River of God

Why is it that when you think you're doing one thing God stops you in your tracks, forces you to your knees and makes you listen?

Two major things happened this week.

Firstly I went for a job interview on Wednesday afternoon and I was offered the job. I turned it down. It was such a hard decision. The job wasn't the right job for me for many reasons. However the idea of turning down a new job, when my current one is about as secure as a house on sand, seemed foolish. Making the decision involved a huge wrestle with God. The whole situation really bowled me over, and drained me emotionally, but by the time I called the guy back on Thursday morning I was at peace. The overall message I got from God on this one was 'I will find you the right job, trust me. Any job will not do.' It was good to understand this, especially when my head is saying take any job, do anything!

The second thing was James and I went to Carroty Wood to cook at the 14 - 18 year old youth group weekend away. 20 young people. 6 leaders and us. Typically I thought I was just going to cook, God had other ideas. James and I joined the 'thought for the day' closing session on Saturday night. We listened to 'River of God' by Paul Oakley and Mark spoke. God started to nag me. Sunday was a session with communion in which people were asked to share their thoughts about the weekend. Earlier in the weekend people had been asked to sign their name on the river of God. There were different stages including the river bank, ankle deep, knee deep, waist deep and swimming. James and I missed this session but as we listened to some of the young people sharing I started praying. The thing was when I had been looking at the pieces of paper on the wall on Saturday night I was like Oh yes I must be waist deep, you know I've been a Christian for 7 years, I pray, I'm in a home group, I go to church, I'm a youth leader....
But then James put his finger on it when he said sometime your head and your actions are waist deep, but your heart, your real true relationship with God, that's way back over ankle deep. It occurred to me that actually I was standing on the edge of God's love dipping my toe in. Smiling at everyone else and pretending I was doing OK. But I'm not. I've let God go and started walking out of the river. It was hard to admit this, and also admit that I'm scared of going deeper and trusting Him again. But I did.
Later in church I sat praying, exhausted from the weekend, and I saw a picture in my head of me standing at the edge of the sea. Someone took my hand and supported me as I walked into the water, helping me keep my balance and keeping me safe and reassuring me. It was difficult and hurt my feet where it was rocky underfoot. But then we were standing with sand under our feet, the water was nice and I felt comfortable. This is such a true picture for me, I hate walking into the sea, but once I'm in I love it. I took the chance to tell God that I want to be knee deep but He's going to have to hold my hand tight if I'm going to stay there. Do you know what - it feels better already!
H x