Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?

There I was trying to find some nice new wallpaper for my computer screen and I came across this quiz. Well it's fun and frivalous but alas I am not Johnny Depp, but I am Keira Knightly which should make James a happy man! H x

Feeling Blue

I'm feeling a bit blue today, even though I have a good weekend ahead of me. I am finding my job just naff at the moment. This is not really anyone's fault, well no one internally. I'm also not in a position to complain too much now because a whole team, in another bit of the organisation, has been put on cautionary redundancy notices. This is because a chunk of their funding is yet to be confirmed after the end of March by the funder. So yeah it's all a bit miserable in the office. Boss is on annual leave so I can't talk to him about it. I keep going to meetings and talking about the future but it all feels very hollow. I've been through all the job sites I can think of and I have a couple that I think I'll apply for. There's nothing that leaps off the page as 'my dream job.'
James keeps telling me to trust God. I want to, but I'm so down about this I find I can't even pray about it. I've turned into my worst nightmare, where I keep burying my head and hoping everything will be OK.
I'm sorry my blog is turning into a kind of up and down rant from happy and motivated to plain old down in the dumps.

Prayer and Evangelism

I have made a decision to DO something about a nagging feeling I've had since I returned from Tenerife last August. I have been inspired by Red Moon Rising which is the story of how 24-7 prayer started and the effects it has had. You can read more about 24-7 here: http://www.24-7prayer.com
I have a nagging feeling that God is asking me to DO something about 24-7. In Tenerife He taught me so much about prayer and about He works with me. I know that when I have a good prayer life then my faith is strong, and I feel equipped for the the world. I truly feel that I am walking with Jesus. Also God answers prayer and I've seen big and little things happen. I believe that prayer can change people, places and communities.
As I sit and listen to the sermons in church about becoming a people of faith, about passion and about becoming a church in the community I can hear God louder and louder telling me to sort it out. Months ago I mumbled at the vicar about prayer, weeks ago I found someone else inspired by Red Moon Rising. But I haven't done anything........Yet. So I can't ignore it any more. I truly believe that prayer and evangelism are inextricably linked. I feel that God wants our church to grow and He wants to hear us pray.
24-7 prayer isn't about sitting in a circle with your eyes closed. It's not traditional intercession. It's about creating an environment and inviting the Holy Spirit in. It's about active prayer, creative prayer, shouting singing prayer, scribbling on the walls prayer. It's infectious and exciting and I want other people to experience it. Please God show me how.

Monday Morning Lie In

Yesterday morning as I lay sleeping deeply, James leant over me. 'What are you doing?' I asked, "Seeing what time it is," he said. I lifted my phone and focused my blurry eyes on the small digital screen of my phone: 08.24. The little black numbers shone out at me from below Martin Corry's newly photographed face. S**T. The alarm usually trills out at 06.40 every weekday morning, rousing the bleary eyed Hannah and James and spurring us towards the kettle, shower and leaving at 08.00 am. Not so yesterday. Having turned off my alarm on Friday - day off you see - I failed to reset it. Mad dash, garbled message on colleague's phone, which she laughed at later, and inhaled brekkie saw us leave the house 25 minutes later. Not a recommended start to the week I can assure you!

Stuck

I feel stuck again.
My job is so slow. Last week my boss nearly had news of continued funding but there have been even more delays by the PCT. It means that I am still potentially without job in about six weeks. I should be bothered. I should be trying to finish off, or close doors. I should be job hunting, searching for my next career move.

But I can't motivate myself to do it. I can't even be motivated to find stuff to do at work. It's giving me a headache. I also feel guilty because I should be doing something with the next six weeks. Also if my funding does come through and I stay - which is the preferred scenario - then I'm going to have to pull my finger out and start working hard.
I did have a job interview yesterday, and whilst it did produce the obligatory butterflies I wasn't overly enthusiastic or excited. I answered the questions. I gave my presentation. I'm waiting for news. But if I get offered it will I take it? Truth is I don't know.
Being stuck at work makes me feel stuck at home. It makes me want to eat comfort food, slob on the sofa and watch TV.
I can't get excited about anything. I went to look at a photographer's portfolio yesterday, and share the company of three wonderful South African women, and two children. It should have been great fun, but I felt odd and uncomfortable. I'm going back to my parents tonight. Again it should be fun and exciting, especially with the National Wedding Show and dress trying on to look forward to.
But it's not. Cos I'm stuck.

I found this on my friend's blog! Well it is Valentine's Day and I was honest. I think I am a reformed character now! H xx

Your Kissing Purity Score: 31% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

A Day Off!

Firstly I thought I would share this very silly picture of me and James. This was taken by the Bat Tower at Toys Hill in Kent about five minutes after he proposed. Yes he was wearing that silly hat!
Today is a day off that I have treated myself to. I am supposed to be tidying but I slept in, checked email, spent time on the 'confetti' message board - they are addictive, and I've only started one argument about getting married in church if you don't believe in God: Confetti Message Board I'm sorry if my reasoning is wrong so please feel free to comment!
I've also finished and submitted a job application to Croydon Council. So no more excuses, I must delve into the murkiness of my room armed with binbags and Hoover.
Feeling better in myself at the moment. I think God is saying stuff about prayer and church, had random dream and other stuff keeps coming up. James has also started listening to God, and is open to being more influenced by Him. Things are looking up. H xx

Nice Things

Good things happened yesterday including:

• a man letting me on the train first because I was a woman - now I don't neccessarily agree with Ladies First but it was good to see old fashioned manners at work.
• Getting my normal train home, even though all the trains were messed up at Vauxhall.
• Going to the gym - and blitzing my workout. I need to start shifting pounds of the weighty sort rather than the monetary sort.
• Seing Helen S and giving baby Toby a cuddle. He is turning more and more into a little person all the time.
• Having two hours to myself in front of the TV watching trashy TV without James complaining. I know that 'America's next Top Model' is not intellectually challenging but it is good enetertainment!
• Booking Friday off work!

Let's hope the weekend is good too. I'm hoping with Friday to sort stuff out and tidy the house I can relax, which I really really need. H x

Monday Monday.......

I hate Mondays, they creep up on you every week with stealth and cunning and attack you like a cold blast of air, with the intrusive sound of the alarm that has fallen silent for two days. Today arrived with a headache, a left over from last night and I fear my rugby game in the afternoon - what am I doing to my body on that pitch? It's also James' 24th birthday so trying to be bright, breezy and excited at 7 am on a Monday whilst making tea, feeding the cat and fighting a tin of salmon to give up its contents so that I can stick to my diet this lunchtime were difficult. James opened some of his presents with is family yesterday - which I say is cheating - so the four cards and two small presents looked rather meager this morning. My parents had bought him a smart Worcester Rugby tie, and I bought him a smart pocket sized bible. He asked for this because his other one is rather cumbersome and not commuter friendly. He seemed to like it in its smart black and silver leather cover.
It means now that we can now put into action some of Katy's points from her sermon last night about becoming a People of Faith: Let God in, by simply asking, Tell Everyone, Christian and Non-Christian, Know God, by reading the Bible LOTS, Listen to God, take the time to do so and Live for God - Just Do It. Sounds easy! I'm looking forward to giving it a go...
Anyway lets hope the rest of the week starts better, if only the train could run on the time and the bus not be so slow..............
H x

Decisions Decisions

My sister Alice came to Visit this weekend which was really nice. It was good to see her and she's enjoying her new job at Leukemia Care a national charity based at home in Worcester.
One of the purposes of her visit, other than to say hi, was to try and start to get me thinking in an organised way about the wedding. This started with me getting into a flap on Friday, after a panicky call to a well know 'Bridal Shop' in Croydon. I thought 15 months was plenty of time to plan a wedding and it is but 'Bridal Shop' made me panic.
So Alice made me start thinking about what I want from my wedding, with some handy notes from Mum too. We went to the reception venue so Alice could take pictures and she asked all the right questions about the stage and lighting etc.
Saturday afternoon was hilarious - we were too late to book an appointment at any wedding dress shop - so we meekly went to Debenhams wedding department and peered at the sorry array of 10 or so dresses and the little note blu tacked to the rail saying you needed an appointment. We shuffled forward and actually took a dress down from the rail. Sweat broke out and amongst much giggling we RAN. We tried on some formal dresses, mine made me look like I'd lived in a dark cave for years and Alice's made her arse look like a badly parked Volkswagen! So disaster all round.
Over a civilised and size free coffee we made decision about colours for all my bridesmaids, and for James and Doug's waistcoats. We picked a theme-thread to run through the day and the style of the day I wanted.
Excited we ran home to tell James who grunted and went to play PS2 over the road!
But still decisions have been made. 3 out of 5 Bridesmaids have been asked and accepted and I'm going home in a couple of weeks to try on dresses and face my worst nightmare: "The National Wedding Show: Bridezilla returns!"