What am I supposed to do?

I went away to Carroty Wood this weekend, cooking with James, for Connexions youth group. 6 meals for thirty four people in the space of 43 hours. A challenge but not an impossible one. I am lighter in spirit than I was this time last year, and think that is as a result of a closer and more honest walk with God and with my husband.

I spent alot of time thinking about what God wants me to do. Not for a job, but what my gifts are, and how I should be showing His love.

This was partly borne out of the cooking! I enjoy cooking for people, and caring for people, making tea, and baking cakes. At the weekend I was glad that me cooking meant that everyone ate well, and that the other leaders had time to lead, and talk and take part. The more people said thank you, the more I thought about hospitality as a gift, and whether it is mine.

My thinking was extended by the very exciting news that James and I have had an offer accepted on a house. Yes we are about to buy our first home, as long as everything goes smoothly. It's lovely, and I will tell you more about it once we have exchanged contracts and I can call it 'Our New Home.' So I got to thinking about how I would like our home to be a place where people feel welcome, feel they can ring the bell and come in and have a cup of tea anytime without having to make a date to do so. I want our new home to be a place where our marriage grows, and strengthens, and where God can grow in us and strengthen us. Where people come for food regularly, and don't stand on ceremony but eat well, drink well and relax. I want it to be a home of love, between me and my husband, and between us and our community.

I am sure that God's hand is on this house already, after all he found it for us just at the right time, and He will see it through. As long as we let Him his hand will remain there and His love will grow there, and I will learn how to show it in the best way.

Hannah x

Date Night

Once a week James and I try to have an evening or a weekend afternoon to ourselves. Us time, marriage time or date night. They all mean the same thing. Sometimes we go to the pub, for a walk, for dinner, to an exhibition. Sometimes we stay in for a meal. Last night we went to the cinema.
We went to see St. Trinians, shockingly this was also James' choice! The cinema was empty, which takes away a bit from the shard experience atmosphere but does mean you get to pick you seats, and reduces the chance of a chatting, chopping or rustling neighbour.
The film was fun and frivolous, which was perfect for the mood I was in. I did find myself with my face screwed up for the first ten minutes, no doubt sub consciously replaying some of my worst school days. I liked some of the more subtle jokes: "I think Mr Darcy likes you", as the dog humps Colin Firth's leg! and when Kelly introduces Annabella to one of the groups as Goths: "We're not goth, we're emo" Rupert Everett was perfect as Carnaby and Camilla Fritton. My favourite scene was the Trafalgar Square scene with the whole school walking up the steps to the national gallery. Big Ben in the background stood at 7 O'Clock, and I found myself wondering what it would have been like to be in Trafalgar Square that summer morning!
Go and see it if you want and easy film with some laughs and a mixture of new and old faces. Oh and the delicious Russell Brand.
Watching it gave me an idea. I am going to a lookalike party soon, what do you reckon to me going as Head Girl Kelly? (have a look at the picture)
H x

Skiing the Milky Way

I spent last week closer to God - literally and metaphorically! Skiing is the time I feel most close to God. I love the Mountains. I love their beauty, their power, their strength and their peacefulness.

There were several moments when the sun hit my face, or I turned my head and was struck by the power of the God I worship. It was refreshing to have time to thank Him, to take a deep breath and inhale the cold clean air. To feel myself alive in creation.

I had a great time. After playing Mum trying to get six adults to Gatwick for 3.45 am and onto a flight, I relaxed almost instantly. We arrived in resort at noon giving us half a day to get kit, passes and generally chill out. One large pizza and a cold glass of beer outside in the winter sun later and my mission was accomplished.

The skiing was good. After a break of three years I remembered how to do it, after falling on my very first run. The highlight of my week was doing the 2006 Olympic Women's Downhill course - without the gates and significantly slower than the two minutes it takes the pros. Another great bit was shunning the package company's trip to France, chartering a taxi from our hotel owner, driving to Montgenevre and skiing back to Italy and our Hotel in Sauze D'Oulx (note to self the long wiggly runs on the piste maps are paths and should be avoided for the sake of sanity and my knees). The Milky Way is a lovely ski area, and even in a week with little new snow we did not struggle to ski different and challenging runs. The area has benefited from the Olympics and facilities are good. Unfortunately 95 Euros was too much for 60 seconds on the Bobsleigh run, and I'm not sure my ample behind would have made it out of the sled!

Sadly this is the last time I am going to ski out of school holidays with the luxury of wide open empty runs like the one in Sestriere above. However I am sure that I will ski again with friends and maybe my own little family. It is a joy I don't want to miss out on. H x

Happy Birthday

Today is my 28th Birthday. I think I like being 28 already. I feel secure. And loved. That counts for alot.

James had to get up early this morning. So he set his alarm for midnight.

When it buzzed after merely an hours sleep I was confused. He leant over and kissed me, "I wanted to be the first to wish you Happy Birthday," he said.

This evening we are going to Brady's in Wandsworth for Fish and Chips! How chic!

Its a low key one this year but I like it! And on Sunday...........we're going Skiing! H x

Growing Up and the problems of patience

It's my birthday on Tuesday and I will be 28. Now I'm not someone to count sleeps to my birthday and I prefer it all to be a bit of a non event. This year I am having a gathering not, note, a party. It is a joint gathering - there are two other women at church whose birthdays are on Wednesday. We're having cake and curry. I liked the alliteration! I am also looking forward to cooking on Saturday!

I was having a conversation with James the other day about age. I get quite sensitive about my age, for the three weeks between Christmas and New Year and then it doesn't matter again. I was saying that I don't feel mentally older than I did say three of five years ago, or physically older. However circumstances around me indicate that I am infact ageing! I am married, I am looking to buy a house, I have made a major career change decision. I like cooking, and baking, I own a cat, and a car.

I think I like it this way. Not feeling older but getting to do all the above things with confidence. So on Tuesday to celebrate James and I are goign out for dinner, just the two of us. Nice food, good bottle of wine. Bliss.

The one contra-indicator to my ageing is my lack of patience. I think it is God making me learn, but still I am not so good at it. As you know James and I are house hunting. We have been for a while now. We haven't found the right thing at the right price and have found ourselves a bit stuck. Our budget will allow us a lovely one bed flat but only a handful of pokey bigger propertied. Studying for a PGCE is going to mean I need somewhere to study that isn't the sitting room or the bedroom. Which leaves us looking for a bigger property that we can't afford. I am getting impatient that we can't find anywhere.

There is a ray of hope. James is a key worker. This means that there are various governement assistance programmes available to him (and me.) We only really looked into this in December. The option we are looking at now is called Open Market Home Buy. This is essentially a way of bowwing money from the governement and a lender at no cost for five years, it makes up 25% of the purchse price. If we are eligible and accepted it would push our purchase price up into that two bed category. We were accepted onto the Key Worker scheme in mid December. To get on to OMHB we had to attend a presentation, which was last night. I really wanted that to be the palce we would find out how much we could have. But no. We have to go and see a financial person. On Thursday evening. In Cheam. Which means that it will be another week before we know whether we can look for a more expensive house. I want a house now, and feel like screaming and stamping my feet till I get one.

But that's not very grown up. H x

Walk the Walk

Well I have a challenge to keep me occupied until the end of May! It's Alice's fault. After we ran the Hydro Active in September she started looking for a new challenge. She started badgering me by email, and I kept ignoring her. Eventually she wore me down. I filled out the application form for the event and sent it off.
And thought noting of it.
Then started to think I hadn't got a place. Oh Well.
Then in late December as the Christmas pounds piled on and I forgot my way to the gym it came.
An innocent white envelope with a letter starting with CONGRATULATIONS.
The adrenalin shot through me, and then the smile beamed across my face.
Alice and I have confirmed places on the 2008 Playtex Moonwalk on 17th May 2008.
For a detailed description of what we have signed up to look at this website but basically we are power walking a marathon - that's 26.2 miles for those of you unsure about these things, overnight, round London, in a bra (one each of course ;-))
We are raising money for Walk the Walk - a Breast Cancer Charity. So we'll set up a just giving site, don our trainers and get walking. Will you support us?
Hannah x

Dawn

I feel under pressure to write something witty or profound here in my first BLOG of the year. But the truth is that the year has started quietly, in the same manner that the last one ended and for that I am grateful.

I had a quiet Christmas. I watched some Rugby, I went for walks, I ate well with friends and family, I drank well.

I went to church at Midnight on Christmas Eve. Not my church in Croydon but St. John's Parish Church in Worcester. It was odd. It was wet outside, and quiet inside. Rose and Brendan were there which was lovely. I hope they enjoyed it. James and I have decided to go to Christmas Morning services from now on.

I went on a date with my husband cos everyone was poorly. It was fun - going out for dinner and then a pint in the town where I grew up and had all my teenage angst. It made me feel all fuzzy to sit with my soulmate snuggled up in the corner of my favourite pub with a pint of real beer.

I was overwhelmed with generous gifts. Thank you one and all.

I approached New Year differently this year.

I don't like New Year's Eve. I get edgy all day and quite down in the dumps. I find it hard to stand on the cusp of two years. It's odd, like i feel it should be a good time to reflect and look back and look forward but everyone around me is just getting drunk.

So anyway this year I did it differently. My church has a prayer and praise party from 11pm until just after 12 midnight. It was good. Before hand we played games at The Smiths (Rach was a legend with the food) and them meandered over to church. It was calm and peaceful. I sang, I thought, I prayed, I reflected. I was with my husband, and my friends, and God. Most importantly God.

I am standing at the start of a year of huge huge change. For us both. Me and James. It feels God driven but its very very unknown. I need to hold onto God. I need him to go before me and stand behind me. I need to acknowledge His influence in my life, his protection over me, His plan and His grace. There are tough times ahead but I am excited.

2008 started quietly, standing with my husband's arms around me, in the presence of our God, knowing that whatever this year brings we will face it together. All three of us.

Hannah x

The Light

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned." Isaiah 9: 2.

The darkness is scary, and disorientating, and uneasy, and unknown. There are shadows lurking, and seeing is harder. I don't like the dark. It makes things difficult.

Walking in the light means I can see my way. Danger is more easily avoided and things are clearer. I feel safer and more secure.

This passage, and verses 6 and 7 were the ones I read on Sunday night. I love the promises Isaiah made years and years before a young girl called Mary gave birth to a Saviour in a stable in Bethlehem. I am feeling very reflective this Christmas. James and I have bought Doug, his brother a Bible for Christmas (him reading this is about as likely as Pigs Flying). As I wrapped it I thought about how he might feel on Christmas Day when he opens it. Sitting with its heavy leather cover smooth in my hands and the fresh clean unread pages ready to reveal the most exciting story in history I thought about how it could be a book that sits on his shelf or a book that really changes his life. We prayed that he'll understand why we've given him this and in the dedication we have written these lines, adapted from Psalm 119: "May it be a lamp to your feet and a light to your path."

I am starting an Alpha Course in January, at church, and I've invited Doug along. He's said yes so please pray that he'll come good on this promise. I have never done Alpha before and I've decided that now is the right time. I have become a bit disillusioned with my home group. It is NOTHING to do with the people, and everything to do with me and the way I approach it. I have stopped engaging in it and have been going through the motions. Alpha is a way for me to reconnect, and because it takes place on the same day as home group I've had to choose! To look at the basics. To consider the lynch pins and foundations of my faith. To ask myself the questions like 'Why Jesus?' and get excited all over again. I hope that I'll meet Jesus again and we'll go for a drink. Like good friends who need to have a catch up. I hope that Doug will meet Jesus too, but that's for him and God to decide. All I can do is pray, and be open to God, and come out further into the light.

My wish would be that many more people would see a great light this Christmas, would ask Why Jesus?, Why Christmas? I wish that people would take steps towards the light, that through God's Grace would accept their free gift of eternal life and at the same time get the best Christmas Present ever.

Whatever you are doing may it be a Happy Christmas.

Hannah xx

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Have a look at this.

Advent

From the Latin word adventus, meaning "coming", the period of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of the Birth of Christ.
At the start of each Advent I am full of commitment and good ideas to get back to God in time for Christmas. Usually by the first weekend I've failed.
This year I started advent at Christchurch London at the Piccadilly Theatre in London, with Kate P who I used to play rugby with at uni. It is a different type of church than I usually go to. I don't agree with all of their teachings and disagreed with some of their practices and baptisms (it was a baptism service.) Anyway the service was nothing to do with Advent. The sermon was entitled 'I am the resurrection and the life.' Starting Advent at the end, or maybe the beginning!
Anyway being in a different church made me think critically about my relationship with God. And I decided it sucked. And I needed to change.
So I downloaded the Evangelical Alliance Advent prayer guide. They look at the metaphors for Jesus used in John's gospel. James and I have changed our morning routine. Instead of lounging in bed having brekkie we get up and get ready. About half and hour before we need to leave we sit in the sitting room with our Breakfast and our bibles. This time has revolutionised my bible reading and my approach to the day. James and I have been struggling to find a good time to read the Bible together, and this seems to work. I also feel like I can approach God with more confidence and understanding. I want to read my bible, and this morning I read the start of each Gospel to see how they each introduce Jesus to the reader.
On Sunday evening it is the Candle-lit Carol Service at church. I am reading. I am SO excited.
Christmas is on its way and and as a very darling person wrote in a note to me today:
" Everyone should feel Christmassy because it's a wonderful time of year not just because it's Christmas but because we're celebrating the BIRTH of JESUS and that's quite cool."
It certainly is. Enjoy it.
Hannah x
p.s. Check this out too. It'll make you think paperless Christmas