A blog to make you think

I read Emily's blog quite regularly.
I came across it when I was training for the Hydro Active.
I'll let her blog explain about her. I don't know her.
Pink and Smiley

She has set up a campaign called 'Live life then give life.' http://www.livelifethengivelife.co.uk/
to raise awareness about the huge lack of organ donors in the UK.

It feels a bit odd - signing up to be a donor which , God willing, won't have any effect on Emily in the foreseeable future. I thought I'd have loads to say in this post but I don't. I am affected by her blog and I wanted to share.

Hannah

Ebb and Flow

I have been pondering how life ebbs and flows today. More specifically how people come and go from your life.
About a month ago I got an email from a girl Kate DB who I used to play rugby with at university - my email hasn't changed in 8 years so if I'm in someone's address book people can find me! So anyway she was off traveling and emailed out her BLOG address (I'll add it to my links when I remember.) I don't think we've really kept in touch but it was good to hear from her and nice to read her blog (I am a blog stalker!!)
So then about three weeks ago I was on the bus from Clapham to Brixton thinking about how I needed some new shoes. I saw a woman walking along the road with lovely shoes and thought those are the sort of shoes I want. So I looked again and the person attached to the shoes was another girl Katy P who I played rugby with at university (you need to remember here that I went to university in Cardiff!)
Anyway I emailed Kate DB enquired how she was doing, ribbed her about Andy Farrell - she's a Sarries girl - and asked her if she had an address for Katy P. From thousands of miles away on the other side of the world she winged a reply to me with a hotmail address. Now I think I am unusual in that A. I still have a hotmail account from 8 years ago and B. I still check it. So I emailed Katy P. And she replied.
That's two people who've been out of my life for ages walking back in. And Katy P had news of two other rugby girls. So I feel like a light has come on in a bit of my old life!
There's a flip side to this; thinking about people who walk out of your life. Not necessarily under a cloud or anything but or whatever reason are no longer part of the pattern of your day to day being. There are two women from the rugby club I am have most recently been playing for who have moved to another club. In fact one has set it up she didn't keep this a secret but she will be missed for her spirit and skill. The other stepped down from a role in our club citing health reasons. And a couple of months later turned up on the pitch of the new team. I reckon that if women are playing rugby and the sport is alive GREAT, play for who you want to. But be honest about it. This has troubled me and I can't really express why. And I'm not even an official member anymore!
So yes. Comings and goings. Ebbs and flows. Hannah

Music on the Buses

This is the bus I get in the morning from Clapham Junction to Brixton.
Since I have shifted my hours around to start earlier I get this bus more often. I also co-incide with more school kids. This is fine - I'd rather kids used buses than their parents cars.
However London has a problem. Other places might also have a problem but London's is the only one I can report on.
I need to preceed this with a statement: 'I am a grumpy [old] woman.'
The problem is that swanky mobile phones these days have a facility whereby they can play music stored on the phone through the speaker rather than just channelling it down headphones. Who ever gave a phone this function deserves a good talking to imho. Anyway there are significant numbers of people (mainly kids although not exclusively) who play music, often loudly, through their phones on the bus. This is EXTREMELY annoying if you don't want to listen to rap, r'n'b, garage or any other genre that you wouldn't normally pick. Especially if its 7.30 am and you wish you were still unconscious under the duvet.
Having experienced this personally I've considered asking offending person to turn their music down. But this is not a polite culture we live in and I am worried about abuse and physical violence. So I sit and fume in silence. I even complained to Transport for London once. They said they ask peopel to respect fellow passengers but cannot enforce this.
In London under 18s in full time education get a free travel pass. One of the conditions is that they do not break rules on buses. However playing music doesn't seem to be one of these.
BUT it turns out I am not the only Pi**ed of person. Someone has spoken out via the web and started a petition. You can see the website and sign it here: music free buses
Woo Hoo. A people's uprising! Well maybe not but its a start.
H

Six!

Last Sunday James and I celebrated six years as a couple. To celebrate this fact we ate lots and went for a walk int he same area where James proposed.
In many ways six years has flown by, but its only when looking back that I can see how we've grown and maturedand fitted more and more into the pattern of each others' lives. We've had some good times, and some not so good times. We've had sad times, happy times and as the photo shows some down right silly times.
Everyday I am more and more convinced that I have loved this man since I first met him. I can't remember when I knew I'd marry him but it was more than 10 and half months ago!!
I hope that in another six, sixteen or sixty years time we will still be having fun, still arguing over the washing up, and who feeds the cat, and generally just getting along with being us.

What a difference a week makes

I stood in church again last night and actively thanked God for His work in my life this week. It has been a good week, and I think last Sunday was a bit like going through the wash, a renewing and refreshing of my faith.
Don't get too excited! There was no lightning flash or booming voice from heaven. But God has acted and spoken to me. And my spirit is calmer as a result.
The biggest thing this week was starting my Certificate in Counselling and Counselling skills at Birkbeck. Arriving at Goodge Street tube station and emerging into the drizzly windy grey Thursday afternoon, and then making my way to my class through crowds of UCL students, and even passing their students union filled me with a weird but bizarrely comforting sense of a new term at university. Beginnings are always quite stressful, full of anticipation and require concentration. I was quite tired afterwards. I have mixed feelings about the people on my course, my tutor and how the next 32 weeks of study will pan out. I am sure that it will be OK and as a requirement I have to keep a learning journal. I think through this blog I am already learning how good recording can be for reflection and growth so I feel quite positive about that aspect of it.
Perhaps the strangest thing was the general reaction to the 'reading list'. Now I managed to gain a BSc in Psychology with a 2,i and over 70% in my research project and I bought a sum total of three books. Not three books a term or a year but over my entire degree course. This reaction to book buying tells me two things - I am tightfisted and I have the ability to go to a library, use the internet and a photocopier. Anyway there was this great clamor over the list, which some people have and some do not. There was the usual 'it's not available' and 'I bought it yesterday'. Yick. It makes my skin crawl. Its like a competition. CHILL OUT.
But on the whole I am looking forward to it - especially when we start the meatier stuff, rather than rules and introductions.
So yes, a better week, topped off by the purchase of a pair of size 14 trousers!!
H x

?

I am not sure what I am going to put in this post but I some how wanted to put some of what is going through my head down in words.
God and I have not been doing so well of late. My head knows He is still there, my eyes read His word and my lips say prayers to Him. But my heart, doesn't somehow feel properly connected. Now it's not like God on Pause like earlier in the year, because I know He's there and I can see Him at work. I guess I just feel a bit like I'm drifting away. Now that's not to say I don't believe, or I don't want to be able to praise Him and worship Him in all I do but I'm struggling.

In the last ten days two people I know have died. In very different, but very tragic circumstances. Both deaths have asked questions of my faith.
The partner of a friend 'a' went missing two months ago after their relationship broke down. He sent letters home indicating that he couldn't go on but he loved the people to whom he wrote. His body was found in the sea last week, after he took his own life. He went missing during the 24-7 prayer week, and I wrote his name on the wall. I know more people than I prayed for him, his partner, family and friends. I know that there can now be a funeral and an end. People can mourn. I also know that God has answered prayer, but not how I wanted! The thing I am struggling most with is where suicide fits with my faith. God loves us all, no matter what we do, and God's love never wavers. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us less. I have spoken to a couple of friends Christian and non-Christian. They have been helpful in different ways, and I suspect God has placed them there for me at this time. They both said the same thing. That God loved 'a', and we as humans walk away from God but he always holds onto us. As a human I do not have the power or authority to judge anyone and only God can do that. Until I stand in heaven with my God I will not know the answer to whether 'a' knew God too.

So tonight I went to church with all of this heavy on my heart, we started singing and I read the words and just thought I can't sing them. I asked God to come back into my life, my doubting stubborn and difficult life. And He did. He took me in His arms and said its OK, you don't have to do it alone. I find that hard to understand and tonight became another evening of praise and tears. Even words in the sermon seemed to have been written for me. Bits about God's love is the same whether he is ministering to us at that moment or whether he has asked us to wait. I love that the people I am at church with don't question or try to make it better but just stand by, give hugs and provide tissues. They are my church family that I take for granted but couldn't live without.

God I know you're awesome but my pea brain is having problems with that. However once again I will live my life for you.

Hannah xx