God on Pause

Why does it sometime feel like God is on pause? I started the year full of energy and drive. Now three months down the line I'm feeling rather sorry for myself. The initial excitement of a fresh new year stretching out in front of my with a shiny new diamond ring on my left hand has faded, and now I'm rather glum.
My job situation is driving me nuts. Still no funding decision although rumour has it Lambeth PCT - name and shame time - will pull their fingers out and makes some sort of decision tomorrow, but it might only be interim. Whilst I feel sure that I will be fine, that doesn't stop the uncertainty, the drifting feelings and the depression associated with work. I've actually started waking up and not wanting to go to work. It's not my colleagues, they are great, or my boss, he's cool too. It's the limbo situation I find myself in without a project or a purpose. I like being busy, in fact I'm sure I need it to feel like I am being purposeful and productive. I am applying to jobs, but again with little motivation or success, although I am applying for a job at Tearfund which really appeals. Financially I cannot afford to take too much of a pay cut, which is the disadvantage of being well paid I guess.
At Church I'm not feeling the buzz and excitement of living out God's will. I wan to be passionate for God and shout for Jesus but I have hardly got the energy to lift my hands and sing let alone be a Warrior for Christ. Also a good friend and member of my home group is leaving to move to another part of London. It's fabulously exciting for her and I feel sure it is God's will, but I'll miss her. It got me thinking about people at church. James and I got talking about it. I suddenly realised that I want to feel more connected to these people in a real way. I KNOW a lot of people but I don't share a bond or friendship with any of them. It really upset me. There was a point last summer when I felt that I was really part of my church and there were good friendships to be made. But something changed and I've become more and more isolated. It's really sad and I'm not sure what to do about it.
Maybe God will have some answers, if only I can find the play button again. Hannah x

Duncan dares to make Scouting cool

Peter Duncan, currently of The Games fame, is the chief Scout. This is unusual because usually the Chief Scout is some well to do suited and booted Scouting through and through man. However eighteen months ago Peter Duncan was invested as the new chief Scout in a move away from tradition. It is part of an attempt to drag the Scout Movement into the 21st Century and Peter Duncan was seen as a good role model and example of an active fun all round good guy. He is certainly trying to raise Scouting's profile and the Association is his charity of choice whilst competing in The Games. I was lucky enough to share a beer with him in December when he joined our Scout Network in the pub after we'd watched him in panto. I was slightly star struck - I'm a child of Blue Peter you see - but I found him enthusiastic, engaged and realistic about what Scouts is now and what is Should be trying to achieve.
Next year Scouting celebrates its centenary and whilst thousands of young people - boys and girls - across the UK and the World enjoy Scouting at its basic level there are still some things that mean Scouts have a poor reputation. Politics gets in the way of Adults volunteering and kids having a good time. There are still too many people more concerned about the right way to do things rather than worrying about doing things at all.
There are some positive changes though. Scouting is now a multi-faith multi gender organisation. In January the first UK Contingent of Muslim Scouts undertook their pilgrimage to Mecca. You can read their story here. I was so moved by their account, and the uniting strength of Scouting that I posted a comment: Scouts' Hajj experience
Scouting has done awesome things for me, including finding me a husband! Are you prepared to find out more....? Scouts, Join the Adventure

What cute animal are you?

This was on rugby girls email today. Whilst supposed to be light hearted my results are quite interesting. Hannah xx

You Are A: Lamb!

Peaceful and gentle, lambs have been used in religious imagery for millennia. Lambs are baby sheep, an animal tended by shephards since the dawn of history. As a lamb, you tend to stay together in a flock and graze on grassy land. Lambs don't mind being led and tend not to go off on their own.

You were almost a: Duckling or a Bunny
You are least like a: Mouse or a SquirrelWhat Cute Animal Are You?

Ladies' Rugby

I've always thought that title is a bit of a misnomer, I mean how can you call a bunch of fit strong females playing what is traditionally a man's game 'ladies'? But that is what we are called: Beccehamians Ladies RFC. We have a website: Beccs Ladies. In nine days time I plan to play my last rugby game, for at least a season but maybe longer. It's not a decision I've made lightly, and it's only now that I'm starting to get a bit sad about it.
There are lots of reasons for stopping and I am not going to use my blog to justify myself. I love the game of rugby and I always will, it's gotten under my skin in the way no other sport ever has. I played a bit of hockey at school and enjoyed it until someone took at shot at goal and contacted with my face instead. I was forced to play netball but I'm big and cumbersome and prancing around a bit of tarmac in a short skirt was not my cup of tea, and my glorious career ended when I sprained my ankle and it went black. The girls I play with are lovely too and part of me regrets never really getting to know any of them properly. I guess I'm just not that good at making friends.
By stopping I am gifting myself with some more time. The last three years have been difficult trying to strike a balance between playing rugby on a Sunday afternoon and going to church on a Sunday evening. Whilst I feel good on the rugby pitch I feel fulfilled and alive in church. God has given me this great opportunity to use a gift that I never would have thought existed when I was younger - I am not sporty - and in rugby I found a game where you can be tall, and fat, not super fit, not girly and not cliquey and still you have a place and are accepted.
I may return, I cannot see the future and I don't like to close doors too firmly, but for now March 26th will see me don the number 4 shirt and take to the pitch for the last time in a while. Look after it girls, it's served me well. Hannah x

Fellowship

A couple of weeks ago Katy preached a sermon on Acts 19: 1-20. This is when Paul is in Ephesus. Her sermon was excellent with lots of good points. However there was one that hit home: We should talk about God, and where we are with Him and what He is doing in our lives. We should share with everyone Christian and non-Christian. How can we expect to confidently share our belief in God with non-Chritians if we can't even talk about God with each other?
Last night I met with my homegroup. There was no study prepared. I thought it might be a good chance to really hear what's happening in each and every person's life, where they're at with God and what we need to be praying for, so I took control. It was a shaky start but everybody shared something. It was good to be honest, it was good to reveal our hurts and anxieties as well as our successes and hopes. It was good to feel connected to a group of people in a way much deeper than the 'hello how are you?' I found it enjoyable, and useful and refreshing and I thank God for the opportunity.
H x

Morning Prayer

My Daddy sent me this. It's nice to have a dose of reality from time to time. Thank You and Amen!

"Dear Lord,

So far I've done all right.I haven't gossipped,haven't lost my temper,haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent.I'm really glad about that.

But in a few minutes, God,I'm going to get out of bed.And from then on,I'm going to need a lot more help."

- Author Unknown

Wedding News

Not mine this time though! My bestest, and oldest friend Camilla has finally set a date to wed the man of her dreams, to whom she has been engaged for about eighteen months. On Saturday June 24th this year she will float down the aisle of Burton Court in Herefordshire to become Mrs Chris Williams. The slightly bemused and almost certainly blubbing bridesmaid following her will be ME!
It's quite refreshing to put Bride mentality on hold and focus on what will be a very different wedding to mine. Chris and Camilla are not Christian and have decided that marrying in a church would not be right for them. They have found a lovely venue in Herefordshire and I can feel an English country garden style affair coming on with lots of champagne and pink wine flowing!
It's also dawned on me that this beautiful young woman, whom I have know since I first donned the navy blue cullottes and joined the 10th Worcester Guides in 1990, is still my best friend and even though we live on opposite sides of the country we are still sharing adventures together. I am SO lucky to have been asked to be her bridesmaid and even luckier to be sharing some of the most exciting times of our lives with each other.
Thank You Milla and I hope we continue to share fun and friendship until we are old and wrinkly! Hannah xx

Calm

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3, 5-6.
People asked me why I was so happy at work yesterday. I had no response other than I'm not worried any more. When I arrived at work yesterday my precautionary redundency notice lay waiting, warning me that unless the funding came through I woudl be out of a job in four weeks. However I'm not panicing. I just really feel that I have given it all to God and He will deal with it. I can't really explain the calm I feel but it's odd.

Evangelism

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." Matthew's Gospel, 28: 19-20.
These words are commonly referred to as 'the great commission.' Not just any old commission but the command of Jesus Christ to his followers to go out into all the nations of the world and tell them the Great News.
On Monday night I went to a meeting of my church's Evangelism Committee. Although the name is slightly comical in my opinion I have been asked to consider joining and the motivation behind this committee is genuine. It excites me that I may be able to get involved in this aspect of my church's work. I'm not from a church background. I wasn't brought up as a Christian, and my strong headed nature meant that I came to know Christ through frustration and intrigue. I am not one to lie down and accept something. This seems to have given me a desire to tell others about Jesus Christ in a really relevant and exciting way. I hope that I can do this through the evangelism committee.
The meeting was good. I listened to a lot, got a feel for the group and even made a valid contribution. I'm excited by it and I hope that God can use me in a really positive way.