This will be the last post that feeds automatically into my Facebook so if you want to carry on reading you can find me at http://www.huggyhannah.blogspot.com/
I am changing the purpose of my blog slightly to match my new role, let me explain where I am at now:
Our daughter, Molly Susannah Gordon, entered the world on 16th April this year. The last three months hae flown by, but at the same time everything has changed. It has been such hard work; emotionally, physically and spiritually, with enormous stress and strain on our marriage, but it has also been amazing.
Everytime I look at Molly I see God's perfect creation. I see her potentail, her personality. I see that she is made in God's image and that she is His ultimate gift.
It is both awe inspiring and humbling that God allows us the privaledge of being parents. He trusts us with growing, nurturing, feeding and praying for the future of our world, of His creation.
I am not the perfect mother and nor will I ever be, but I am Molly's mother and with God's help and continual guidance I will always do my best for her.
I believe that being a mother is NOT about having a baby. Whilst she is small and delicate at the moment, and depends on James and I for her every need, this stage is short and will pass much sooner than I want it to. I am coming to realise, and I guess this will continue forever, that being a mother is about being a guide and rudder, a nurturer and a teacher, a confidante and a disciplinarian. For now I am taking tiny steps and learning how to wear all these new identities, how they fit me and how they fit into my life. Whenever I start to panic, when something doesn't 'fit' or I lose perspective I try and turn to God.
He is the ultimate parent.
I know that every moment of joy, delight, despair and frustration I experience with Molly He has experiencd with me, and thousands of times over with all His children.
I am also seeing that being a mother is not something that can be done in isolation. I hope that for the rest of my life I can continue to live and grow in community with others. Molly is my daughter, but she is also God's, and for me it is important that she grows up amongst other people who know and love Him.
I am truely blessed, as I start my new role, by some amazing people with amazing gifts. These are people with whom I can lay myself bare, I can share my raw pain and emotion and they do not judge me but simply stand beside me. They may not always agree with me, and that too is wonderful - for how can I learn and move on, grow, heal and develop if I am not challenged and changed by my experiences? These precious people remind me it is OK to struggle, question, rant and cry but then hold me close and uphold me in prayer. They help me over my barriers and boundaries.
It is these people who will help me become the best mother I can be. These people are the ones who, I hope, will be there at the big important occasions and moments in Molly's life, but also the small insignificant ones too.
Becoming a mother has not changed the core of who I am, it has added to who I am. Some of my actions, activites and choices have changed but essentially I am still God's child, trying faithfully to walk His path and look to Him for guidnace on all of life's decisions, both big and small.
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