Christmas Spirit

What is Christmas spirit? I am not talking about the 18 pints of beer, three bottles of wine, one bottle of spirits and four glasses of fortified wine that the average Briton will get through in less than two weeks. (Does that make anyone else feel sick just reading it?)
You can do a quiz Here but it is the Guardian so beware!
Christmas is such an odd time. There is a commercial juggernaut that seems to set off in October forcing all who come within its path to have fun and be happy. Truth Christmas can be quite miserable I think.
Two years ago I was last in Croydon for Christmas, actually the first time I've been in Croydon for Christmas. On Christmas eve James and I went to the local Wetherspoons pub, to meet up with many of his friends. I can't quite explain why but the experience made my skin crawl, and still makes me miserable when I think about it. I only had one drink, not wanting to be intoxicated for Midnight Mass. As I stood in the crowded pub I looked around me, perhaps searching for the mysterious Christmas Spirit! The scene broke my heart, and I don't really know why. Men and women young and old. There was lots of noise and laughter but I couldn't feel any warmth or happiness. A man near the door caught my eye. He was in his late fifties, possible sixties. Wearing smart clothes but looking a bit scruffy. He wore thick rimmed glasses and was sitting on a busy table of young women, although he was not with them. He sat with his pint in front of him, a lonely island in the cacophony, a misfit. There was something about this man that made me want to cry. I think he represented the Christmas Spirit that says we should all be out having lots and lots of fun. I am so glad we're not going back this year.
Don't get me wrong I do love Christmas for many reasons. It is a time to stop, to spend time with the people I love, to look after myself (not been so hot on that this year.) A time to read, rest and relax in preparation for the new year. (I hate New Year's Eve...more on that in another post.) Since becoming a Christian I love Christmas for a whole other reason (and the right one I feel!) Every year when I hear the Christmas story I am reminded in a new way of God's meaning in my life. I like hearing with fresh ears the story, and I try to let its meaning permeate my conscious in a new way. The vicar once again preached a stonking sermon on Sunday evening at the Carol Service. In a break with tradition the link to download it is HERE (I'll have to be nice about church now!) The Vicar is good at Christmas, I feel like his sermons on the subject take no prisoners and he does not mince his words. My favourite line from this year was "Infinity became an infant." cheesy but loaded with meaning! So anyway, I cannot wait to go to church at 11pm on Sunday evening and welcome in Christmas morn, and thank God once again for the birth of his Son who saved me.

What a Promise.

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.
You have enlarged the nation
and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you
as people rejoice at the harvest,
as men rejoice
when dividing the plunder.
For as in the day of Midian's defeat,
you have shattered
the yoke that burdens them,
the bar across their shoulders,
the rod of their oppressor.
Every warrior's boot used in battle
and every garment rolled in blood
will be destined for burning,
will be fuel for the fire.
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David's throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
will accomplish this."
Isaiah 9: 2 - 7

Advent

I am nearly 27 years old, however as Friday dawned I realised that one yearly event had not happened. My mother had not sent me my fair trade chocolate advent calendar, which also recounts the Christmas story. However I remembered the little card my postie had popped through the door earlier in the week and early on Saturday I collected an advent calendar shaped package, with my mother's writing on, from the post office. Bless her - she's ace!
The Divine chocolate advent calendar gives you a small chocolate heart each day, and a sentence describing a stage in the Christmas story. It's a story I know well, one that everyone should know well. However as I open each door I try and take in the words afresh and take on board their meaning. I like to think that the heart is a sign of God's love, for me, for you and the world. It's also really yummy!
In addition I have downloaded the Evangelical Alliance Advent Prayer leaflet (if I had gone to church on Sunday I expect it may have been there too!) The blurb on this year's leaflet says:
'This prayer guide provides an opportunity this Advent to discover, reflect on and pray towards the bicentenary of the Abolition of the Slave Trade Act 1807.' Each day has one or two bible verses, a theme, a few sentences of introduction and points for prayer. What a great way to use advent for a focus for prayer rather than shopping.
The other week James asked me what I wanted for Christmas. My reply? 'nothing'. However my true desire for this Christmas is for warmth, comfort, rest, relaxation, friendship, fellowship, laughter, hope and expectation. I cannot wait to walk out the office in three weeks knowing I have ten days stretching out in front of me to celebrate the birth of my Lord and Saviour and share that good news with people I know.
On Christmas eve my church has two Family Services in the afternoon, simply because one isn't enough to fit everyone into the building! In the past after the second service, a group of young (18 to 30ish) people have gathered somewhere for food and then returned to church for the Midnight Eucharist. As we sat discussing this in our Mint planning evening I found myself volunteering our flat as a host venue. I am at an odd stage of life. My mother and father are 180 miles away, and James' parents are up the road. This year we are going James' parents for Christmas and Boxing Day and then onto Worcester for a while. James and I are not yet a 'family' in our own right so we split our Christmas' between two locations. Having people over on Christmas eve for me is about feeling part of a wider family. My church family. My friends, and others who I don't know so well yet. I am so excited about the thought of people filling our little flat with warmth, and love, and laughter and fellowship. The most exciting thing for me is that come 11.15 pm we'll don our coats and hats and gloves and walk up to church and celebrate the coming of Jesus Christ again, together, as a family. People over the world will be doing the same.
To me, that feeling, of belonging, and living and loving for an almighty God, is better than any other present I could get.
Hannah x

The ups and downs of a Worcester Warrior!

Well the last ten days have taken me on a roller coaster of rugby emotion. I am a huge rugby fan. I love the game, and its highs and lows. This last ten days has shown me both of those! Last Friday night I went to the Twickenham Stoop, home of NEC Harlequins. I met up with my sister and James came too. It had been raining all day. The rain had been horizontal at times! Clever me, with a desperate desire not to be cold had taken several layers and my cosy down jacket to work to wear. Shame wet feathers hold water to make you damp! Even so I went with hope and expectation in my heart. Live rugby brings out the passion in me. I shout and scream and sing. I wave my arms. I love it. I also had a naive feeling that Worcester could start their season turn around by beating fellow bottom of the leaguers Quins. I was sorely disappointed. The rugby matched the weather - it was awful! Worcester looked like a bunch of strangers who had been rounded up and told to play rugby. Now I don't mind it when Worcester lose, or in fact any team I support. But only if they have played at 100%. In the case of these guys they get PAID to play rugby. It is their JOB. Now as you know there are times I don't like my job, and I am sure we all have says when staying under the duvet seems like the preferable option but I go to work and I try to do my best. Anyway Worcester lost, they weren't beaten, they lost because they were poor, down trodden and lacked passion or flair. They trudged off the pitch staring down the barrel of the first division with 8 defeats out of 8 in the league. The supporters were angry. The Quins fans were SO ANTISOCIAL. Never have I been to a less welcoming rugby ground, win or lose its usually a good laugh in the bar chatting with the other team's fans. Not at the Stoop. Before the game Alice and I walked past a couple of men in their forties chatting. I overheard one say to the other in suitably plummy tones: "Well I've been to internationals you know, but nothing like this." Like what?? Oh an actual game of club rugby! Yick. And the journey home was long, and cold. On Monday afternoon Worcester sacked their head coach. Supporters started to talk. This is what they had wanted. It an odd feeling knowing that someone has lost their job, and this makes you happy. I struggle with that, but I also acknowledge that something had to change. A rising sense of optimism filled the message boards. Could we turn our season around, or even just win a league game! Sunday afternoon. Vicarage Road. Watford. Home of Saracens, and the biggest white elephant in rugby union - Andy Farrell. I find it hard knowing that my ticket money goes to paying his wages. Flippin RFU. I settled down on my sofa, Sky showing the game (live Rugby is why I pay my subscription!!) Nervous was not the word and I only had my geriatric cat to keep me company. The first half was DIRE. It was wet and windy and Worcester lost ball and opportunities. They went into half time 17-3 down and I resigned myself to another bad loss, and next season in the 1st Division. The second half saw the arrival of Tony 'Reg' Windo and Shane Drahm to the pitch, followed by Gavin THE Quinnell. It was a different team on that pitch. I screamed at the TV, I shouted encouragement, wondering how loud I would have to shout for it to be heard in Watford. The forwards scored a try. Then THE QUINNELL scored an awesome crash ball try. 17 - 17. Oh my life. We might not get beaten. 77 minutes SHINE DRAHM boots a perfect kick towards the uprights. I stopped breathing. It went over. I was hysterical. The cat ran away! The scariest 4 minutes for a long time followed and Worcester tried hard to throw it away! But they held on. The relief was written on the players faces. They thanked their fans, I called my sister. A ray of hope shone on the Warriors and all who follow them. We're still bottom. But we played like we meant it. If we can keep on doing that then even life in the first division won't be too bad!! Hannah x

Dear Diary

Yesterday I undertook one of my favourite annual rituals.
No not Christmas shopping, but buying my diary for next year.
Every year I go to Paperchase and peruse the diary selection. I want something that will last me the whole year and will become my friend! I want something practical, in size and layout, as well as something fun and funky!
Next year's diary is an a6 size dark pink leather affair. Classy but cool I hope.
I think the excitement of a new diary is more than just looks though. There is something intensely appealing to me about the smooth, crisp blank pages stretching out before me. It represents a new year, blank pages waiting to be filled. There is something about the not knowing what the year will bring.
Of course the first thing I wrote in my diary was my wedding day. I have a feeling that once we're through the festive season time will begin to gallop and May 5th will be upon us sooner than we expect! It seems so far away at the moment and still unreal in many ways.
As I get older time gets faster. Does this happen to anyone else? I have to remind myself sometimes to stop, breathe, listen, see and live. H x

Where I Live

I live in South Croydon. By my estimate I live just on the 'R' of Croydon on this map. London is a huge and all consuming place and most of the time I don't really consider myself to live in London. I work in Brixton, further up the A23, which is the red road running north from Croydon. Brixton looks and feels VERY different to Croydon, and is most definitely part of the metropolis that is London. If you get the angle right, on the right floor of my building you can see Big Ben!
Anyway, at the moment I really love where I live. I've been in Croydon three and a half years, and in my wonderful rented flat for just over two. I am lucky that I, along with James, rent a really nice two bedroom flat from some people at church. The rent is very good, council tax is reasonable and I have room to swing a whole cattery's worth of cats should I wish to. They lived in it before we did, so it feels homely. It has a great location: you can walk to the train station, its 5 minutes to church, you can walk to several pubs selling real ale, a slightly longer walk takes you to South End, FULL of bars and restaurants, and if you're feeling energetic a few more minutes in the same direction takes you to Croydon itself. Failing that it's on four bus routes. James parents live a mile and a half up the road, and there are two supermarkets within a ten minute drive. On top of that it takes 25 minutes to get to London Bridge or Victoria, or equally if you drive for 25 minutes the other way you are in countryside, another 25 minutes and Brighton beckons.
The main reason why I like where I live is because most of the time I feel like its home. It has taken me a while to get to this point. Church is a major part of this. Whilst I wouldn't say I am part of the furniture there I feel less and less like a stranger every time I walk through the doors. I have friends at church, some close, some not so close. But a good group of people about my age. We have recently compounded this informal group into something called MINT, giving newcomers and others between 18-30 something a chance to get involved in something social every week after evening church. James' friends are finally becoming my friends too. On top of that I have a rugby team to play for (which I did on Sunday shhhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone!), a WeightWatchers group, and involvement in Scouts.
I fit in. Life isn't too fast paced, and escape routes exist.
James came home from a night out with his friend last night and declared that we should move closer to London. We've had this discussion before and I have expressed my fear, worries and dislike about it. James friend has been in London about 6 months. He loves it. They had a conversation that ended in the suggestion that James should move closer towards the river. I disagree. I don't see any point in moving for the sake of it. 'London Life' does not appeal in its traditional sense. Anyway the conversation we had upset me. In fact I was still in a bad mood when I woke up. Perhaps James' whimsy nature, his grass is always greener thinking, is the personality trait of his I most dislike. Sometimes it's fun and frivolous, and other times it messes with my head. Last night was one of those times.
To me my home needs to be a place I feel settled, a place where I have a support network, friends and I can be part of the fabric. 'London' in its traditional sense does not really have those things for me. South Croydon, for me at the moment, is a great place to call my home.
Hannah

Wedding catch up blog

Hello.
Been busy - what's new there then!!
On the wedding front its is now less than 6 months to go!! I am quite excited.
I have booked a florist - not as scary as I thought it might be. If anyone asks me what I'm having I can tell them 'flowers!'
My cake situation has progressed from plain M&S iced to Alice's amazing friend Lou making me an awesome creation.
Oh yeah I ordered a dress. I don't think I ever shared that. Its lovely. That's all I can tell you.
I've booked a hairdresser, and arranged for someone to do my make up on the day.
James, Doug and James Snr are off to be measured for their suits on Friday.
We've registered somewhere to be our wedding list, although we haven't started putting it together. It was so nice to do something wedding related that isn't costing us money.
Oh yeah and I have created this, to be used as an information point for our guests. Have a look and see what you think: Gordon Wedding
H x

A blog to make you think

I read Emily's blog quite regularly.
I came across it when I was training for the Hydro Active.
I'll let her blog explain about her. I don't know her.
Pink and Smiley

She has set up a campaign called 'Live life then give life.' http://www.livelifethengivelife.co.uk/
to raise awareness about the huge lack of organ donors in the UK.

It feels a bit odd - signing up to be a donor which , God willing, won't have any effect on Emily in the foreseeable future. I thought I'd have loads to say in this post but I don't. I am affected by her blog and I wanted to share.

Hannah

Ebb and Flow

I have been pondering how life ebbs and flows today. More specifically how people come and go from your life.
About a month ago I got an email from a girl Kate DB who I used to play rugby with at university - my email hasn't changed in 8 years so if I'm in someone's address book people can find me! So anyway she was off traveling and emailed out her BLOG address (I'll add it to my links when I remember.) I don't think we've really kept in touch but it was good to hear from her and nice to read her blog (I am a blog stalker!!)
So then about three weeks ago I was on the bus from Clapham to Brixton thinking about how I needed some new shoes. I saw a woman walking along the road with lovely shoes and thought those are the sort of shoes I want. So I looked again and the person attached to the shoes was another girl Katy P who I played rugby with at university (you need to remember here that I went to university in Cardiff!)
Anyway I emailed Kate DB enquired how she was doing, ribbed her about Andy Farrell - she's a Sarries girl - and asked her if she had an address for Katy P. From thousands of miles away on the other side of the world she winged a reply to me with a hotmail address. Now I think I am unusual in that A. I still have a hotmail account from 8 years ago and B. I still check it. So I emailed Katy P. And she replied.
That's two people who've been out of my life for ages walking back in. And Katy P had news of two other rugby girls. So I feel like a light has come on in a bit of my old life!
There's a flip side to this; thinking about people who walk out of your life. Not necessarily under a cloud or anything but or whatever reason are no longer part of the pattern of your day to day being. There are two women from the rugby club I am have most recently been playing for who have moved to another club. In fact one has set it up she didn't keep this a secret but she will be missed for her spirit and skill. The other stepped down from a role in our club citing health reasons. And a couple of months later turned up on the pitch of the new team. I reckon that if women are playing rugby and the sport is alive GREAT, play for who you want to. But be honest about it. This has troubled me and I can't really express why. And I'm not even an official member anymore!
So yes. Comings and goings. Ebbs and flows. Hannah

Music on the Buses

This is the bus I get in the morning from Clapham Junction to Brixton.
Since I have shifted my hours around to start earlier I get this bus more often. I also co-incide with more school kids. This is fine - I'd rather kids used buses than their parents cars.
However London has a problem. Other places might also have a problem but London's is the only one I can report on.
I need to preceed this with a statement: 'I am a grumpy [old] woman.'
The problem is that swanky mobile phones these days have a facility whereby they can play music stored on the phone through the speaker rather than just channelling it down headphones. Who ever gave a phone this function deserves a good talking to imho. Anyway there are significant numbers of people (mainly kids although not exclusively) who play music, often loudly, through their phones on the bus. This is EXTREMELY annoying if you don't want to listen to rap, r'n'b, garage or any other genre that you wouldn't normally pick. Especially if its 7.30 am and you wish you were still unconscious under the duvet.
Having experienced this personally I've considered asking offending person to turn their music down. But this is not a polite culture we live in and I am worried about abuse and physical violence. So I sit and fume in silence. I even complained to Transport for London once. They said they ask peopel to respect fellow passengers but cannot enforce this.
In London under 18s in full time education get a free travel pass. One of the conditions is that they do not break rules on buses. However playing music doesn't seem to be one of these.
BUT it turns out I am not the only Pi**ed of person. Someone has spoken out via the web and started a petition. You can see the website and sign it here: music free buses
Woo Hoo. A people's uprising! Well maybe not but its a start.
H

Six!

Last Sunday James and I celebrated six years as a couple. To celebrate this fact we ate lots and went for a walk int he same area where James proposed.
In many ways six years has flown by, but its only when looking back that I can see how we've grown and maturedand fitted more and more into the pattern of each others' lives. We've had some good times, and some not so good times. We've had sad times, happy times and as the photo shows some down right silly times.
Everyday I am more and more convinced that I have loved this man since I first met him. I can't remember when I knew I'd marry him but it was more than 10 and half months ago!!
I hope that in another six, sixteen or sixty years time we will still be having fun, still arguing over the washing up, and who feeds the cat, and generally just getting along with being us.

What a difference a week makes

I stood in church again last night and actively thanked God for His work in my life this week. It has been a good week, and I think last Sunday was a bit like going through the wash, a renewing and refreshing of my faith.
Don't get too excited! There was no lightning flash or booming voice from heaven. But God has acted and spoken to me. And my spirit is calmer as a result.
The biggest thing this week was starting my Certificate in Counselling and Counselling skills at Birkbeck. Arriving at Goodge Street tube station and emerging into the drizzly windy grey Thursday afternoon, and then making my way to my class through crowds of UCL students, and even passing their students union filled me with a weird but bizarrely comforting sense of a new term at university. Beginnings are always quite stressful, full of anticipation and require concentration. I was quite tired afterwards. I have mixed feelings about the people on my course, my tutor and how the next 32 weeks of study will pan out. I am sure that it will be OK and as a requirement I have to keep a learning journal. I think through this blog I am already learning how good recording can be for reflection and growth so I feel quite positive about that aspect of it.
Perhaps the strangest thing was the general reaction to the 'reading list'. Now I managed to gain a BSc in Psychology with a 2,i and over 70% in my research project and I bought a sum total of three books. Not three books a term or a year but over my entire degree course. This reaction to book buying tells me two things - I am tightfisted and I have the ability to go to a library, use the internet and a photocopier. Anyway there was this great clamor over the list, which some people have and some do not. There was the usual 'it's not available' and 'I bought it yesterday'. Yick. It makes my skin crawl. Its like a competition. CHILL OUT.
But on the whole I am looking forward to it - especially when we start the meatier stuff, rather than rules and introductions.
So yes, a better week, topped off by the purchase of a pair of size 14 trousers!!
H x

?

I am not sure what I am going to put in this post but I some how wanted to put some of what is going through my head down in words.
God and I have not been doing so well of late. My head knows He is still there, my eyes read His word and my lips say prayers to Him. But my heart, doesn't somehow feel properly connected. Now it's not like God on Pause like earlier in the year, because I know He's there and I can see Him at work. I guess I just feel a bit like I'm drifting away. Now that's not to say I don't believe, or I don't want to be able to praise Him and worship Him in all I do but I'm struggling.

In the last ten days two people I know have died. In very different, but very tragic circumstances. Both deaths have asked questions of my faith.
The partner of a friend 'a' went missing two months ago after their relationship broke down. He sent letters home indicating that he couldn't go on but he loved the people to whom he wrote. His body was found in the sea last week, after he took his own life. He went missing during the 24-7 prayer week, and I wrote his name on the wall. I know more people than I prayed for him, his partner, family and friends. I know that there can now be a funeral and an end. People can mourn. I also know that God has answered prayer, but not how I wanted! The thing I am struggling most with is where suicide fits with my faith. God loves us all, no matter what we do, and God's love never wavers. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us less. I have spoken to a couple of friends Christian and non-Christian. They have been helpful in different ways, and I suspect God has placed them there for me at this time. They both said the same thing. That God loved 'a', and we as humans walk away from God but he always holds onto us. As a human I do not have the power or authority to judge anyone and only God can do that. Until I stand in heaven with my God I will not know the answer to whether 'a' knew God too.

So tonight I went to church with all of this heavy on my heart, we started singing and I read the words and just thought I can't sing them. I asked God to come back into my life, my doubting stubborn and difficult life. And He did. He took me in His arms and said its OK, you don't have to do it alone. I find that hard to understand and tonight became another evening of praise and tears. Even words in the sermon seemed to have been written for me. Bits about God's love is the same whether he is ministering to us at that moment or whether he has asked us to wait. I love that the people I am at church with don't question or try to make it better but just stand by, give hugs and provide tissues. They are my church family that I take for granted but couldn't live without.

God I know you're awesome but my pea brain is having problems with that. However once again I will live my life for you.

Hannah xx

Hooray Hooray for a holi holi day

Lil Sis Alice and I had a perfect girlie holiday in Rhodes a week or so ago. It was hot and sunny and had just the right mix of doing nothing, reading books and seeing bits of the island.
Our hotel was less than perfect and I would not encourage anyone to go and stay there - for reference it was the Blue Bay Hotel and Sunland Apartments. The food was pretty naff, but we were there on an all inclusive basis so didn't have too much choice!! We went out for lunches which was lovely and put up with it the rest of the time.
the two trips we went on were fab - a trip to a wine festival in the mountains - with proper Greek supper in a family restaurant. The other was a boat trip from Rhodes Town to Lindos with a swimming stop. For some reason I LOVE jumping off boats and swimming in the sea, as long as I have a snorkel and mask!! I can take or leave swimming from the beach but swimming from a boat is awesome.
Lindos was beautiful, calm and felt like a proper Greek village. The Acropolis was good, but we ended up on top of it at noon - in the blazing heat. Still managed to still and wonder about how this structure was around before Jesus Christ. Quite a head messing thought.
The weirdest thing about our accommodation was the evening entertainment - which was run by the in house 'animation' team. There was also an on site kids club run by a Dutch holiday company. They started every evening with a song - which both Alice and I woke up several mornings singing - I thought you might like to hear it here: KIDSWORLD
So yes a much needed break. I have come back feeling better, refreshed and more positive. Let's hope it can last 7 months!!
H xx

Bit Late But........ I Did It!

Here is me looking a bit pinky with my medal after completing the Hydro Active in 35 minutes. Chuffed.
It was a great experience, I was quite nervous at the start and it was really weird running with so many other people. For the first kilometer or so I was quite overwhelmed and a bit tearful. I used to get this playing rugby sometimes and I think it is adrenalin, so I took deep breaths and used the adrenalin to keep me running.
I might do it again next year but I'm not sure. I am really glad that I did it and proved to myself that I can run and I can do something if I set my mind to it. Next challenge?
Hannah xx

Congratulations

Firstly to the new Mr and Mrs Beckford. Their wedding at St Paul's Cathedral was wonderful, steeped in tradition and included a good rousing Welsh rugby hymn! The reception was equally lovely, the pink champagne and canapes were greatly appreciated, the food was good, the speeches amusing and the dancing was non stop. Matt, James and Rob were entertaining on the way home too. Beth and Darryl and now adventuring round Oz on their honeymoon and to make us all jealous you can keep up with their news here


Secondly congratulations to the new Mr and Mrs Fletcher. Unfortunately I didn't attend their St. Ives wedding due to a prior engagement with the beach in Rhodes but I gather it was a warm and sunny day with a good time had by all.

Keeping on the wedding theme - D DAY is Saturday!!!!

H xx

It's Only Rock n' Roll........

But I like it!
Last night James and I drove from my parents in Worcester to Cardiff for an evening of Rock n Roll in the shape of the Rolling Stones Bigger Bang world tour at the Millennium Stadium.
It was AWESOME!
Seeing the Rolling Stones live was one of my things to do before your thirty list, and I am SO glad I had the chance to tick that off last night.
They truly rocked. Four born entertainers, who really need nothing more than their music. Whilst there was undeniably a 'show' it was nothing like some of the other arena shows I've been to where there is an 'Act' as well as the music. There was no fancy Choreography, no extras, very little swanky video but there was great and timeless music, played loud and with passion. The ferocity with which they performed, the energy and the excitement makes you forget that these guys have been touring for over 40 years.
As my mother regularly reminds me 'I met Mick Jagger and got nail polish on his hand.'
Well as far as I'm concerned they've still got it and they still ROCK!

Fun and Frolics

Well in a week and half I will have done my running and raised some cash. There is still time to donate at THIS LINK
The picture on the left was taken about a week ago to go with the press release Leukaemia CARE are sending out. It's all a bit grand for what it really is - lazy old me getting my ass moving.
This week I have learnt the lesson about making sure your body has enough fuel to move. On Saturday we went to Brighton with the Payne family for fish and chips and frolics on the beach with their kids. It was great fun, but after munching points laden fried food (and really enjoying it) I wasn't hungry come the evening so had a few nibbles and a piece of Kim's birthday cake.
Sunday morning was time to run, I woke up in a naff mood, feeling lethargic and grumpy - probably the bad food and glass of wine the day before. After a cup of tea James said we should run.
Well I tried but my legs were like lead, my body felt like it was made to stand still and I struggled, then the fact that I was dehydrated hit me and fuzzy things swam across my eyes. James got in a bad mood and told me it was psychological. Well maybe some of it was - the bad mood and grumpiness - but my body unlike his needs a good feed before it is asked to do anything. So there. Lesson learnt.
H x

The Wallaby Blog!

Hmmm - haven't felt like blogging lately. I've just been getting on with life I guess.
Some lovely things have happened:
James took me to Leonardslee which was lovely - it is a private garden with lakes, and old cars, and Wallabies!! There were wee little baby ones and albino ones. They were cute - James didn't think Trixie would get on with them so we didn't bring one home. After Leonardslee we went for afternoon tea in Westerham. It was wonderful. It was SO good to have day out with just the two of us, in lovely surroundings and just taking time to walk, and chat and be with each other.
The running is getting better. I am up to two and a half miles. My vest arrived from Leukaemia CARE and my number and final instructions from Hydro Active. This has made me excited, although nervous. I still have another £45 or so to raise so if you are feeling generous CLICK HERE NOW
And finally I have WeightWatchers news. I have now been a member for 11 weeks. When I first joined I was set a goal to lose 10% of my body weight - this is a good starting point and has lots of health benefits. Anyway 23lb later I got my 10% keyring on Thursday night. Yeay! I have now set a final goal to get to 12 stone. This is still quite a lot of weight to lose but I am feeling positive. And slimmer.
SO slim in fact I took my Bridesmaid dress to be adjusted today so that I can wear it to Bethany and Darryl's wedding at the end of the month. They are getting married in St. Paul's Cathedral - so I feel it could be a hat wedding. That's my next challenge...........!
H xx

Keep on keeping on

It's been a quiet couple of weeks.
James went to Barcelona with the boys and had a good time.
I slammed my finger in my front door and was nearly sick with pain, it's not very pretty but I can feel it again now.
Had a lovely weekend this weekend. I have got more organised on the wedding front with a Budget Spreadsheet and a Guest List database. James thinks I have lost it, but I like to know where I am.
Saturday saw James and his Dad at 'Pantiles Groom' - a whole shop for Grooms in Tunbridge Wells deciding whether to buy or hire a suit. A decision has been made and a price obtained. Sorted! Wow. Suppose I better get a dress soonish then!
The whole wedding thing is still very surreal and feels like it is happening to someone else. But it's good I think.
James made me run on Saturday - and I only walked once for about 30 meters to take on water. We measured our route in the car on Sunday and found out it was 2 miles - chuffed.
To celebrate after going to the gym yesterday I bought myself some sexy ass running trousers!
And finally Jeremy preached on Me? A Missionary? Last Sunday. He used the passage about Jesus walking on water and the book 'If you want to walk on water you've got to step out of the boat.' He finished asking What is your boat? And Are you being called to step out of it? God gave me an answer. Loudly and clearly He said 'No'. It is time to rest, time to curl up on the cushions at the back of the boat, feel the sunshine on my face and the hear the gently lapping water. It is time to take, renew and refresh.
Now how do I learn to do that? H x

24-7 Pictures

I just wanted to share some pictures of the prayer room with you, especially for those of you who may have been reading my blog thinking 'what on earth is she going on about?' As always feel free to leave me comments and questions and you can email me too. H x


 

Amen

Dear Lord
Thank you so much for moving into our prayer room last week. It was awesome in ways I could never have imagined.
Thank you for working in so many people's lives last week, allowing them to pray, to come to you, to be loved by you and cared for. Thank you that people opened the hearts and minds to a new thing and met you in the middle of it.
Thank you that as a church we embraced prayer in a new way.
Thank you that people felt comfortable enough to use the room however they wished, thank you for those who painted, and scribbled, and sang and danced and were still. Thank you that the walls grew and groaned and spoke more and more as the week went on.
Thank you for the children, thank you for their innocence and their simple embracing of the space. Thank you especially for the two local kids who came in off the street and learnt that praying doesn't just mean 'hands together, eyes closed.'
Thank you that you were with me, that you gave me the energy to get up at 5.45am every morning. Thank you that you made it OK that we couldn't cover the night slots.
Thank you that I trusted you, thank you that you spoke to me in ways that I could hear. Thank you that people thanked me.
Lord God if we do this again, call more workers and teach me to delegate.
Lord please don't let this work be lost.
Thank you for being love, awesome big incomprehensible love.
Amen x

Prayer update

Well the slots are filling up. People appear to be praying, the walls are filling up and starting to reveal people's heart cries. There was a gap yesterday evening so James and I had a conversation and decided that he would cover it. I went in to the room with him, and had a quick look at the way the room is growing.
I heard God say: 'I told that I would be here, and that I would hear them. I told you I had it. NOW do you trust me.'
As I drove away to the wilds of Tesco - which by the way looked like a communist food store with huge swathes of bare shelves - I had a renewed sense of calm.
James had a great hour, despite his cynicism. He said the hour wasn't enough and is going back at 6am tomorrow for more, which also means I get a lie in!!
I am not down to pray until Friday night - which in a way I am quite sad about. But I am looking forward to it and time alone with my creator.
I am still worried about the weekend though with massive gaps in the schedule. Will pray about this.
Hannah x

24-7 Prayer Room

It's up and running. It looks good, it feels safe and I hope people meet God in there.
Most of the hour long slots are filled and I spent an hour in there this morning between 6am and 7am.
It was a good way to start the week, although it was a sacrifice leaving my bed.
I still feel responsible for it - although I know that I shouldn't.
I am calmer about the job thing. I don't feel any sense of closure, or security. I don't know how long I can continue to do my current job but for the time being I should just get on with it.

angry and upset

Today I am angry and upset.
I didn't get the job I went for yesterday. The interviewer called. Apparently they interviewed people in the order they thought they met criteria etc. I was interviewed first. I was apparently the best candidate on paper. I had the job in the bag until 3pm yesterday when they interviewed a woman who already works in a Supporting People team for a local authority and does some user involvement there. She wowed them at interview and got the job. I am gutted, truely this is worse than missing out by miles. It makes NO SENSE.
Peopel keep telling me oh there will be more jobs and God has a plan - but I am finding it increasingly difficult to see how that can be so when I am SO miserable in my job.
Then a client called and made it worse.
Really really low, all I want to do is take to my bed and stay there.
Hannah

21 years on!!

This rather dodgy looking bunch is the recreation of my Godmother and her husband's wedding party! They got married 21 years ago: CONGRATS! So to celebrate they had a party. Left to right the roles were Bridesmaid, Groom, Bride, Giver Awayer, Bridesmaid and Best Man! It was a surreal experience but great fun! H x

Confused

Yesterday I started a new job. But I am also doing the old one. Confused? I'll say so.
The long drawn out plot of my job situation thickens.
A decision was made a few weeks back that I would be seconded to another organisation within the building. They have a similarly funded project, that was running on a slightly adjusted time scale. Their worker was leaving for personal reasons and it seemed like an excellent opportunity. I had a handover day and left the office for Milla's wedding with the situation straight in my head. Then whilst on leave some money for my project to continue came through. Not quite 12 months worth but a good chunk.
So when I came back from leave I thought the situation would become clear. Errr no.
The CEO of the other organisation is on leave. Their worker has left. There is work at my current organisation for me to be getting going. So where does that leave me?
All over the place that's where - some time upstairs sometimes here. It is really unsettling and I find that I cannot throw myself whole heartedly into either not knowing what future plans will be.
So I am still miserable and hot and tired.
Oh and I have an interview on Thursday morning! We'll see........

Introducing Mrs Williams

As of last Saturday afternoon my bestest friend is now Mrs Williams. It was a wonderful weekend from start to finish. I don't think I have enough words to describe how much I enjoyed it, and how priviledged I felt to be a part of it all.
It was fun, and nerve wracking and stressful and hysterical. We laughed lots and we were a bit stressed - especially when I dropped about 40 glass tealight holders onto the pavement outside Milla's house reducing them to just 16!
We got exhausted, we got our nails painted, we drank more wine than we had intended to on Friday night.
We went for a head clearing nerve calming walk on Saturday morning and smoothly got ready. Minor disaster with a missing eyeshadow - small things suddenly matter in times of stress. Then I laced her into her dress, she put her veil and hair jewels on and we were ready.
Had a few wobbly bottom lip moments leading to a crescendo of nerves seconds before walking into the ceremony room and then we were off!
It was lovely to see two people so in love and so ready to deal with the ups and downs of life pledge themselves to each other forever. I think everyone got watery eyed as the groom's voice broke during his vows.
The party afterwards was great fun, the food was yummy, the wine flowed easily, the dancing was crazy and the cake was fab and all too soon it was over. James said it was the best wedding he's been to, and if ours is even half as fun filled and joyous I will be happy.
Here's to you Mr and Mrs Christopher and Camilla Williams, The Bride and Groom xx

Unexpected

I met God again this morning. On platform three of East Croydon station. It was unexpected. I was on my way to work as usual.
I am reading Taming the Tiger by Tony Anthony (see left.) It is a good book about a Kung Fu champion, and his path to Christ and beyond. I have not finished it. It was one of the book available to read at the Living Room in Tenerife where I was last year. I picked it up in a charity shop a few weeks ago.
Anyway I was sitting on the platform waiting for my usual 08.28 First Capital Connect train to Herne Hill. I have about ten minutes so it is always a good opportunity to get stuck into whatever I'm reading. The bit I read this morning is an account of the words of Michael Wright to Tony. Michael had been visiting Tony for a while by this point, literally being Christ to him and letting him know about Jesus' love. Michael began telling Tony about the God shaped hole in his heart, and how nothing would fill it except Christ. There were several quotes from scripture including Romans 8 verse 1: 'Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Jesus Christ the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Wow! I was shocked by those words, and suddenly it hit me that I have been so far away from His truth and how bad I feel without Him. Silently God joined me and filled my heart with His spirit once again.
Tears welled up as I continued to read on the train about Tony's hearfelt cries to God, and once again I felt the need to ask God to come into my life again. And He did. I feel strangely peaceful, and prepared. I feel like I am walking God's way again. I've missed it, let's see where it takes me this time! H x

Finishing

Yesterday was the last session of my counselling course. For thirteen weeks and ten sessions (Easter and half term in the middle) I have shared not only a introduction to Counselling for Christians course but a journey. The people on the course were great, men and women from a wide variety of social, cultural, geographical and denominational backgrounds. Inspite of, or perhaps because of, our differences we bonded quickly and grew as helpers over the time we were together. I feel like I have really shared in these people's lives, and quite deeply in some cases. I have also grown, I have learnt how to share some of my stuff, some stuff that I keep buried and hidden and trodden down. I have learnt to set goals, without which I wouldn't have joined WW, I have learnt to listen, and really listen, and not talk about myself.
Most of all I have discovered that Counselling is something I do want to pursue in the future. It is something that makes me tick inside, it is something that makes me feel alive. I also know that now is not the time for me to pursue this.
I feel good, like I've achieved something. H x

Weighing In

Well it's two weeks since I joined WeightWatchers. I have to say my first meeting was a bit like an out of body experience. But so far it has made me focus on food and my eating in a really positive way. I don't feel like I am 'on a diet'. I do feel like I am starting to understand my eating, my picking etc. I have even managed to eat out twice and for the first time in a LONG time I only had two courses!
It's actually quite fun, although the drive to meeting fills me with a bizarre nervousness.
And the results - well in the first two weeks I have lost 6.5 lb. Chuffed? I'd say so! H x

How to encourage prayer?

On Sunday night I stood up in front of church and tried my hardest to light a flame of interest in the congregation for a project that burns passionately for me.
I have spoken to The Vicar and I am organising a week of 24-7 prayer for my church. Well nearly 24-7. Due to safety and practicality it will only run 24-7 for the last weekend but the prayer room will be open from 6am until 10pm the other days. Its running from July 9th - July 16th. That's soon.
I'm scared. I'm scared it'll fail, I'm scared I won't be able to tell people about what it is, what it's for, how it will be set up, how it can be used. I'm scared that people won't come, and people won't pray.
Being the rather anal organised person that I am I really want to control this. But I can't. It's not mine, it belongs to God. If I put too much of myself in the prayer room then how will God get in there? How will other people find space to pray. If I don't explain it clearly then how will people know that this thing changes lives, prayer is powerful and we should embrace this chance to invite God in.
The other week I asked God during the service to show me that 24-7 was what I should be doing right now. Right then Helen ended the service reading from Red Moon Rising. OK God - so that was quick - now I need Your help.
Not only will this be a challenge for our church it'll be a personal challenge for me. A lesson in how to let God lead, and a lesson in how to follow. Hmmmm. H x

I AM

Sometimes I get a bit bogged down in my life and I stress about little things like the fact that no washing up has been done since Monday, or my train is late to work. Sometimes in these moments when I'm miserable and grumpy and bored God scoops me up and reminds me that He has a plan, He is in control and He loves me.
A ray of sunshine, a smile, a hug all remind me of the bigger picture. When I find myself questioning God and where I fit and why I should listen to Him I remember what God said to Moses when he asked what he should tell the Israelites when they asked him the name of God:
'God said to Moses, "I am who I am". This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' ' Exodus 3: 14
God is so big so awesome and so amazing that his name is simply 'I AM.' No more explanation is needed!

Jack is still battling on. His family are with him. He has been asleep a lot. The end is near and I am convinced that when God calls him home heaven will welcome him with open arms and a massive party.

H

Weight Watching

Well the diet wasn't working. I wasn't getting anywhere nearer to being a 'Little less round nice girl :-)' (thanks Mike)
I was getting miserable about it and looking at some recent photos made me grimace. It was once again my counselling course that helped me. We looked at action planning and setting goals in a helping relationship. In threes we had to tlak through an issue that we had and set goals. It was cathartic. It was good to be honest about my issues with weight and the way I can lie to myself about what I am eating. I am queen of 'one more won't hurt' as I shove another biscuit in my mouth. I have a sweet tooth and I LOVE food. E-Diets wasn't doing it. I was accountable to no-one but myself and it was easy to skip weigh in. So my group set a goal for me to join Weight Watchers before we meet again next Wednesday. Being the tight fisted Capricorn that I am the 'join free' before 28th May spurred me on and I found a local meeting the next day.
Surprisingly it was all OK. The people are normal, the leader is a real person with a sense of humour and the plan is fab. I've stuck to it so far and I even managed to have a bit of my boss' birthday cake. Now that's what I call a diet! H x

Camilla Hen and the Girls

Following Roddy's request below here are a couple of the earlier pictures from our weekend. Camilla is the one in the film staresque white trench and in the pub picture her mum is to her right. The day was a bit grey and chilly but it's amazing what a couple of glasses of good wine can do......!

Little Jack

This is a bit of a random one. I'll let the link below do most of the talking. Little Jack Wakefield is a three year old London Irish rugby fan. He has cancer. He was given twenty four hours to live on Friday and his parents took him home on Saturday morning. The rugby supporting community has drawn together in prayer and support for him and his family. Every day hundreds log on to the London Irish Message board to chack for messages and leave a note of support. At the time of writing God has not yet called him home, and through updates that get posted on the London Irish message board we found out that yesterday afternoon he was running around playing pirates. Once again I find myself asking God what's going on whilst desperately praying that His will be done in this situation.
London Irish Board

Hen Hiatus!

This weekend was Camilla's hen 'do'. I managed to organise, book and co-ordinate a trip to Oxford for ten lovely ladies with the key word being 'Classy'.
It has been a marathon weekend having driven to Worcester on Friday after work, slept for 6 hours, caught a train to Oxford somewhere gained another 6 and a half hours sleep, caught a train back to Worcester and then driven back to Croydon.
First panic of the weekend happened fifteen minutes after we were due to meet at the station: NO BRIDE, not answering mobile or land line - awful of images of hen in diabetic coma unable to be roused sprung into my mind. Actual cause was hangover and Bride made late entrance looking shame-faced in time to board train. All dressed in Yellow we bundled onto the 10.13 to London Paddington.
Brunch and Buck's (or should that be Hen's) Fizz went down a treat and passed the hour long journey brilliantly - thanks to Lil Sis for sourcing the plastic champagne glasses. Oxford Backpackers Hostel was five minutes walk, small and friendly - would recommend for short stay.
Our boat trip was just wonderful. Thanks to Giles at Oxford river cruises who even managed to accommodate our request for a place serving a cup of tea!
After a nap - yes I know sleeping is cheating - we all glammed up for an evening out in Oxford. Only one negative experience ensued with a large bouncer who had an elevated sense of his own importance. A good night was had by all with the last falling into bed at 4.30 am! oh yes we beat the boys!
The weather turned on us by Sunday but bleary eyed we trudged through the rain for a yummy brekkie, followed by a quiet and reflective train ride home.
Here's hoping the wedding goes as smoothly and the weather bucks it's ideas up.
H xx

Found this and liked it......

"...who am I to come to worship the Almighty and expect to get something? Yet that's what most of us do, turning up tired from a week's work and busy weekend, needing our batteries recharging, looking for a bit of a power-pack from God or to be caught up in some holy moment... (but) if worship is a gift, then it is absolutely not about what I am looking to get out of it, but what I am looking to give."
Kester Brewin's Complex Christ

Committed

I did it. I registered for the Hydro Active Women's challenge. I think I must be crazy. I am really not a runner. Anyway It'll give me a goal, and motivation to get my butt in the gym. Side effects should hopefully include weight loss and toning. 5K really isn't THAT far, but for someone who used to cheat at cross country is is rather daunting. James says he'll help me train but I fear that may induce shouting and bloodshed! Maybe I just need to change my approach and everything will turn out OK.

The best bit is that I get to raise some cash for the lovely folk at Leukaemia CARE so they can keep on doing their thang. It feels good to have a goal and to be doing something positive. I'd like to raise about £100 so if you're feeling generous and you want to contribute to that you can find my fundraising page at www.justgiving.com/huggyhannah Follow the instructions and remember to Gift Aid it if you are a taxpayer.
Come back in a few weeks to see how the training is going! H x

Weather Forecast

At my counselling course on Wednesday evening we all had to give a weather report of how things are for us at the moment. Mine went like this:

"After a torrential downpour on Sunday afternoon skies have been grey and heavy with showers. However this seems to be clearing with an outlook of sunnier spells to come."

Its been an odd week. I do feel quite cloudy. I have no reason to really. Life just carries on. I feel a bit like I am on the treadmill in the gym and because I don't want to fall off I just keep going even though every bit of wants to stop.
There have been some sunny bits though too: home group started again, I had a facial and an eyebrow shape, I went to see my friend Chan in her lovely lovely new house. She is such a great person with a wonderful family, and now she's just round the corner.
I have my Rugby Club end of season dinner, unlike the one my sister is going to I won't be sharing the company of the man who will lead England on their tour to Australia - nice one Pat - but I will be surrounded by a bunch of women, and a rabble of men, who've played a large part in my life over the last three years. I know it won't be good bye forever but it is the ending of a chapter. I always enjoy the end of season dinner up till the end of the awards. Then the drinking gets silly and men seem to always get naked, I hasten to add that the women don't suffer from the latter part. I have asked God to help me shine this evening, I want to be a light.
And finally... I have a job interview on Monday at 15.50. It's with a national charity doing user invovlement work. If you're a praying type a few choice words would be greatly appreciated.
Cheers, H xx

Taken too soon

God threw a curve ball last night that completely felled me and I don't know why. To make this story flow I need to give you some background.
About six weeks ago: I got a group email from my friend on the leadership team of a large evangelical church in Cardiff. It was a forwarded message from Rob Lacey's PA asking us to pray for him and his family. He had suffered, and been cured of cancer in 2001 but the cancer was back with a vengeance. His wife was 36 weeks pregnant at the time of the email, with their second child. He had been offered chemo or surgery as a last option and although neither were appealing with his wife so pregnant he took chemo. After reading the email I googled Rob to find out he was the author of the Street Bible which became the Word on the Street and was a performer also. I prayed on and off for a couple of weeks and heard nothing.
Fast forward: Last night at church the Vicar preached on Luke 11: 1-13 entitled 'The God you Pray to.' The sermon was about God as Our Father. The Vicar made reference to several well known people who did not know their earthly fathers through death, abuse or separation and described how their writings show a difficulty in relating to God as Father. After a time of reflection one of our Readers got up to speak - unplanned. He spoke about Rob Lacey - as someone who had performed at our church early in his career, and a personal friend. He shared the news that Rob died last Monday aged 43 leaving a wife and two children 5 years and 4 weeks old. I was shocked, angry and hurt and could not stop the tears. I don't understand why the news affected me so badly, my only association with himwas through my prayer for him. I have never read his work, met him or his family. Maybe it was simply news that tipped me over the edge, I have been feeling delicate and far from God. I am wrestling with Him over my job, my purpose, my future. It's tough. I'm a bit down. The tears streamed but I still felt a need to worship God. Singing and crying is tough. Without trust in God I am a ship without a rudder.
The news of Rob's death hurt and saddened me. God has called him home and all of us left behind are standing open mouthed staring to heaven and asking 'Why?' I don't know if anyone will get the answer in this life, but meanwhile we are forced to trust Him, even when we cannot begin to understand.

Tinglings

I have started reading the 24-7 prayer manual in preparation for my meeting with the vicar in two weeks. It has created some neural tingling. I am excited. I fell like this could be somethign big. I feel like my heart is in it, I want to share my enthusiasm, I want my church to take a big step and pray like never before.
Life as whole is irksome at the moment, it is difficult, I am tired and finding it hard to gain pleasure from anything. Bizarrely yesterday's Tesco shopping trip, followed by food and TV - oh yes LOST is back - was lovely. James and I snuggled on our sofa made for midgets and watched as the most annoyign TV drama ever got back underway - still with no answers!
The weekend was good. I went to the Woo Town and watched our boys beat the Falcons - the kids singing 'I'd rather be a Warrior than a bird' certainly had it right. I saw my bestest friend and did some Bridesmaid stuff including taking my oh so beautiful dress round to hers.
On Monday James and I saw Ice Age 2 - not as good as the first one but still good. Is it bad that I cried when the two mammoths got together at the end? I need to get my life sorted!
H x

Run Away Success

My blog seems to have become my forum for reporting my weekend antics. Well this weekend was a good one too, although I did so much that I missed out on sleep and rest. Foolish.
Friday and Saturday saw me 'on tour' with Beccehamians Ladies rugby team. I had intended it just to be a good day and night out in Bristol with the girls returning on Saturday whilst the girls battles it out in the pitch against St Mary's Old Boys Ladies. Two of us came back on Saturday so our fixtures sec decided to move kick off to 11.45 am. To add a bit of fun and frolics to the proceedings backs and forwards swapped and I nervously donned a number 12. Seeing little Lou, our scrum half, drowned by my usual number 4 was hilarious and I'm not sure second row was the best cure for her hangover. Anyway the game was poor but the oppo shared their players which enabled us to make a good break up the field, the ball went to Kate and then to me metres out from the line. With every ounce of strength and energy I stretched to SCORE MY FIRST TRY! Wicked. I can retire complete!
Sunday was an entirely different day. I dragged my sorry self out of bed at 7 am - a time unknown for the Lord's day of rest - and onto a train bound for Victoria. I joined my lil Sis and her colleagues from Leukaemia Care at Peter Runge House off The Mall to be their volunteer for the day during the Flora London Marathon. It was an exciting and exhausting day - and I didn't even run 26.2 miles. It was great to be part of an event like that. My job was mainly to stand in the rain for 4 hours, waving the Leukaemia Care banner and encouraging people who ran for us to come to the party. It was cold and damp but also amazingly uplifting to see all these people who've raised so much money for good causes. All but twelve of Leukaemia Care's runners finished, and there are pictures on their website I'm afraid to say it might have inspired me - not to run a marathon, God really didn't design me for that, but 5K - that's not so far..............!

Christ is Risen! Alleluia!

Happy Easter everyone. I has such a good Easter weekend. It was the right mix of all the things I wanted it to be. I think that the full realisation of what Easter means has not yet permeated my fallible human mind. The Easter message is the lynch pin of my faith. That empty tomb to the left is such an important symbol along with the empty cross. Christ is Risen, He is alive, I follow a living God.
I love Easter. I think I love it more than Christmas. I had such a good time worshipping God, hearing teaching, sharing with James and seeing friends.
I went to Maundy Thursday evening service and I am so glad I did. I felt a tangible sense of the Holy Spirit. The sermon was good, it used The Book of God which is the bible as a novel. It was amazing to hear the story of Jesus washing his disciples feet as a story. My imagination ran wild and it felt so real. Sharing communion on the night that remembers the last supper is such a poignant event. I loved it.
Friday morning saw James and I bums on pews at 9.15 am. Loads of families and a sermon about brokenness, which included the vicar covered in egg! There were lots of people to talk to after and I started to get some of that belonging feeling back.
We decided to go to our normal evening service on Sunday. Again an excellent celebration of Easter , with communion and a strong sermon. The chocolate eggs were gratefully received afterwards!
One of the things I enjoyed most was bundling into our local pub with 22 other Christians to do the most difficult pub quiz in the world. We split into three teams and all did fairly badly, the team with Peter G did best but that's because he's the only one old enough to remember pre decimalisation! It was awesome to see so many young believers together being church and celebrating that Our God Reigns! Amen! H xx
p.s. There's more about the empty tomb and other symbols in a really good book called Signs of the Times

Is it just me....?

Or is everyone else grown up?
James and I went to Cardiff this weekend. It was a nice chance to get away from the day to day, and we stayed in a hotel which always adds to the holiday feeling. It had fabulous views over Cardiff to the sea.
We spent a lot of our time visiting our various friends who have remained in and around Cardiff after university. The experience was lovely, but it did make me feel a bit old!
The first people we visited were one of James' housemates, his partner and their four month old daughter. They seem really well, and they have family support in Bristol. However it was just bizarre seeing him carrying his beautiful girl - I'd never put him in the father role, although he's clearly a doting dad.
Then we saw another of James' friends who lives in a luxury serviced apartment block - weird, like living in a hotel. Again very grown up!
Then we saw my friends Shelly and Andy who have bought a sweet two bedroom in the Cardiff suburbs, and have a fluffy ball of a cat to make it home. Finally we saw Beckie and Pete who've been married just over eighteen months and own a house in The Valleys. They all seem happy, and nothing between us has changed but talking about laying carpets, re-wiring and laminate floors was a world removed from my own.
Partly it made me want to settle - and James and I had a long conversation about what we might do once we're married and where we might think about settling. Things are still so uncertain at the moment - no job news - that thinking about the future seems a bit like a pipe dream, but its a dream I want to turn to reality. H x

Wish you were here?

create your own visited countries map

This is fun - You can get a map of all the countries in the world you have visited. What a lot of travelling I still have to do.
Have already got itchy feet, as James and I discussed our future on Saturday over lunch at the Celtic Cauldron. Watch this space!
H x

Spring Pleasures

Today I feel like I have caught up with life. Good things have happened and the spring sunshine has brightened my mood.
I have a bridesmaid's dress. It's lovely. It's from Monsoon. There was a bit of stress associated with it but Adam, the sales assistant who answered my call at Monsoon in the Trafford Centre, Manchester, is a star!
I had a wonderful weekend with my oldest friend Milla. It was good to be girlie and talk weddings, mainly hers, a bit mine. It was good to chat, and eat and enjoy each other's company.
I read at church on Sunday night and got compliments. It was good. It wasn't a particularly well know passage and I had been worried I wouldn't quite get it right. But I did.
I enjoyed home group - we've decided to go away for a weekend. They're a lovely bunch and it will be good to spend some time just being together.
I won a prize! Only a free beauty treatment but still......
I worked hard today on facilitating a staff meeting session about our business plan and again it went well, despite the clock stopping!
And now I'm off to Rachel's for my prayer triplet meeting with her and Kat. Kat's off to Uganda in a week for five months with Oasis. I am also especially proud because I chose prayer triplet over a rugby meeting because it was in my diary first. I said no!
yours, a smiling Hannah x

God on Pause

Why does it sometime feel like God is on pause? I started the year full of energy and drive. Now three months down the line I'm feeling rather sorry for myself. The initial excitement of a fresh new year stretching out in front of my with a shiny new diamond ring on my left hand has faded, and now I'm rather glum.
My job situation is driving me nuts. Still no funding decision although rumour has it Lambeth PCT - name and shame time - will pull their fingers out and makes some sort of decision tomorrow, but it might only be interim. Whilst I feel sure that I will be fine, that doesn't stop the uncertainty, the drifting feelings and the depression associated with work. I've actually started waking up and not wanting to go to work. It's not my colleagues, they are great, or my boss, he's cool too. It's the limbo situation I find myself in without a project or a purpose. I like being busy, in fact I'm sure I need it to feel like I am being purposeful and productive. I am applying to jobs, but again with little motivation or success, although I am applying for a job at Tearfund which really appeals. Financially I cannot afford to take too much of a pay cut, which is the disadvantage of being well paid I guess.
At Church I'm not feeling the buzz and excitement of living out God's will. I wan to be passionate for God and shout for Jesus but I have hardly got the energy to lift my hands and sing let alone be a Warrior for Christ. Also a good friend and member of my home group is leaving to move to another part of London. It's fabulously exciting for her and I feel sure it is God's will, but I'll miss her. It got me thinking about people at church. James and I got talking about it. I suddenly realised that I want to feel more connected to these people in a real way. I KNOW a lot of people but I don't share a bond or friendship with any of them. It really upset me. There was a point last summer when I felt that I was really part of my church and there were good friendships to be made. But something changed and I've become more and more isolated. It's really sad and I'm not sure what to do about it.
Maybe God will have some answers, if only I can find the play button again. Hannah x

Duncan dares to make Scouting cool

Peter Duncan, currently of The Games fame, is the chief Scout. This is unusual because usually the Chief Scout is some well to do suited and booted Scouting through and through man. However eighteen months ago Peter Duncan was invested as the new chief Scout in a move away from tradition. It is part of an attempt to drag the Scout Movement into the 21st Century and Peter Duncan was seen as a good role model and example of an active fun all round good guy. He is certainly trying to raise Scouting's profile and the Association is his charity of choice whilst competing in The Games. I was lucky enough to share a beer with him in December when he joined our Scout Network in the pub after we'd watched him in panto. I was slightly star struck - I'm a child of Blue Peter you see - but I found him enthusiastic, engaged and realistic about what Scouts is now and what is Should be trying to achieve.
Next year Scouting celebrates its centenary and whilst thousands of young people - boys and girls - across the UK and the World enjoy Scouting at its basic level there are still some things that mean Scouts have a poor reputation. Politics gets in the way of Adults volunteering and kids having a good time. There are still too many people more concerned about the right way to do things rather than worrying about doing things at all.
There are some positive changes though. Scouting is now a multi-faith multi gender organisation. In January the first UK Contingent of Muslim Scouts undertook their pilgrimage to Mecca. You can read their story here. I was so moved by their account, and the uniting strength of Scouting that I posted a comment: Scouts' Hajj experience
Scouting has done awesome things for me, including finding me a husband! Are you prepared to find out more....? Scouts, Join the Adventure

What cute animal are you?

This was on rugby girls email today. Whilst supposed to be light hearted my results are quite interesting. Hannah xx

You Are A: Lamb!

Peaceful and gentle, lambs have been used in religious imagery for millennia. Lambs are baby sheep, an animal tended by shephards since the dawn of history. As a lamb, you tend to stay together in a flock and graze on grassy land. Lambs don't mind being led and tend not to go off on their own.

You were almost a: Duckling or a Bunny
You are least like a: Mouse or a SquirrelWhat Cute Animal Are You?

Ladies' Rugby

I've always thought that title is a bit of a misnomer, I mean how can you call a bunch of fit strong females playing what is traditionally a man's game 'ladies'? But that is what we are called: Beccehamians Ladies RFC. We have a website: Beccs Ladies. In nine days time I plan to play my last rugby game, for at least a season but maybe longer. It's not a decision I've made lightly, and it's only now that I'm starting to get a bit sad about it.
There are lots of reasons for stopping and I am not going to use my blog to justify myself. I love the game of rugby and I always will, it's gotten under my skin in the way no other sport ever has. I played a bit of hockey at school and enjoyed it until someone took at shot at goal and contacted with my face instead. I was forced to play netball but I'm big and cumbersome and prancing around a bit of tarmac in a short skirt was not my cup of tea, and my glorious career ended when I sprained my ankle and it went black. The girls I play with are lovely too and part of me regrets never really getting to know any of them properly. I guess I'm just not that good at making friends.
By stopping I am gifting myself with some more time. The last three years have been difficult trying to strike a balance between playing rugby on a Sunday afternoon and going to church on a Sunday evening. Whilst I feel good on the rugby pitch I feel fulfilled and alive in church. God has given me this great opportunity to use a gift that I never would have thought existed when I was younger - I am not sporty - and in rugby I found a game where you can be tall, and fat, not super fit, not girly and not cliquey and still you have a place and are accepted.
I may return, I cannot see the future and I don't like to close doors too firmly, but for now March 26th will see me don the number 4 shirt and take to the pitch for the last time in a while. Look after it girls, it's served me well. Hannah x

Fellowship

A couple of weeks ago Katy preached a sermon on Acts 19: 1-20. This is when Paul is in Ephesus. Her sermon was excellent with lots of good points. However there was one that hit home: We should talk about God, and where we are with Him and what He is doing in our lives. We should share with everyone Christian and non-Christian. How can we expect to confidently share our belief in God with non-Chritians if we can't even talk about God with each other?
Last night I met with my homegroup. There was no study prepared. I thought it might be a good chance to really hear what's happening in each and every person's life, where they're at with God and what we need to be praying for, so I took control. It was a shaky start but everybody shared something. It was good to be honest, it was good to reveal our hurts and anxieties as well as our successes and hopes. It was good to feel connected to a group of people in a way much deeper than the 'hello how are you?' I found it enjoyable, and useful and refreshing and I thank God for the opportunity.
H x

Morning Prayer

My Daddy sent me this. It's nice to have a dose of reality from time to time. Thank You and Amen!

"Dear Lord,

So far I've done all right.I haven't gossipped,haven't lost my temper,haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent.I'm really glad about that.

But in a few minutes, God,I'm going to get out of bed.And from then on,I'm going to need a lot more help."

- Author Unknown

Wedding News

Not mine this time though! My bestest, and oldest friend Camilla has finally set a date to wed the man of her dreams, to whom she has been engaged for about eighteen months. On Saturday June 24th this year she will float down the aisle of Burton Court in Herefordshire to become Mrs Chris Williams. The slightly bemused and almost certainly blubbing bridesmaid following her will be ME!
It's quite refreshing to put Bride mentality on hold and focus on what will be a very different wedding to mine. Chris and Camilla are not Christian and have decided that marrying in a church would not be right for them. They have found a lovely venue in Herefordshire and I can feel an English country garden style affair coming on with lots of champagne and pink wine flowing!
It's also dawned on me that this beautiful young woman, whom I have know since I first donned the navy blue cullottes and joined the 10th Worcester Guides in 1990, is still my best friend and even though we live on opposite sides of the country we are still sharing adventures together. I am SO lucky to have been asked to be her bridesmaid and even luckier to be sharing some of the most exciting times of our lives with each other.
Thank You Milla and I hope we continue to share fun and friendship until we are old and wrinkly! Hannah xx

Calm

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3, 5-6.
People asked me why I was so happy at work yesterday. I had no response other than I'm not worried any more. When I arrived at work yesterday my precautionary redundency notice lay waiting, warning me that unless the funding came through I woudl be out of a job in four weeks. However I'm not panicing. I just really feel that I have given it all to God and He will deal with it. I can't really explain the calm I feel but it's odd.

Evangelism

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." Matthew's Gospel, 28: 19-20.
These words are commonly referred to as 'the great commission.' Not just any old commission but the command of Jesus Christ to his followers to go out into all the nations of the world and tell them the Great News.
On Monday night I went to a meeting of my church's Evangelism Committee. Although the name is slightly comical in my opinion I have been asked to consider joining and the motivation behind this committee is genuine. It excites me that I may be able to get involved in this aspect of my church's work. I'm not from a church background. I wasn't brought up as a Christian, and my strong headed nature meant that I came to know Christ through frustration and intrigue. I am not one to lie down and accept something. This seems to have given me a desire to tell others about Jesus Christ in a really relevant and exciting way. I hope that I can do this through the evangelism committee.
The meeting was good. I listened to a lot, got a feel for the group and even made a valid contribution. I'm excited by it and I hope that God can use me in a really positive way.

Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?

There I was trying to find some nice new wallpaper for my computer screen and I came across this quiz. Well it's fun and frivalous but alas I am not Johnny Depp, but I am Keira Knightly which should make James a happy man! H x

Feeling Blue

I'm feeling a bit blue today, even though I have a good weekend ahead of me. I am finding my job just naff at the moment. This is not really anyone's fault, well no one internally. I'm also not in a position to complain too much now because a whole team, in another bit of the organisation, has been put on cautionary redundancy notices. This is because a chunk of their funding is yet to be confirmed after the end of March by the funder. So yeah it's all a bit miserable in the office. Boss is on annual leave so I can't talk to him about it. I keep going to meetings and talking about the future but it all feels very hollow. I've been through all the job sites I can think of and I have a couple that I think I'll apply for. There's nothing that leaps off the page as 'my dream job.'
James keeps telling me to trust God. I want to, but I'm so down about this I find I can't even pray about it. I've turned into my worst nightmare, where I keep burying my head and hoping everything will be OK.
I'm sorry my blog is turning into a kind of up and down rant from happy and motivated to plain old down in the dumps.

Prayer and Evangelism

I have made a decision to DO something about a nagging feeling I've had since I returned from Tenerife last August. I have been inspired by Red Moon Rising which is the story of how 24-7 prayer started and the effects it has had. You can read more about 24-7 here: http://www.24-7prayer.com
I have a nagging feeling that God is asking me to DO something about 24-7. In Tenerife He taught me so much about prayer and about He works with me. I know that when I have a good prayer life then my faith is strong, and I feel equipped for the the world. I truly feel that I am walking with Jesus. Also God answers prayer and I've seen big and little things happen. I believe that prayer can change people, places and communities.
As I sit and listen to the sermons in church about becoming a people of faith, about passion and about becoming a church in the community I can hear God louder and louder telling me to sort it out. Months ago I mumbled at the vicar about prayer, weeks ago I found someone else inspired by Red Moon Rising. But I haven't done anything........Yet. So I can't ignore it any more. I truly believe that prayer and evangelism are inextricably linked. I feel that God wants our church to grow and He wants to hear us pray.
24-7 prayer isn't about sitting in a circle with your eyes closed. It's not traditional intercession. It's about creating an environment and inviting the Holy Spirit in. It's about active prayer, creative prayer, shouting singing prayer, scribbling on the walls prayer. It's infectious and exciting and I want other people to experience it. Please God show me how.

Monday Morning Lie In

Yesterday morning as I lay sleeping deeply, James leant over me. 'What are you doing?' I asked, "Seeing what time it is," he said. I lifted my phone and focused my blurry eyes on the small digital screen of my phone: 08.24. The little black numbers shone out at me from below Martin Corry's newly photographed face. S**T. The alarm usually trills out at 06.40 every weekday morning, rousing the bleary eyed Hannah and James and spurring us towards the kettle, shower and leaving at 08.00 am. Not so yesterday. Having turned off my alarm on Friday - day off you see - I failed to reset it. Mad dash, garbled message on colleague's phone, which she laughed at later, and inhaled brekkie saw us leave the house 25 minutes later. Not a recommended start to the week I can assure you!

Stuck

I feel stuck again.
My job is so slow. Last week my boss nearly had news of continued funding but there have been even more delays by the PCT. It means that I am still potentially without job in about six weeks. I should be bothered. I should be trying to finish off, or close doors. I should be job hunting, searching for my next career move.

But I can't motivate myself to do it. I can't even be motivated to find stuff to do at work. It's giving me a headache. I also feel guilty because I should be doing something with the next six weeks. Also if my funding does come through and I stay - which is the preferred scenario - then I'm going to have to pull my finger out and start working hard.
I did have a job interview yesterday, and whilst it did produce the obligatory butterflies I wasn't overly enthusiastic or excited. I answered the questions. I gave my presentation. I'm waiting for news. But if I get offered it will I take it? Truth is I don't know.
Being stuck at work makes me feel stuck at home. It makes me want to eat comfort food, slob on the sofa and watch TV.
I can't get excited about anything. I went to look at a photographer's portfolio yesterday, and share the company of three wonderful South African women, and two children. It should have been great fun, but I felt odd and uncomfortable. I'm going back to my parents tonight. Again it should be fun and exciting, especially with the National Wedding Show and dress trying on to look forward to.
But it's not. Cos I'm stuck.