The Light

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned." Isaiah 9: 2.

The darkness is scary, and disorientating, and uneasy, and unknown. There are shadows lurking, and seeing is harder. I don't like the dark. It makes things difficult.

Walking in the light means I can see my way. Danger is more easily avoided and things are clearer. I feel safer and more secure.

This passage, and verses 6 and 7 were the ones I read on Sunday night. I love the promises Isaiah made years and years before a young girl called Mary gave birth to a Saviour in a stable in Bethlehem. I am feeling very reflective this Christmas. James and I have bought Doug, his brother a Bible for Christmas (him reading this is about as likely as Pigs Flying). As I wrapped it I thought about how he might feel on Christmas Day when he opens it. Sitting with its heavy leather cover smooth in my hands and the fresh clean unread pages ready to reveal the most exciting story in history I thought about how it could be a book that sits on his shelf or a book that really changes his life. We prayed that he'll understand why we've given him this and in the dedication we have written these lines, adapted from Psalm 119: "May it be a lamp to your feet and a light to your path."

I am starting an Alpha Course in January, at church, and I've invited Doug along. He's said yes so please pray that he'll come good on this promise. I have never done Alpha before and I've decided that now is the right time. I have become a bit disillusioned with my home group. It is NOTHING to do with the people, and everything to do with me and the way I approach it. I have stopped engaging in it and have been going through the motions. Alpha is a way for me to reconnect, and because it takes place on the same day as home group I've had to choose! To look at the basics. To consider the lynch pins and foundations of my faith. To ask myself the questions like 'Why Jesus?' and get excited all over again. I hope that I'll meet Jesus again and we'll go for a drink. Like good friends who need to have a catch up. I hope that Doug will meet Jesus too, but that's for him and God to decide. All I can do is pray, and be open to God, and come out further into the light.

My wish would be that many more people would see a great light this Christmas, would ask Why Jesus?, Why Christmas? I wish that people would take steps towards the light, that through God's Grace would accept their free gift of eternal life and at the same time get the best Christmas Present ever.

Whatever you are doing may it be a Happy Christmas.

Hannah xx

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Have a look at this.

Advent

From the Latin word adventus, meaning "coming", the period of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of the Birth of Christ.
At the start of each Advent I am full of commitment and good ideas to get back to God in time for Christmas. Usually by the first weekend I've failed.
This year I started advent at Christchurch London at the Piccadilly Theatre in London, with Kate P who I used to play rugby with at uni. It is a different type of church than I usually go to. I don't agree with all of their teachings and disagreed with some of their practices and baptisms (it was a baptism service.) Anyway the service was nothing to do with Advent. The sermon was entitled 'I am the resurrection and the life.' Starting Advent at the end, or maybe the beginning!
Anyway being in a different church made me think critically about my relationship with God. And I decided it sucked. And I needed to change.
So I downloaded the Evangelical Alliance Advent prayer guide. They look at the metaphors for Jesus used in John's gospel. James and I have changed our morning routine. Instead of lounging in bed having brekkie we get up and get ready. About half and hour before we need to leave we sit in the sitting room with our Breakfast and our bibles. This time has revolutionised my bible reading and my approach to the day. James and I have been struggling to find a good time to read the Bible together, and this seems to work. I also feel like I can approach God with more confidence and understanding. I want to read my bible, and this morning I read the start of each Gospel to see how they each introduce Jesus to the reader.
On Sunday evening it is the Candle-lit Carol Service at church. I am reading. I am SO excited.
Christmas is on its way and and as a very darling person wrote in a note to me today:
" Everyone should feel Christmassy because it's a wonderful time of year not just because it's Christmas but because we're celebrating the BIRTH of JESUS and that's quite cool."
It certainly is. Enjoy it.
Hannah x
p.s. Check this out too. It'll make you think paperless Christmas

A change of direction

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29: 11



On Wednesday I had my interview for Wandsworth SCITT. This is a small course of 23 places for General Primary and 12 for Early Years.

In September 2008 I will be one of those 23 trainee teachers!

I went to the pub on Sunday evening with Rach and Em and talked to them about my interview. They were really helpful and it was good to feel like I knew what I was talking about. They gave me plenty of pointers and their opinions. They are both angels.


My interview was great! The maths test was a bit dodgy but the English exercise was fine. We had to do a group discussion, which was fine. I am a facilitator by nature but I made sure that I said something and a conversation sparked from there. My one to one interview was with the Course Director and the headteacher of one of the consortium schools in Balham. A range of questions including 'Why do you want to teach?' and 'What are the challenged and opportunities of teaching in Inner London?' (Answer: I don't think challenges are always negative!...) Anyway at the end of the interview the headteacher said 'I don't know if I'm allowed to say this but I thoroughly enjoyed this interview and I would love to have you in my school!' The Course director nodded and smiled. The great thing about this course is that they let you know by the end of the day.

By 3.30 pm I received a call offering me a place. The director said that I was well prepared and confident and all in all I was an exceptional young woman! Nice!

God - Thank You! This feels so right! Hannah x

Thank You God

God has been really evident in some happenings over the last few days, and I am thankful for this.

I don't really want to say much more right now, other than I am calmer and more relaxed than I have been for a while.

Trying to prepare for my PGCE interview next Wednesday morning. Please pray that I would know God's will on this one, and that I would do my best.

H x

oh what a beautiful morning

Having read the instruction book and fixed the heating on Tuesday evening, after over 24 hours with no heat, waking up and venturing out of bed hasn't been too traumatic.

This morning was parky, and bleary eyed, after a poor night's sleep, I headed for the kitchen to make breakfast. The view outside was wonderful. The frozen white grass was covered in golden fallen leaves, set hard by the frost. The sun was shining and the sky was blue. It was beautiful.

An hour later wrapped up warm, with hat, gloves and scarf, James and I headed out to work. James had site visits to do and needed the car. Our little blue Peugeot was a shimmery white! Now I have to admit I have a child like glee in defrosting the car. It was something I used to help my Dad do when I was little! I don't know why, but this morning I was glad of the can of deicer that I am sure I renounced as 'Stupid to have in the car, this time of year' in July but never got round to removing.

As I kissed James goodbye at South Croydon station I bumped into Dan, a church friend and our new worship and music coordinator. It was great to chat to him. His passion for what he does, and his desire to run with God's plan is evident. It almost flashes in his eyes, and its exciting.

Praying on the bus from Clapham - wonderful sights over the common - I realised that I am sitting well within my comfort zone with God right now. Dipping my feet in the water but not getting too wet. My conversation with Dan made me uncomfortable, in a good way! He made me realise how lazy with and about God I have become and how things might be stirring for a change.

Hannah x

ALERT

Two very odd and scary things have happened

1. I have an interview at Wandsworth SCITT for thier PGCE on 28th Novemeber. Oh my goodness.

2. James and I are flat hunting and we've found a maybe

I feel totally overwhelmed on all counts.

Help! Hannah

Rest a Little

James looked at me on Friday night and said "Hannah you need a rest." Sadly that real rest won't come until Christmas.
It's true I do. Scouts is taking over my life in a really unhealthy way. There are chinks of light and I have a plan formulated in my head of how I am going to sort our leadership and then step back.
Please pray that God is with me on this and he will raise people up for positions and soften hearts and minds to what I am trying to do.
Thanks.

Potentially Life Changing

This week I took a step towards changing my life as I applied to study a PGCE in Primary Education. I have been prayerfully considering my future since June. One evening James and I sat down and went through all the things that my ideal job would have, and not have.
In September we had a 'quiet day' when we went to Ashdown Forest with a picnic, our bibles and our walking boots and spent the morning reading and praying and considering. I kept asking God what I should do. I am not sure he gave me an answer but I felt he was assuring me with the words 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' I meditated over a psalm and felt that God was saying that I should try things out.
Teaching is a bit of a curve ball if I'm honest. All the people who I know who are teachers have always wanted to do it. At the moment I am fairly clear that I want to specialise in teaching children with special educational needs, and specifically autism. So I guess in that sense it's not so much of a curve ball, just a wonky path!
So I spent a week in a primary school, needing experience in order to apply. I was apprehensive but actually it was a great week where I realised that I could teach, even mainstream. I learnt about classroom structure and timetabling, about classroom assistants and differing abilities.
So I applied this week, after trying to convey why I want to teach, and how I am qualified to do a training course, in 47 lines. I can only apply to two institutions at this time so that's what I have done. Now its a waiting game. So I'll wait. And see.
H x

I had a dream

I had a dream last night that the England Rugby team played France in Paris in the semi-final of the world cup. I dreamt that we scored a try in the first three minutes. I dreamt that it was a tough game, where France had all the possession and none of the points. I dreamt that England were trailing by a point for most of the game. I dreamt that Andy Gommersal got shoulder charged by the touch judge, and Chabal hurt Johnny. I dreamt that the French gave away a penalty with minutes to go. I dreamt that Johnny converted it, and then a few minutes later scored a drop goal. I dreamt that Laurence Dalliglio tried to throw away England's lead my giving away a handling in the ruck penalty to France. I dreamt that despite a final onslaught England won!

and I woke up this morning
and it was true!
England in the World Cup Final 2007 - who'd have thought it?!

The Rugby World Cup: Tales of the Unexpected!

I am a cynic. When this world cup started in September I had images of England crashing out in the group stages. Being an England Rugby fan over the last, well four years actually, hasn't been great fun. Ever since Johnny kicked THAT drop goal that sent every England Rugby fan into an early morning beer induced delirium its been quite an ordeal wearing the red rose. To be honest I've not paid that much attention. Other than to grumble about how much the RFU paid for Andy Farrell in March 2005 and how completely useless he has been ever since. When he scored against Tonga my sister and I agreed that it was about time he started earning his keep. He didn't score his first union try until September 2006.

Anyway I digress.

England's poor start in the World Cup, the lack lustre display against USA, the frankly awful game against South Africa - how the world champions could leave the pitch with no points astounded me. The game against Tonga was better. England looked like they wanted to play rugby. So job done into the Quarters. Against Australia.

I ignored the press, voiced my doubts and went to Balham to watch. Even as the anthems started I predicted a loss for the men in white.

What a game! England looked liked they had finally got the memo that they were the World Champions. They played a good game. However when Australia scored their first try I thought it was all over. I dared to dream when England took the lead, and stayed nervously glued to the TV. I shouted like they could hear me all those miles away in Marseilles.

When the final whistle blew it was like we had won the world cup four years ago! The truth is that England still have a mountain to climb but a victory, over the sour Australians. It wouldn't be so good beating them is they could just win or lose in a Sporting manner. For example Even before a ball was kicked, Aussies had been shown an advert which featured Johnny Wilkinson’s World Cup winning drop goal and the words “revenge is sweet” plastered all over it.

Well Australia, as you famously said to the Kiwis in 2003 'Four more years boys, four more years.'

As for England, well I don't know. France in Paris on Saturday night. Tough, but whatever the result I'll be wearing my England shirt with pride - every England player, even Andy Gommersal and Andy Farrell, have given me something to smile about.

H x

(photo is from Reuters)

Very Proud

Yesterday Alice and I ran the Hydro Active Women's Challenge, a 5km run in Hyde Park, to raise money for Leukaemia CARE. Neither of us are athletic really. I had a slight advantage in that I had run it last year. We went for a run together when I was back in Worcester over Bank Holiday. It wasn't too great.
We talked about it and decided that we would start together, we would run the first kilometer together and then when Alice felt the need to walk she would let me know and I would carry on.
We stood for ages at the start, in a really chilly breeze. There were lots of people with Balloons which we tried to dodge. We saw some other Leukaemia CARE runners and said hi, or gave them the thumbs up.
Linda Robson started the race and waved to everyone as they crossed the start line. As we ran gently along the first bit all we could see were hundreds of women in different colours in front of us. Reading some people's backs, with the reason they were running brought tears to my eyes. As we passed the first km post I gave Alice the thumbs up. We were doing OK. AT about 1.5 km Alice indicated that I should run on. AS I passed the 2 and 3km I was doing OK. I saw James at Speakers Corner between 3 and 4km which lifted me up and gave me some more motivation. I passed 4km weaving amongst the walkers and then the hill I remember from last year was in front of me. I pushed up the hill remembering that the finish was not far off. I rounded the next bend, saw the finish line in sight and started sprinting. My head was thinking have I gone to early. My legs however were sailing me through. Which was odd! I crossed the line 37 minutes after starting. Only two minutes slower than last year, and not a step walked this time. My dodgy sprained ankle was sore and started to throb, but it had made it. I called James, who had failed to see me pass the finish, to let him know I would collect my finishers' bag and come back round to see Alice come through. BY the time I was on my way James called to say Alice had come though the finish. I waited by the railings and gave her a huge hug. She came through in 45 minutes. A truly remarkable time.
James was an outstanding one man support team, although he has requested a banner next year! He put up with two knackered women hobbling through London in need of feeding. HE carried all our stuff and took pictures. We love him! Thank you Hun.
It was a good day, and even Alice, who hates running was talking about doing it again by the time we reached the pub!
If you want to congratulate us give us 50p or something by going to OUR JUST GIVING SITE
Thanks, Hannah xxx

Fun, food and friends

Last Saturday comprised entirely of eating, drinking and having fun. After a quick run James and I had homemade pancakes from Nigella Lawson's book, with maple syrup and streaky bacon.
Then we went to Tim and Chan's for a home group Barbecue. It was good to sit in their lovely garden, in the September sunshine, drinking, laughing and catching up. The food was tasty and plentiful and everyone seemed well and relaxed.
Unfortunately we had to make a premature exit to go to Andy and Clare's Stag and Hen doo s. Clare had a girlie afternoon get together at Rachel W's. I was handed a glass of Pimms as I walked through the door! It was nice to be with a group of women, chilling out and celebrating Clare's nuptials. I gave her a Buchanan tartan garter with her and Andy's names embroidered on it. It was supposed to be a bit of fun but it made her cry - in a slightly hormonal emotional bridal way! She got other great gifts including Anthea Turner's Perfect Housewife, many chocolate related things and a feather duster!
After the most divine afternoon tea with pink bubbly I changed and put on my war paint in time to strut into South Croydon (new shoes = strut!) and to Conchita's, for Mexican Mayhem. One jug of white Sangria just didn't seem enough between my and Rachel S so we bought another! Oh well.
A tired, well fed and happy Hannah fell into bed gone midnight.
H x
p.s. The wedding is tomorrow. Pictures to follow...

GIVE ME MONEY

Please
www.justgiving.com/aliceandhannah

Uncertainty

I sometimes think it would be nice if there was a machine that you could put your vital information into and it would tell you what job to do, when to train, when to have kids, buy a house etc.

Sadly, or not, such a machine does not exist and we have to stumble through life trying to acertain what to do when, and dealing with the consequences of our actions.

The thing that I struggle with is the waiting. I think I know what I want to do but I have to wait to take this plan forward. I will write more about this when I can. Waiting on this means waiting for other things, like buying a house. And what if what I want to do is wrong. What if I start doing something and its not what I am supposed to do? Can I keep taking wrong turns? I feel like I want to settle down and maybe have a family in the next few years but if I get this decision wrong where will that leave me?

Hannah

Carmen Jones

I went with James, Lucinda and Kim to see Carmen Jones at the refurbished Royal Festival Hall on Friday night. I booked tickets after a sunny evening on the Southbank created a desire to 'do more London'.

However the weather on Friday was not the balmy summer eve I had been envisaging. Despite this we ate Al Fresco at Giraffe, chatted and enjoyed the general atmosphere of one of London's trendiest areas.

The inside of the Royal Festival Hall is a bit like being in a rich old lady's house! It's smart but has a certain retro charm! We had seats three rows back which gave a rather upward view of some scenes and made us feel a bit intrusive in some of the more intimate ones!

Despite this it was a good performance and I enjoyed it. I am not an Opera fan so it was a rather off kilter move to book tickets for an Opera adaptation. Tsakane Valentine Maswangany played Carmen I was struck by her strength and stage presence despite her tiny frame. I think I could have put my hands round her waist.

She played the female anti hero well, and her sickly sucking up to Joe made my skin crawl. Hearing the orchestra was great and the tunes are well known. There were times when the intonation of the singers let them down and I had to struggle to hear what they were singing.

All in all a great evening in London Town xxx

100 years

On 8am on August 1st 2007 Scouting celebrated 100 years since Lord Robert Baden Powell blew the Kudoo Horn to open his first experimental Scout Camp for boys on Brownsea Island in Poole Harbour.
At 8am (local time) on August 1st 2007 Scouts around the world joined 28 million members and renewed their promise. I stood alongside my husband, on the seashore in Hamworthy, Poole overlooking Brownsea Island and said the promise which still sends shivers down my spine. After a BBQ brekkie we made our way to Poole Quay to join Scouts and friends making their way across the water to the island. The sun shone and there was a friendly party atmosphere. Brownsea was closed to the public on August 1st and open to One Thousand visitors. Whilst the activities could have been better it was good to spend such a historical day in such an important place.

On August 4th James and I went to the 21st International Jamboree, at Hylands Park in Essex. another gloriously sunny day saw us wondering around enjoying the great atmosphere and sampling food, drink and hospitality from all sorts of countries. We had a beer in Germany, lunch in Finland and afternoon tea in England. We relaxed in Algeria and marvelled at the Swedish Ferris wheel made only from pioneering poles and rope!
We took a tour of the site and saw how 40 000 participants lived, ate, and learnt during the 10 days of camp. It was mind blowing and exhausting.
One of the themes we saw around the site was:
'There are 28 million Scouts in the world. If every Scout changed one thing....'
What a proposition! Seeing young men and women from every continent and almost every nation living working and playing in harmony was truly inspirational. If Scouting can do it why can't the rest of the world watch, learn and follow suit......'

100 days

James and I have been married for one hundred days today.
I have finally got my rings re sized so that they are not in danger of falling off. Almost all our presents have arrived, and most are in use! We've taken our wonderful family tree - a gift from both our fathers tracing our paternal family lines - in to the framers.
We've had a bit of a house clear out and tidy up and re-arrange.
We are settling into the daily pattern of being Mr and Mrs Gordon. It's great. Once a week we have time set aside for just us. We have used this time to go to a gallery, discover a new country pub, have dates at the cinema and just enjoy an evening at home with a good meal and no TV. I love this special time and when we have missed it I feel our relationship begin to sag. James was initially sceptical about this dedicated time but having given it go he agrees on its value and dates are in his diary!
People ask me whether things have changed since we got married, do I feel any different? The answer is perhaps a surprising yes. I feel grounded, anchored by the love of my soul mate. I feel calmer, like I have stepped into the shelter of someone who will always be there for me. I feel like James and I are a team, working together and for each other.
We are facing some big decisions about the future for both of us that would lead to potential career changes and financial pressures. As part of our decision making we are spending Sunday away from home, with our Bibles, talking to God and waiting on Him. I am looking forward to retreating for a short time, but then being able to talk things through with my husband.
Last night, as part of my new Bible reading plan - God's Story in 9 months (courtesy of Carla Harding) I read Genesis 1 & 2 aloud to James. We've decided to work through it together, taking it in turns to read to each other each night. I'm excited that I am going to journey through God's Story and even more excited that I have a travelling companion.
H x

Facebook

I have just de-activated my Facebook account. It's temporary but it needed doing. I am going Cold Turkey on it, a bit like giving up smoking the hard way.

There are lots of things I like about Facebook. There are lots of things I don't like about Facebook. I don't like how becoming 'friends' with someone is as easy as clicking the mouse. And then continuing to ignore them. Real friendship is hard work. There are ups and downs and hugs and laughs and tears.

In the flush of new Facebook love I 'became friends' with a lot of people who I had been at school with. I have arranged to meet up with one and I am looking forard to this, although I am nervous. We were at primary school together t0o! Like some cyber voyeur I looked at their profiles, where they are living now, their relationship status' and their photos. As I peered into their lives I was transported back ten years and the feelings of jealousy and competition grew. I didn't like that many people at school. The girl who had been my best friend for most of my school years left after GCSE's barely maintained contact with me and within 12 months had become a mother. During my sixth form years at the same school I suddenly had to try and make new friendships but by that stage everyone was sorted into their little groups. I had friends, people I spent time with and liked but no real best mate.

I had one very good friend, Milla, who you will recognise as my Bridesmaid and one real long time friend. We didn't go to school together and met through Guides. At seventeen we joined Venture Scouts and that's where the bulk of my friends came from in my truly formative years. At my wedding not one of the people there was someone I had been at school with (apart from my sister.) My friends were my Onnward VSU colleagues, the five mooses from uni and people James and I have come to know through our church. James had lots of friends from school at the wedding. But these people too have become my friends, as we live in his home town and many are still here.

I have friends. None of these are particularly deep or best friends, but they are important people in my life, and people with whom I am happy and glad to share things with. I am not a girlie girl, and letting people in is a challenge for me.

Facebook was like one big popularity contest. A giant playground. It is strangely and weirdly and nastily addictive. I know what is going on in people's lives without having to talk to them, without having to spend time with them. I can freely share with people my photos and comments and thoughts and everyone who is my friend can see all my other friends. The desire to log on to see if any of my 'friends' have updated anything or added anything is taking over my life. My restlessness and unhappiness with my own life situation drives me to peruse others lives and wish for more when I have been given SO much more than I need, and grace in abundance too.

What I should be doing is turning to God and to my husband, who is TRUELY my best friend on this earth, and talking to them, seeking their counsel and guidance. I should be soaking myself in God's word, and listening for Him speaking through the storm.

I have deactivated my Facebook account, and opened my Bible. I believe there will come a time when the two can exist in harmony in my life, but for now there is only one Book for me.

Hannah x

Thanks Bee Lady I love LOLCat

Your Score: Sad Cookie Cat

70% Affectionate, 43% Excitable, 51% Hungry

You are the classic Shakespearian tragedy of the lolcat universe. The sad story of a baking a cookie, succumbing to gluttony, and in turn consuming the very cookie that was to be offered. Bad grammar ensues.

To see all possible results, checka dis.

Link: The Which Lolcat Are You? Test written by GumOtaku on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I'm feeling blue. It's not post-wedding blues, its worse than that.


Married life is great, and being married is great. We're loving our marriage times, and we're trying to get the house straightened out.


This is not the issue.



I am not fulfilling my purpose

(update - I can't finish this post but I'm publishing it anyway 26.07.07)

Never go jogging - it makes the ice in your glass jump

As you have all probably worked out, from the link to the left, I am running the Hydro Active Women's Challenge 5K again this year - with one difference: Sisters are doing it for themselves!
I can no longer remember why we decided to run together but I think it was some sort of motivational challenge.
Alice has decided to don her trainers after a couple of years of encouraging people to run 26.2 miles for her charity.
So I had better get back in training.......
We're running for Leukaemia CARE and if you want to give up some money then click on the link on the left. Cheers! Hx

Nicked

Had to call the Police again yesterday evening.
James took my car to work for the first time - his new employer requires him to use his own car for business purposes and he adjusted my insurance for this on Saturday.
Anyway he went on his scheduled visit in the morning. Then he received a call requiring him to go out again unplanned. On returning to the car park he was in a rush and didn't take the front out of the car stereo.
Two hours later he returned to the car to come home.
No stereo.
Damaged drivers door lock.
Bugger.
My first ever insurance claim is now underway.
Yesterday was a bit pants, it feels like it's been a long week already.
Hannah

Social Comment

I called the police today before 8am.
Walking from Clapham Junction towards my normal bus stop I encountered the usual rowdy crowd of schoolchildren. But today something was up. They are usually noisy and shouting to each other across the street but today the tone was different. Their eyes glinted with something very scary. They seemed to fill the pavement more. As I stood at the bus stop for about a minute and watched I could see something was going to happen. They were moving in groups, up and down the street, some on their phones. They were facing off to each other, but this wasn't play fighting. There were groups from two schools.
Before anything actually kicked off I'd made the decision to call 999. I figured for a large group of schoolchildren to be this intimidating and wound up before 8am something had to happen. I called the police from my mobile whilst still watching this situation unfold. The operator asked me questions.
How many:? 15 to 25
How old? 13 -14
Any weapons seen? No, thank goodness for small mercies.
As the call came to a close the first punches were thrown and my bus arrived. The operator said the Police were on their way but I didn't stay to find out.
The situation upset me. Because fighting upsets me, and these were kids. No older than the kids I see in my youth group on a Friday. And they were mainly girls. Mainly black. and mainly Muslim. Young women shouting and screaming and kicking and punching.
As I sat on the bus, another woman was also starting her call to the Police. As she held the line, a young man further down the bus asked her if she was calling the Police. When she replied that she was he gave her a torrent of verbal abuse, saying it was a 'normal fight', and that they were 'his sisters' and she had 'no business' calling the police. The woman stood up for herself, quite rightly pointing out that kids are being killed on the streets of South London at the moment, and there is no such thing as a normal fight. I thought about backing her up, but decided against it. Why? because I feared for my own safety, because I am white and neither of the people on the bus were. Perhaps that's why the Police didn't receive 40 calls this morning from people standing at bus stops at Clapham Junction, becasue we are scared of what will happen if we speak out adn stand up for justice.
When did we become a society that looks on and lets our young people dish out their own violent justice? When did young people take justice into their own hands? When did gangs form on the streets of South London, and become an acceptable way of life for our kids?
How many kids have to die before something changes?
Hannah

Train Trauma

I am usually quite an organised person, especially when it comes to my Travel Card. I am that smug person who whisks past the massive queue on the Tuesday after Bank Holiday laughing at everyone who forgot to renew their passes. I don't have a season ticket loan scheme at work and because I am not cash rich I have to buy my card on a monthly basis. If my card runs out midweek then I am good at renewing it at Brixton tube. If it runs out at the weekend I am not so good, leaving me annoyed and queueing on a Monday morn.

This Monday was one of those.

Monday is an early start meaning I have to be on the 7.18 train at South Croydon. I arrived at the station at 7.05 with plenty of time to join the two people at the ticket machine. I queued, chose my ticket and put in my card. Nothing. No error no nothing. I pulled my card from the machine and joined the by four people queuing at the window. The people moved slowly. The woman in front of me wanted a travel card and a car park pass. Two transactions for the price of one queue space. Not fair. The ding dongs of the train announcement went. It was my turn. I asked for my ticket, put my card in typed my pin. As the printer spat out my ticket the train started to pull in, and it printed my receipt I was half way through the door of the ticket office.

Card, wallet, tickets, hand bag and book bag in hand I sprinted, two and half inch wedges, down the stairs, through, the subway, up the stairs and towards the open train door. I took a running jump at the door and

SPLAT

I caught the toe of my shoe on the ledge of the door and literally flew head first into the carriage. Hands full my brain must have decided that twisting and falling on my shoulder was the best way. I am sure I heard people go 'ooooooooo' as I landed and one woman asked me if I was OK. OK? yes. Embarrassed? Definitely. I gingerly stood up and in true commuter style acted as if nothing had happened, despite the stinging in my right knee. I rearranged my trousers - damn I'm glad I wore good pants! Thankfully at East Croydon a seat became available and I spent the rest of the journey eyes closed in prayer. Please God let the ground swallow me up must have been in there.

Safely plonked on the bus at Clapham I inspected my knee to find true seven year old style playground grazes and the start of some lovely bruising. This has got slowly worse over the week with bruises on my right knee and sore muscles in my left shoulder.

If I learnt one thing from this incident its wear flat shoes on the day you forget to renew your season ticket - or just buy it earlier!

Hannah

Putting the Out in Scouting!

Last weekend well and truly marked the end of our honeymoon, as James and I, and Ken, Doug, Matt and Colin took 23 of our Cubs and Scouts to Croydon District Centenary Camp.

It was well organised on the whole and there were lots of adventurous activities to do on site for the kids.

Whitsun bank holiday weekend had been earmarked by the Scout Association as a weekend for Districts to celebrate the centenary on a local scale. Many by camping

However no one had informed the weather.

Friday was sunny, I wore flip flops to work. Hooray I thought a weekend at camp in the sun, with nothing to do but provide three meals a day for my small charges. Friday night stayed clear, but as the sun went down, and the opening ceremony started the temperature dropped, and dropped. At 3am I woke James up and made him swap sleeping bags, because despite the fact I was wearing socks, joggers, a t-shirt and a hoodie with my sleeping bag cord drawn around my face I was still cold.

Saturday morning was grey, but dry, and cold. The Beavers arrived for their fun day and the clouds got thicker. Then the rain came. and stayed. The campfire was in a tent, and we went to bed hoping for a better Sunday.

Sunday was wet. For 24 hours. I'm glad I picked up my waterproof trousers. Sunday night's campfire was inside too. A meeting of group representatives was called. A severe weather warning was in place, for gale force winds and people began to leave the site. Leaving behind tents and kit.

We stayed, and pegged in our tents firmly, and storm guyed our mess tent. The wind got stronger, and those who had left site hadn't secured their tents. Havoc ensued. James and Doug helped to go round site and secure badly pitched canvas. They were narrowly missed by a flying toilet tent.....and full toilet.

Monday morning showed no let up, activities were cancelled and everyone went home to the warmth and dry of a solid structure.

It was hard work, and had it not been for the technical knowledge of our leaders we would have blown away.

When our County Commissioner opened camp on Friday night he said that Croydon Camp 2007 was about putting the 'out' into Scouting. I'm all for that, but boy I was glad to get 'in' to my house on Monday evening, and stand under a hot shower.

We're doing it all again in July - here's hoping for better weather.

H x

Here comes the bride......

On December 30th 2005 James Gordon asked me to become his wife. On Saturday May 5th 2007 that finally happened. It has taken me a long while to think about what I want to write here and I'm not sure I've quite got it but here goes.
James and I have been a couple for a long time. Six years, six months and three weeks by the time of our wedding day. I have known that he would be the man I would marry for at least six years and six months of that time. We have waited so long for many reasons, but mainly and truthfully I think it was because until James had finished his Masters the time just wasn't right for us to start the next chapter of our lives as man and wife.

Planning our wedding has had its ups and downs, as this blog has known. There are times when commercialism and competition has threatened to cloud the idea of what our wedding should have been about. There were times when I wondered why we were waiting so long. However there was never a time when I wondered why we were doing it at all.

From the outset we talked about how we wanted our wedding to be a celebration. First and foremost we wanted it to be a celebration of God's amazing love and grace. We wanted people who don't come to church, who don't know God, to come to our wedding and feel comfortable, we wanted them to be able to learn a bit more about who God is and what He means to us. We wanted the songs to be full of meaning and life and joy and love. We wanted the reading to be serious but accessible. We asked God for His help and He delivered in the way only He can. When the doors of church opened and I saw everyone's faces turn, and the music start I felt overwhelmed with emotion. As I arrived at the top of the aisle on my father's arm, to join James a wave of joy and peace came over me. God took my spirit and said 'this a moment I created for you and you for.' From that moment on I had the most wonderful day of my life. The music was superb (cheers band) and every ounce of me wanted to worship my saviour and creator. Saying my vows, and hearing James' felt like putting the final piece in a jigsaw puzzle.
We wanted to end the ceremony on a high note, with a signal to start the fun so we walked out to the Emmanuel Band's rendition of 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles).' Andy Buchanan's native Scottish accent topped it off perfectly. Thank you so much.

The rest of the day was fun, although as everyone had promised, it went far too fast. My only regret is that we spent so much time outside with the photographer and not at our drinks reception. However the food was good and we managed to go round all the tables between courses to say hello and thank you. The speeches were good, my daddy made me cry and Doug made me laugh. The evening was a whirlwind of dancing and hugs and pictures.
It was an exhausted Mr and Mrs Gordon who were driven away from The Warren through a gauntlet of sparklers!
There were times on the day when I thought this is so much fun, I want to do it again. But now I've had a week in Malta enjoying the sunshine and the company of my husband, and we've returned home and started to build our marriage together I've changed my mind. It was a superb, lovely, joyful and exciting day. It was an important day and one that will play through my mind over and over for many years. It was a day when our friends and family came together with God and with us to celebrate our love and commitment to each other. But I realise now that it was a single day in a whole lifetime together. It was like opening a crisp new book, inhaling the glorious new paper smell, and bending the spine a little. The anticipation and excitement is there, but you know that there is a whole story that lies ahead!
Hannah x

I'm getting married

This might seem like rather an obvious statement, considering that I have now been engaged for 16 months. However over the last week the reality that I am actually going to get married has hit me. And finally the excitement that everyone has promised me is starting to attack me in waves!
There have been a few odd 'lasts' Like on Sunday evening I realised that it was the last time I would leave the church as Hannah Watts, although not the last time I'd enter it ;-)
Sitting in the pub on Saturday evening I caught sight of James' left hand and thought that the next time we're all out on a Saturday evening there will be a wedding ring on that hand.

The actual sequence of the day and the walking down the aisle, saying my vows, all of that still seems like a far off dream. I think the rehearsal will bring it home and saying goodbye to James after that.

I am excited that I am about to start a new chapter in my life, with my husband by my side. I am excited that two families are coming together. I am astounded that this is MY time. Although I think I thought I'd always get married my lack of boyfriends during my formative years was a contra indicator. However God snuck into my life in my first year of Uni and then plonked James in my path in October 2000. The rest is a story for another day but the first chapter closes on Saturday and a new one, with bright shiny clean pages waiting to filled with fun, adventure, sadness, joy, pain and prayer, opens. I cannot wait....

H x

Hannah's Hens

I've been meaning to write about this for ages.

Firstly I want to say a huge huge thank you to my lil Sis Alice (or Big Chief Bridesmaid) and my bestest friend Milla (or Best Mate Bridesmaid) for their organisation and for looking after me all weekend. I felt truly truly blessed to have so many wonderful friends who came together from around the country to spend a sunny weekend with me.

Saturday saw us meeting at South Croydon to catch the train (and bus replacement) to Brighton. Please note opening and pouring a magnum of fizz, and trying to drink Buck's Fizz from plastic champagne glasses on a moving double Decker bus is not as easy as it sounds! However Bridget Jones style introductions to each other is must. I know Becky J loved being referred to as a Doctor (she is one) and former head girl! And Helen as my pastoral guide!!

Once in Brighton we went for lunch at Momma Cherri's Soul Food Shack (As seen on Ramsey's kitchen nightmares) This place is a MUST if you like relaxed Brighton dining, friendly staff, GREAT food in abundance, yummy cocktails and fab soul music. I am DEFINITELY going back!

The rest of the day was spent on the beach, in the sea (it was really really cold), and on the pier. We had ice cream (with two flakes for the Bride!), and went on the roller coaster (Alice got stuck in it which was amusing in a if we don't laugh we'll cry way and we all got bruises and mild whiplash) and the carousel which even Becky C, the most cautious girl in the world, decided was safe until she realised she hadn't got a pole to hold on to!

The evening saw us mass ordering Pizza (thanks to Jon J for the 50% off voucher), playing singstar (Singstar 80s and Singstar anthems no less - I'm hooked) and watching wedding Crashers (Confetti will have to wait until the day before the wedding!!). The loveliest bit on Saturday was getting presents from people. A real range of wonderful treats, inlcuing lingerie, pampering Sanctuary smellies, Funny books, The Prophet, and a very special necklace from Rach (a cross in a stone) with a card explaining the reasons behind it. It had me in tears. I love all you girls.

Sunday was Rugby Day! Suited and Booted we caught another set of trains to Reading, where we met with three of my my mooses, reunited all five of us for the first time since Becky C got married, and my mummy.

We had champagne to start, more introductions, more presents including heart cookie cutters, a table cloth for my bottom drawer, Bart Simpson's guide to life and a signed Worcester Warriors shirt. Thank you all again.

We lost the rugby but the sun shone and I shouted plenty! I met Mike Catt afterwards, but no Warriors :-( and I played rugby in three inch wedges with Delon Armitage's brother!

The best thing about it all is that I get to see all of these wonderful women in just over a week and they've all chosen to come and witness me becoming Mrs Gordon and party the night away with us all. Awesome!!!

Photos are HERE and HERE and on Facebook xxxx

Called Home

Well what roller coaster of emotions I've been through this last week or so.

Everything can't go in one blog post so to start with I wanted to write about Grandad's funeral last Tuesday 17th April.
I was mainly fine, and quite calm and peaceful. It was odd being in Granddad's house without him there.
The drive to the crematorium was fine, all 5 of us (Mum, Dad, Alice James and me) in one car. At the gates of the Crematorium we were met by a piper. Granddad was a drummer in the regimental pipe band, and having a piper at his funeral was one of his requests. As soon as I heard the music the tears came. It's funny how music can elicit emotions. I think it was a suitably grand exit for a man who was brave, strong and amazing but would never have told you so! The service was good, we had it in the chapel at the crematorium, and I read 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 which you can read HERE. James read Psalm 91, the Soldiers' Psalm and Alice read a poem.
Dad spoke about Granddad which was lovely. I like hearing the stories and the memories. I hope they will be part of the story of my life, and the stories my kids hear.
It was a sad day, and a sad time but throughout the day and the service a gentle sense of calmness surrounded me. God whispered gently in my ear, and wiped my tears away.
Death, funerals and endings are sad, but Granddad was ready to be called home, and as the words of one of my favourite songs says:
'' 'Til he returns, or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand."
And it is that thought that keeps me going.
H x

Sad

My granddad died last Sunday, April 1st. He was 87. I loved him very much and I am very sad that he has died. I'm sad that I won't be able to play him the MP3 of my wedding service, and that I won't be able to sit down with him and show him the photos of my wedding.
I'm sad because he was a great man, a brave man and a family man.
However I am really grateful that he' s not in pain anymore, and that his worn out body isn't needed because he has freedom in heaven. I'm really excited that he gets to see my Gran again who died in October 2004. I'm really glad that they both get to be at my wedding, watching over us all together from Heaven. I'm glad that there will be reminders of them both at the wedding: Dad's Cameron tie, and I'll wear Gran's engagement ring.
I'm sad because my family are sad, I'm sad because I won't get emails or text messages from him anymore. Yes my Grandfather was a silver surfer techno whizz and I'm so proud of that. I'm sad because funerals are sad (his is on 17th) and death is sad.
I happy that my Granddad lived for 87 long years, and until very recently he was well enough to take his caravan to Scotland. I'm happy that he and Gran used to have me and my sister to stay in the summer holidays and we used to go to Jolly Giant Toy Shop, and McDonald's drive through and take the Psycho Dog out on Cannock Chase (I wasn't sad when the dog died!). I'm happy that my Gran used to knit me clothes, including a ridiculous turquoise crop top that I REALLY wanted!
It's very odd having this juxta position of death and new beginnings and weddings. I had some very good news from a friend last week too to remind me of the circle of life. It reminds me that God is good, He is so in control. He is also loving and strong. Death reminds me of my fragility but also of my need to lean on God. I'm so glad that I know God and He knows me. I'm glad I can talk to Him and question Him.
I'm even happy that sometimes I don't get answers.
I'm glad that I can pray and God doesn't judge me. I'm happy that I can pray and God listens. I'm glad that I can pray and God doesn't mind if it doesn't make sense.
I'm happy that God knows my pain and has promised never to give me more than I can deal with.
I'm happy that James led me to God and that we can pray together.
I'm happy that one day I'll see Granddad again.
Hannah x

Amazing Grace

James and I went with our friends from MINT (the 18- 30ish group from church) to see Amazing Grace at the cinema. I don't really know what I was expecting, and I'm not usually a costume drama type of girl. I'd seen mixed reviews but went with an open mind.

I came away with a much clearer picture of the historical facts surrounding Wilberforce and his bill. It was a good portrayal of his friendship with William Pitt the Younger (played by the rather scrummy Benedict Cumberbatch) and his struggle with God and illness.

There were many good bits including a scene where Wilberforce is lying in the dewy grass one morning. He has a conversation with his butler about God. The butler says: 'You've found God sir?' and Wilberforce replies' Well it's more a case of He found me. Do you have any idea how inconvenient that is?' What a great line, and oh so true.

The final scene with Pipers outside Westminster Abbey gave me shivers down my spine.

I also came to the realisation that the big film vans outside Holy Trinity Clapham (that I go past on the bus daily) must have been for this film. Shame I didn't bump into Ioann Grufydd at all!

I came away from the cinema feeling more informed, and strangely encouraged. It wasn't a film about the horrors of slavery, and it didn't give a story from a slave's perspective but it was good to watch. H x

Major Job Announcement

Just over a year ago I wrote this post: Calm
It included the line: 'I just really feel that I have given it all to God and He will deal with it. ' with regards to my job situation.
Since then I have remained at my current organisation working with people who have physical and sensory disabilities in Lambeth trying to promote and develop Service User Involvement. Funding finally came through at the end of June after living on month to month notice from early March. That small amount of money was only up until the end of March 2007.
So I've spent this year in a flux, a state of unknowing, uncertainty and unfulfillment. I've applied for several jobs. I've had interviews with The National Autistic Society, Shelter, The City of London, Diabetes UK, and a christian charity. I got offered one job, but it wasn't right in many ways.
All this time I've felt strongly that God has it under control. I've prayed before every interview please God let me know if this is right. Let Your will be done. Never was this more necessary than when I was offered a job. My head was saying take it it's a job but God was saying this is not the one. Wait. So I did. Job adverts dried up, time ticked on. Lambeth announced huge voluntary sector cuts. My job looked insecure. The thought of being out of work, and getting married was not appealing. Leaving the people I work with was not appealing either because I really like them all, I like the organisation I work for and I feel like I have more to offer.
So last week after a Friday off I returned to find an email from my boss saying that he had news about User Involvement Funding and we should talk.
There is money! For nearly three years. For a User Involvement Post - joint disabilities and Older Persons. And they offered me the job. And I accepted.
I HAVE A NEW JOB WITH SECURED FUNDING UNTIL JANUARY 2010
WOW
The details are yet to be worked out, but basically I will be joint managed by my current Boss and the CE of Age Concern. Because the money is longer term there will be more specific work plan, targets and deadlines. The stuff I thrive on. I will have purpose and drive. Hooray.
And in the midst of it all I can see God sitting there, arms crossed saying 'Now do you understand?'
He has provided for me in a truly amazing and unexpected way. In a way that fits me and suits me and feels perfect for my life right now.
Thank You God. Sorry that I doubted you. Thank you for believing in me even when I wavered from you. Please help me to use this job opportunity to glorify You further. Amen
H x

Got to Goal!

At my Weight Watchers meeting on Thursday March 15th I weighed in at 12 stone, 2.5 lb giving me a BMI of 24. I had originally wanted to get to 12 stone. Well I like round numbers, but after a great chat with a lovely leader I reset my goal at 12 stone 3 lb. The top end of my BMI is 12 stone 6lb, which is the weight I could have become a GOLD member.
OK science bit over.
I joined Weight Watchers on May 25th last year and I have been a member for 43 weeks. In total I lost 46lb. The challenge now is to stay this weight.
I know I sound like an advert but Weight Watchers has changed my life. It has taught a whole new attitude to food. I can honestly say there has never been a time when I've felt like I was missing out on something. As I've lost weight it has been easier to exercise. Running the Hydro Active in September was a major achievement for me, the former cross country cheater. I feel better about myself, and I have learnt how to have time for me, a challenge for someone as perpetually busy as me.
I'd love to say that losing weight was really really hard but it wasn't. There were times, and weeks when it was a struggle, or days when I'd eaten all my points and I still wanted more food. There were weeks where a visit to the gym didn't materialise, or I stopped counting points or stated deceiving myself about how much I'd eaten. These were the weeks, I stayed the same weight, or put some on. Christmas was difficult but I accepted I would put on weight, and I did. I don't think I ate as much as I have in former years, and nor did I want to. James has been very very supportive and I couldn't have done it without his help. I love him very much for this, he has never had to lose weight in his life!
I have been counting points for the whole time I've been doing Weight Watchers, but there is another plan called 'Core' which is a list of foods you can eat freely until you are full at meal times, and snack on fruit in between. My plan is to stay on points until after the wedding, then learn how to maintain using a mixture of Core and Points. I am determined that this is how it is going to be from now on. Food and I have an uneasy relationship, and I will be easily seduced again if I am not careful. However I am happier with the new way of things and I am positive about the future.
So here are some before and after photos:

March 24th 2007

March 24th 2007