sleep I was confused. He leant over and kissed me, "I wanted to be the first to wish you Happy Birthday," he said.

This evening we are going to Brady's in Wandsworth for Fish and Chips! How chic!

Its a low key one this year but I like it! And on Sunday...........we're going Skiing! H x

Growing Up and the problems of patience

It's my birthday on Tuesday and I will be 28. Now I'm not someone to count sleeps to my birthday and I prefer it all to be a bit of a non event. This year I am having a gathering not, note, a party. It is a joint gathering - there are two other women at church whose birthdays are on Wednesday. We're having cake and curry. I liked the alliteration! I am also looking forward to cooking on Saturday!

I was having a conversation with James the other day about age. I get quite sensitive about my age, for the three weeks between Christmas and New Year and then it doesn't matter again. I was saying that I don't feel mentally older than I did say three of five years ago, or physically older. However circumstances around me indicate that I am infact ageing! I am married, I am looking to buy a house, I have made a major career change decision. I like cooking, and baking, I own a cat, and a car.

I think I like it this way. Not feeling older but getting to do all the above things with confidence. So on Tuesday to celebrate James and I are goign out for dinner, just the two of us. Nice food, good bottle of wine. Bliss.

The one contra-indicator to my ageing is my lack of patience. I think it is God making me learn, but still I am not so good at it. As you know James and I are house hunting. We have been for a while now. We haven't found the right thing at the right price and have found ourselves a bit stuck. Our budget will allow us a lovely one bed flat but only a handful of pokey bigger propertied. Studying for a PGCE is going to mean I need somewhere to study that isn't the sitting room or the bedroom. Which leaves us looking for a bigger property that we can't afford. I am getting impatient that we can't find anywhere.

There is a ray of hope. James is a key worker. This means that there are various governement assistance programmes available to him (and me.) We only really looked into this in December. The option we are looking at now is called Open Market Home Buy. This is essentially a way of bowwing money from the governement and a lender at no cost for five years, it makes up 25% of the purchse price. If we are eligible and accepted it would push our purchase price up into that two bed category. We were accepted onto the Key Worker scheme in mid December. To get on to OMHB we had to attend a presentation, which was last night. I really wanted that to be the palce we would find out how much we could have. But no. We have to go and see a financial person. On Thursday evening. In Cheam. Which means that it will be another week before we know whether we can look for a more expensive house. I want a house now, and feel like screaming and stamping my feet till I get one.

But that's not very grown up. H x

Walk the Walk

Well I have a challenge to keep me occupied until the end of May! It's Alice's fault. After we ran the Hydro Active in September she started looking for a new challenge. She started badgering me by email, and I kept ignoring her. Eventually she wore me down. I filled out the application form for the event and sent it off.
And thought noting of it.
Then started to think I hadn't got a place. Oh Well.
Then in late December as the Christmas pounds piled on and I forgot my way to the gym it came.
An innocent white envelope with a letter starting with CONGRATULATIONS.
The adrenalin shot through me, and then the smile beamed across my face.
Alice and I have confirmed places on the 2008 Playtex Moonwalk on 17th May 2008.
For a detailed description of what we have signed up to look at this website but basically we are power walking a marathon - that's 26.2 miles for those of you unsure about these things, overnight, round London, in a bra (one each of course ;-))
We are raising money for Walk the Walk - a Breast Cancer Charity. So we'll set up a just giving site, don our trainers and get walking. Will you support us?
Hannah x

Dawn

I feel under pressure to write something witty or profound here in my first BLOG of the year. But the truth is that the year has started quietly, in the same manner that the last one ended and for that I am grateful.

I had a quiet Christmas. I watched some Rugby, I went for walks, I ate well with friends and family, I drank well.

I went to church at Midnight on Christmas Eve. Not my church in Croydon but St. John's Parish Church in Worcester. It was odd. It was wet outside, and quiet inside. Rose and Brendan were there which was lovely. I hope they enjoyed it. James and I have decided to go to Christmas Morning services from now on.

I went on a date with my husband cos everyone was poorly. It was fun - going out for dinner and then a pint in the town where I grew up and had all my teenage angst. It made me feel all fuzzy to sit with my soulmate snuggled up in the corner of my favourite pub with a pint of real beer.

I was overwhelmed with generous gifts. Thank you one and all.

I approached New Year differently this year.

I don't like New Year's Eve. I get edgy all day and quite down in the dumps. I find it hard to stand on the cusp of two years. It's odd, like i feel it should be a good time to reflect and look back and look forward but everyone around me is just getting drunk.

So anyway this year I did it differently. My church has a prayer and praise party from 11pm until just after 12 midnight. It was good. Before hand we played games at The Smiths (Rach was a legend with the food) and them meandered over to church. It was calm and peaceful. I sang, I thought, I prayed, I reflected. I was with my husband, and my friends, and God. Most importantly God.

I am standing at the start of a year of huge huge change. For us both. Me and James. It feels God driven but its very very unknown. I need to hold onto God. I need him to go before me and stand behind me. I need to acknowledge His influence in my life, his protection over me, His plan and His grace. There are tough times ahead but I am excited.

2008 started quietly, standing with my husband's arms around me, in the presence of our God, knowing that whatever this year brings we will face it together. All three of us.

Hannah x