T minus 25

On July 3rd after a day of relaxation I will officially graduate from Wandsworth SCITT as a NQT with a PGCE and QTS. In short I will be a primary school teacher!
I am TERRIFIED!
The last few months have been quite surreal - hence the lack of blogging. All my mental energy has gone into assignment writing, lesson planning, evaluating and job interviews.
I have written two 5000 word masters level essays. They were tough - and I seemed to be living under their weight for a long time. Handing the final assignment in I felt like I was emerging from a long hibernation. There was light at the end of the tunnel and I felt lighter and happier. I now know that I have passed both these papers although I don't have results yet.
On May 18th I had an interview for a teaching job at a Junior School nearby to me. I have felt an enormous sense of calm about job hunting. I firmly believe that God led me into this PGCE and future career and that He would find me a school where I can continue to serve and glorify him. Earlier in the year I attended a panel interview for the Southwark Diocesan Board of Education NQT Pool. I went to the interview not expecting anything spectacular - whilst Church Schools are reasonably common I had not previously considered working in one. Anyway the interview went well and a couple of weeks later one of the heads from my panel called me to tell me she had two vacancies at her school and would I apply. The school was larger than I had anticipated joining but I gave it to God. After a great but unsuccessful interview elsewhere I attended the interview on May 18th already knowing in my heart that God wanted me at the school. It was an odd feeling- and it sounds really boastful in print - but I did my best and waited for the call. In short I got the job! It is a great relief to have a post for September and reduces the pressure in the last few weeks of teaching.
As of Monday morning I have two and half weeks of teaching practice left. The other trainees in my school were talking about final grading the other day. All of my observations have been good so far - with some elements of very good. So I started thinking is 'good' good enough? And how can I be 'very good?' I am tired, and whilst these weeks will fly by I know they are going to be pressured and busy and I need to summon energy from somewhere to make it through. I know that I have got the foundations of teaching solid and now I need to take risks, build and expand my style - all at a time when my tank is nearly empty and my soul is aching for the week getaway on the Isle of Wight that James and I have booked in July.
I also find myself in a position where I cannot look back yet and appreciate all that I have achieved since the start of September. I am stuck in fast forward, and yes scared by the future. Learning to teach is a fairly safe environment but in September I will have my own class of 30 children with all their wonderful differences, strengths and weaknesses. I will find myself faced with 30 faces all seeing me as the expert. I have no idea how to start a year, how to introduce myself etc etc. I know that, like this year, iIwill learn. I will learn the ways of the school, I will learn about the children, I will build relationships with them, their parents, other teachers, staff and management. I know that God has led me there and He will not abandon me but I am still scared.
But for now, at t minus 25 days I need to focus on finishing my placement - being the best I can be.
H x