Facebook

I have just de-activated my Facebook account. It's temporary but it needed doing. I am going Cold Turkey on it, a bit like giving up smoking the hard way.

There are lots of things I like about Facebook. There are lots of things I don't like about Facebook. I don't like how becoming 'friends' with someone is as easy as clicking the mouse. And then continuing to ignore them. Real friendship is hard work. There are ups and downs and hugs and laughs and tears.

In the flush of new Facebook love I 'became friends' with a lot of people who I had been at school with. I have arranged to meet up with one and I am looking forard to this, although I am nervous. We were at primary school together t0o! Like some cyber voyeur I looked at their profiles, where they are living now, their relationship status' and their photos. As I peered into their lives I was transported back ten years and the feelings of jealousy and competition grew. I didn't like that many people at school. The girl who had been my best friend for most of my school years left after GCSE's barely maintained contact with me and within 12 months had become a mother. During my sixth form years at the same school I suddenly had to try and make new friendships but by that stage everyone was sorted into their little groups. I had friends, people I spent time with and liked but no real best mate.

I had one very good friend, Milla, who you will recognise as my Bridesmaid and one real long time friend. We didn't go to school together and met through Guides. At seventeen we joined Venture Scouts and that's where the bulk of my friends came from in my truly formative years. At my wedding not one of the people there was someone I had been at school with (apart from my sister.) My friends were my Onnward VSU colleagues, the five mooses from uni and people James and I have come to know through our church. James had lots of friends from school at the wedding. But these people too have become my friends, as we live in his home town and many are still here.

I have friends. None of these are particularly deep or best friends, but they are important people in my life, and people with whom I am happy and glad to share things with. I am not a girlie girl, and letting people in is a challenge for me.

Facebook was like one big popularity contest. A giant playground. It is strangely and weirdly and nastily addictive. I know what is going on in people's lives without having to talk to them, without having to spend time with them. I can freely share with people my photos and comments and thoughts and everyone who is my friend can see all my other friends. The desire to log on to see if any of my 'friends' have updated anything or added anything is taking over my life. My restlessness and unhappiness with my own life situation drives me to peruse others lives and wish for more when I have been given SO much more than I need, and grace in abundance too.

What I should be doing is turning to God and to my husband, who is TRUELY my best friend on this earth, and talking to them, seeking their counsel and guidance. I should be soaking myself in God's word, and listening for Him speaking through the storm.

I have deactivated my Facebook account, and opened my Bible. I believe there will come a time when the two can exist in harmony in my life, but for now there is only one Book for me.

Hannah x