Friendship

Wikipedia says that


"Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings."


The Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary says a friend is


"someone who is not an enemy and whom you can trust" and "a person whom you know well and whom you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family"


Once again it's Facebook that has got me thinking, and blogging about Friendship. On my Facebook I have all sorts of friends. there are people I was at Uni with, my mooses, my SSAGS friends, and some of the rugby girls. There are the Beccs Ladies. There are people on SCITT with me this year. There are lots of my church friends, and friends from Croydon. There are also a small number of friends I went to school with. They are my 'friends' because I share, or have shared some sort of an experience with them. I have met every single one of them in the flesh. There are some people on there I know much better than others. There are some I see and share time, food, and laughter with regularly. There are others who are further away geographically but whom I'm love dearly and Facebook allows me to keep in touch with them, their lives, their lows and their highs.

There are people who are my friends on Facebook, whom I have not spoken to face to face with for a long time. Lots of these are the people I went to school with. At school I had very few close friends, and my best friends came from my Venture Scout Unit. It was with them I had the most fun and formative years of my life. However looking back through my wedding photos I was a little saddened to see that there was not one person with whom I had shared my school days there, apart from my sister. On the other hand I have achieved so much since I left school, and even university. I have changed enormously as a person and I love the me I am now much better than the me I was at 18, or even 20. Does this mean that I should ditch or ignore those people who were part of the fabric of my past? Does it means that people I shared experiences with at that time, should no longer be considered 'friends'?

A few weeks ago the opportunity arose via Facebook Chat to 'talk' to someone who I have not had any real contact with for about 8 years. This person and I were friends at school, never best friends, but we shared experiences, and laughs together. 8 years ago this person helped me out when I was in quite a low place. Shortly after this I did something that hurt this person. I am not proud of my actions, my timing or my behaviour. A few months later I met James, and by the time that year was out God was in my life. Although I had made my peace with God for what I did, I had never fond the strength, courage or opportunity to apologise to this person, this friend. The virtual conversation we had on Facebook was not easy, pleasant or jovial. Some long hidden truths and anger came out. I was forced to face the consequences of my actions from a different phase of my life. I apologised. I have forgiven myself for what I did but asking for someone else's forgiveness, when it's 8 years late, is not fun and appears to be a very pathetic exercise. I am glad we had our conversation, for me it feels like I have shut a door that was still slightly ajar.

So does that mean that me and this person can continue being 'friends'? Have the last 8 years without contact destroyed this status between us? Or is it that by trying to shut a door, I have in fact opened it wider, leading to more pain and questioning? I now find myself somewhat under attack from this person. They do not understand my faith, or the journey I have been on in the last 8 years. Our lack of shared experience in this time seems to have destroyed the friendship we had before this time.

I like having friends. I like the variety they bring to life. I feel lucky to have gathered so many shared experiences during my life so far. It would be sad to lose one but if the rift is too deep, if our differences are greater than our similarities, if we cannot understand how each other has grown and changed then maybe we find ourselves sharing nothing more than the past and staring into a future without each other.

Hannah

Mrs Gordon

(Thanks to Rach for the photo idea!)

So I am a week and a half into teaching practice and enjoying it. I have become Mrs Gordon, year one teacher!
I am teaching in a class of 5 and 6 year olds. They're lovely. I am still unsure, still feeling my way, still not quite getting it, but it feels OK.
I feel safe and like I can make mistakes. I feel like I am learning, by watching and being in a classroom, and by trying little things out.
I took my first little part of a lesson yesterday, which wasn't so bad and later this week I am taking Guided Reading. My teaching partner is lovely and our mentor's style really suits me.
It all feels a bit surreal quite a lot of the time. I looked around today and thought "This is my life! This is what I do now!"
I thought I would spend half term doing my first assignment, due in early January, and generally beavering away but I mainly rested. I did some prep work for the assignment, and then just mooched. I took a much needed trip westwards to see my sister, and receive her bargain shopping assistance, I had lunch with friends, I dinner with more friends. It was good.
And now I am back in school. In four and half weeks time phase one teaching practice will be over. I will have made a start to my teaching career and I will be ready to step up a gear and get stuck in to my favoured key stage.
I can't think about that too much right now, it scares me and I'm not quite ready for it yet. But I know that it will come and I will be ready. At the moment Year One is where it's at, and I feel that as the thirty children in my class learn new things and have novel experiences so do I. We're all in this together. H x

Wholeness

Last Sunday night's service at church was a service of healing and wholeness. This is something that we do regularly and is encompassed in the regular service. It is a chance to be prayed for with the laying on of hands and to be anointed with oil.

The service more generally was part of a series called 'The Provocative Church' and looked specifically at Christian Community.

During the time given over to prayer and reflection after the sermon I spent time thinking about what Wholeness means and its relationship to healing.

How am I supposed to know when I should be praying for someone to be healed, or if being made whole might mean God calling them home, where they will get rid of their failing earthly body and be restored. How do I pray for someone who is a shell of who they used to be? Someone whose deeds and witness has been locked away in a bosy and mind that can no longer communicate them? What am I praying for? Can I pray for what I want to pray for, can I be brutally honest with God? I want to be, but I am also drawn to pray a pithy 'not my will but yours' prayer. Is this sort of half hearted prayer even worth uttering, does it waste the time of my creator God who knows what is truly on my heart?

I'm not sure I know what to do, or how to pray. All that I know is that I am called to pray and petition God. Perhaps that is all I need to do right now? Acknowledge that I am struggling on this one, and that there is an issue close to my heart that I don't know how to pray through.

Hannah