Hannah's Hens

I've been meaning to write about this for ages.

Firstly I want to say a huge huge thank you to my lil Sis Alice (or Big Chief Bridesmaid) and my bestest friend Milla (or Best Mate Bridesmaid) for their organisation and for looking after me all weekend. I felt truly truly blessed to have so many wonderful friends who came together from around the country to spend a sunny weekend with me.

Saturday saw us meeting at South Croydon to catch the train (and bus replacement) to Brighton. Please note opening and pouring a magnum of fizz, and trying to drink Buck's Fizz from plastic champagne glasses on a moving double Decker bus is not as easy as it sounds! However Bridget Jones style introductions to each other is must. I know Becky J loved being referred to as a Doctor (she is one) and former head girl! And Helen as my pastoral guide!!

Once in Brighton we went for lunch at Momma Cherri's Soul Food Shack (As seen on Ramsey's kitchen nightmares) This place is a MUST if you like relaxed Brighton dining, friendly staff, GREAT food in abundance, yummy cocktails and fab soul music. I am DEFINITELY going back!

The rest of the day was spent on the beach, in the sea (it was really really cold), and on the pier. We had ice cream (with two flakes for the Bride!), and went on the roller coaster (Alice got stuck in it which was amusing in a if we don't laugh we'll cry way and we all got bruises and mild whiplash) and the carousel which even Becky C, the most cautious girl in the world, decided was safe until she realised she hadn't got a pole to hold on to!

The evening saw us mass ordering Pizza (thanks to Jon J for the 50% off voucher), playing singstar (Singstar 80s and Singstar anthems no less - I'm hooked) and watching wedding Crashers (Confetti will have to wait until the day before the wedding!!). The loveliest bit on Saturday was getting presents from people. A real range of wonderful treats, inlcuing lingerie, pampering Sanctuary smellies, Funny books, The Prophet, and a very special necklace from Rach (a cross in a stone) with a card explaining the reasons behind it. It had me in tears. I love all you girls.

Sunday was Rugby Day! Suited and Booted we caught another set of trains to Reading, where we met with three of my my mooses, reunited all five of us for the first time since Becky C got married, and my mummy.

We had champagne to start, more introductions, more presents including heart cookie cutters, a table cloth for my bottom drawer, Bart Simpson's guide to life and a signed Worcester Warriors shirt. Thank you all again.

We lost the rugby but the sun shone and I shouted plenty! I met Mike Catt afterwards, but no Warriors :-( and I played rugby in three inch wedges with Delon Armitage's brother!

The best thing about it all is that I get to see all of these wonderful women in just over a week and they've all chosen to come and witness me becoming Mrs Gordon and party the night away with us all. Awesome!!!

Photos are HERE and HERE and on Facebook xxxx

Called Home

Well what roller coaster of emotions I've been through this last week or so.

Everything can't go in one blog post so to start with I wanted to write about Grandad's funeral last Tuesday 17th April.
I was mainly fine, and quite calm and peaceful. It was odd being in Granddad's house without him there.
The drive to the crematorium was fine, all 5 of us (Mum, Dad, Alice James and me) in one car. At the gates of the Crematorium we were met by a piper. Granddad was a drummer in the regimental pipe band, and having a piper at his funeral was one of his requests. As soon as I heard the music the tears came. It's funny how music can elicit emotions. I think it was a suitably grand exit for a man who was brave, strong and amazing but would never have told you so! The service was good, we had it in the chapel at the crematorium, and I read 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 which you can read HERE. James read Psalm 91, the Soldiers' Psalm and Alice read a poem.
Dad spoke about Granddad which was lovely. I like hearing the stories and the memories. I hope they will be part of the story of my life, and the stories my kids hear.
It was a sad day, and a sad time but throughout the day and the service a gentle sense of calmness surrounded me. God whispered gently in my ear, and wiped my tears away.
Death, funerals and endings are sad, but Granddad was ready to be called home, and as the words of one of my favourite songs says:
'' 'Til he returns, or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand."
And it is that thought that keeps me going.
H x

Sad

My granddad died last Sunday, April 1st. He was 87. I loved him very much and I am very sad that he has died. I'm sad that I won't be able to play him the MP3 of my wedding service, and that I won't be able to sit down with him and show him the photos of my wedding.
I'm sad because he was a great man, a brave man and a family man.
However I am really grateful that he' s not in pain anymore, and that his worn out body isn't needed because he has freedom in heaven. I'm really excited that he gets to see my Gran again who died in October 2004. I'm really glad that they both get to be at my wedding, watching over us all together from Heaven. I'm glad that there will be reminders of them both at the wedding: Dad's Cameron tie, and I'll wear Gran's engagement ring.
I'm sad because my family are sad, I'm sad because I won't get emails or text messages from him anymore. Yes my Grandfather was a silver surfer techno whizz and I'm so proud of that. I'm sad because funerals are sad (his is on 17th) and death is sad.
I happy that my Granddad lived for 87 long years, and until very recently he was well enough to take his caravan to Scotland. I'm happy that he and Gran used to have me and my sister to stay in the summer holidays and we used to go to Jolly Giant Toy Shop, and McDonald's drive through and take the Psycho Dog out on Cannock Chase (I wasn't sad when the dog died!). I'm happy that my Gran used to knit me clothes, including a ridiculous turquoise crop top that I REALLY wanted!
It's very odd having this juxta position of death and new beginnings and weddings. I had some very good news from a friend last week too to remind me of the circle of life. It reminds me that God is good, He is so in control. He is also loving and strong. Death reminds me of my fragility but also of my need to lean on God. I'm so glad that I know God and He knows me. I'm glad I can talk to Him and question Him.
I'm even happy that sometimes I don't get answers.
I'm glad that I can pray and God doesn't judge me. I'm happy that I can pray and God listens. I'm glad that I can pray and God doesn't mind if it doesn't make sense.
I'm happy that God knows my pain and has promised never to give me more than I can deal with.
I'm happy that James led me to God and that we can pray together.
I'm happy that one day I'll see Granddad again.
Hannah x

Amazing Grace

James and I went with our friends from MINT (the 18- 30ish group from church) to see Amazing Grace at the cinema. I don't really know what I was expecting, and I'm not usually a costume drama type of girl. I'd seen mixed reviews but went with an open mind.

I came away with a much clearer picture of the historical facts surrounding Wilberforce and his bill. It was a good portrayal of his friendship with William Pitt the Younger (played by the rather scrummy Benedict Cumberbatch) and his struggle with God and illness.

There were many good bits including a scene where Wilberforce is lying in the dewy grass one morning. He has a conversation with his butler about God. The butler says: 'You've found God sir?' and Wilberforce replies' Well it's more a case of He found me. Do you have any idea how inconvenient that is?' What a great line, and oh so true.

The final scene with Pipers outside Westminster Abbey gave me shivers down my spine.

I also came to the realisation that the big film vans outside Holy Trinity Clapham (that I go past on the bus daily) must have been for this film. Shame I didn't bump into Ioann Grufydd at all!

I came away from the cinema feeling more informed, and strangely encouraged. It wasn't a film about the horrors of slavery, and it didn't give a story from a slave's perspective but it was good to watch. H x

Major Job Announcement

Just over a year ago I wrote this post: Calm
It included the line: 'I just really feel that I have given it all to God and He will deal with it. ' with regards to my job situation.
Since then I have remained at my current organisation working with people who have physical and sensory disabilities in Lambeth trying to promote and develop Service User Involvement. Funding finally came through at the end of June after living on month to month notice from early March. That small amount of money was only up until the end of March 2007.
So I've spent this year in a flux, a state of unknowing, uncertainty and unfulfillment. I've applied for several jobs. I've had interviews with The National Autistic Society, Shelter, The City of London, Diabetes UK, and a christian charity. I got offered one job, but it wasn't right in many ways.
All this time I've felt strongly that God has it under control. I've prayed before every interview please God let me know if this is right. Let Your will be done. Never was this more necessary than when I was offered a job. My head was saying take it it's a job but God was saying this is not the one. Wait. So I did. Job adverts dried up, time ticked on. Lambeth announced huge voluntary sector cuts. My job looked insecure. The thought of being out of work, and getting married was not appealing. Leaving the people I work with was not appealing either because I really like them all, I like the organisation I work for and I feel like I have more to offer.
So last week after a Friday off I returned to find an email from my boss saying that he had news about User Involvement Funding and we should talk.
There is money! For nearly three years. For a User Involvement Post - joint disabilities and Older Persons. And they offered me the job. And I accepted.
I HAVE A NEW JOB WITH SECURED FUNDING UNTIL JANUARY 2010
WOW
The details are yet to be worked out, but basically I will be joint managed by my current Boss and the CE of Age Concern. Because the money is longer term there will be more specific work plan, targets and deadlines. The stuff I thrive on. I will have purpose and drive. Hooray.
And in the midst of it all I can see God sitting there, arms crossed saying 'Now do you understand?'
He has provided for me in a truly amazing and unexpected way. In a way that fits me and suits me and feels perfect for my life right now.
Thank You God. Sorry that I doubted you. Thank you for believing in me even when I wavered from you. Please help me to use this job opportunity to glorify You further. Amen
H x

Got to Goal!

At my Weight Watchers meeting on Thursday March 15th I weighed in at 12 stone, 2.5 lb giving me a BMI of 24. I had originally wanted to get to 12 stone. Well I like round numbers, but after a great chat with a lovely leader I reset my goal at 12 stone 3 lb. The top end of my BMI is 12 stone 6lb, which is the weight I could have become a GOLD member.
OK science bit over.
I joined Weight Watchers on May 25th last year and I have been a member for 43 weeks. In total I lost 46lb. The challenge now is to stay this weight.
I know I sound like an advert but Weight Watchers has changed my life. It has taught a whole new attitude to food. I can honestly say there has never been a time when I've felt like I was missing out on something. As I've lost weight it has been easier to exercise. Running the Hydro Active in September was a major achievement for me, the former cross country cheater. I feel better about myself, and I have learnt how to have time for me, a challenge for someone as perpetually busy as me.
I'd love to say that losing weight was really really hard but it wasn't. There were times, and weeks when it was a struggle, or days when I'd eaten all my points and I still wanted more food. There were weeks where a visit to the gym didn't materialise, or I stopped counting points or stated deceiving myself about how much I'd eaten. These were the weeks, I stayed the same weight, or put some on. Christmas was difficult but I accepted I would put on weight, and I did. I don't think I ate as much as I have in former years, and nor did I want to. James has been very very supportive and I couldn't have done it without his help. I love him very much for this, he has never had to lose weight in his life!
I have been counting points for the whole time I've been doing Weight Watchers, but there is another plan called 'Core' which is a list of foods you can eat freely until you are full at meal times, and snack on fruit in between. My plan is to stay on points until after the wedding, then learn how to maintain using a mixture of Core and Points. I am determined that this is how it is going to be from now on. Food and I have an uneasy relationship, and I will be easily seduced again if I am not careful. However I am happier with the new way of things and I am positive about the future.
So here are some before and after photos:

March 24th 2007

March 24th 2007

A picture of me

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

I wasn't going to skank this from the several blogs I've seen it on but I like it, and it's broadly accurate. Have a go yourself if you want....

Anti Slavery Links

Sign the anti-slavery internation declaration here: Anti Slavery

and Stop the Traffik here: stopthetraffik

Thanks Liz, Beckie and Daddy!

Cargo

On Saturday night James and I joined his parents and lots of other people at church for a preview of Cargo, Paul Field's new musical production looking at slavery. It tells the story of the end of the slave trade but then turns its attention to slavery today.
Stop the Traffik, an international charity focused on ending people trafficking, estimate that there are 12 million people in slavery today. A large proportion of these are children under 16.
I'm angry, and upset, and annoyed, and disturbed, and shaken.
Cargo was amazing. It wasn't fun or frivolous but it rocked me to my core, challenged me and nagged me. I spent a large proportion of the evening on the verge of tears, trying to comprehend the facts, trying to understand the feelings of the slaves, both of 200 hundred years ago and now. God was challenging me, nagging me to DO something.
It feels quite hopeless, and a strong sense of apathy creeps up on me, an apathy that infects too many of us today. I find myself asking the question 'What can I do?' 'What difference can I make?'
Well I'm going to try and find out. The worst offence I can commit is to do nothing.
The visual presentations that accompanies the music and spoken words of Cargo included this quote from the anthropologist Margaret Mead:
‘Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world’
Gosh. Now there's a challenge.
H x

You are mine

I don't usually post pieces of scripture but I wanted to put this here as a reminder to myself. I am not mine, I belong to God. God has called me by my name to live and work for him. In return he will be with me always. He will protect me and comfort me. He will love me like no other. He has saved me, and will be my saviour every day of my life. My mum, as part of her recovery from cancer, made a healing quilt. She asked both Alice and I to write our favourite comfort quotes on fabric to be included.. This was mine. I still take great comfort in it. I can almost feel myself being calmed and comforted by God's almighty grace as I slow my breathing down and hear God' still small voice of calm saying these words directly to me.

'But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour; " '
Isaiah 43: 1-3