When you have no idea what God's up to

I have been following the story of the Lawrenson family since about March this year. It is a story of hope, faith and love. I'm not going to retell it because Nathan Lawrenson has been doing that on his blog Confessions of a CF Husband
There have been times of major celebration, when God's answers to prayer have rung out crystal clear.
But right now God has thrown them another challenge, another battle, another situation where they can do nothing but lean on Him and pray.
And I, along with hundreds of thousands of people around the world, am joining them in their prayers. But the one thing I find myself asking God is: 'What the flippin heck do you think you're doing?' Now I probably have no right the answer but it doesn't stop me from asking it.
I know that prayer is powerful but that doesn't stop mine being full of frustration and anger. He's a Big God, He can take it and His still small voice of calm will provide answers. All we need to do is believe in Him
H x

Growing in faith

Accompanying my decision to step back from my Scout role is a desire to grow in my faith. I 'became a Christian' sometime between the end of 2000 and the middle of 2001, and I was confirmed in May 2002, just before my finals at uni.
I have been on an interesting journey since that time and I now belong to a good church. I have been on a short term mission, I serve at church in various ways. I pray and I read my bible. I have been in the same home group for four and a half years. I got married in my church, making my vows before God, my family and friends.
So what now?
I feel like I need to focus on being a disciple. I know bits about God, His word and His ways. I have a desire to know Him better. I trust in Him and His plan for me but I want to know how to serve Him better.
I want to know what my gifts are, and how I can use them to serve God and bless my family, friends, church and neighbours.
I want to challenge myself without spreading myself too thinly. I want to be hungry for God, for His word, His voice. I want to reflect His ways in mine, and for my life to be worship of Him.
Starting a PGCE in September is going to require a lot of me so I am tempted to rest on my laurels for a year, and shake up my faith nest July. But there is a nagging part of me that thinks drawing closer to God at the same time as my PGCE can only be beneficial. I DO NOT want to DO more, I want to GROW more.
So what should I do and when? God knows!
Hannah x

Learning to let go

I am a yes person. This is on the whole a good thing. It means I try new things, get new experiences, help people out and generally get involved. It does also mean that sometimes I end doing things that I would rather not. Sometimes these things turn out to be good, and I enjoy doing them, I learn from them and I realise that they are part of God's plan for me.

Sometimes these things are not good, I still learn from them, they are still part of God's plan, but it's when He tells me to walk away that I get stuck. I don't like to let people down, and I feel sometimes that if I walk away from something that I have failed.

For a while now I have been realising that the role that I hold within the Scout Group is not for me. There have been a couple of incidents that have made me think that I should not being doing this role, including a time I was reduced to tears. The situation came to a head shortly after James started his new job. It came to a point where a I realised that my role within Scouts was putting pressure on my marriage. Time to step down.

Around the same time Helen gave her last sermon at Emmanuel before moving on to pastures new. In it she spoke about being able to step out of a role and move on when you know its not your gift or your calling. It was one of those loud hailer moments from the pulpit.

Praying about it I felt God telling me to lay down my pride. In my head I didn't want to walk away and let the Scout group down, but God was telling me that it was not my responsibility and that I was not the only person capable of doing the job. I thought back over what I have achieved in the two years since I took the role and I realised that there are good things, and a firm foundation for someone to take forward.

So at my last exec meeting I took a deep breath and told them. I am going to carry on as normal until September and then from then until December I am going to do bare minimum and then step down at the end of the year. If someone comes forward before then I Will step down before then.

It was tough, letting go, giving the situation to God and asking Him to find someone to take on the role. It was tough to tell the exec that I am not going to continue. I felt bad, but I also know that I need to do this for me. I need to let go and concentrate on the gifts God has given me and the calling He has made to me.