Train Trauma

I am usually quite an organised person, especially when it comes to my Travel Card. I am that smug person who whisks past the massive queue on the Tuesday after Bank Holiday laughing at everyone who forgot to renew their passes. I don't have a season ticket loan scheme at work and because I am not cash rich I have to buy my card on a monthly basis. If my card runs out midweek then I am good at renewing it at Brixton tube. If it runs out at the weekend I am not so good, leaving me annoyed and queueing on a Monday morn.

This Monday was one of those.

Monday is an early start meaning I have to be on the 7.18 train at South Croydon. I arrived at the station at 7.05 with plenty of time to join the two people at the ticket machine. I queued, chose my ticket and put in my card. Nothing. No error no nothing. I pulled my card from the machine and joined the by four people queuing at the window. The people moved slowly. The woman in front of me wanted a travel card and a car park pass. Two transactions for the price of one queue space. Not fair. The ding dongs of the train announcement went. It was my turn. I asked for my ticket, put my card in typed my pin. As the printer spat out my ticket the train started to pull in, and it printed my receipt I was half way through the door of the ticket office.

Card, wallet, tickets, hand bag and book bag in hand I sprinted, two and half inch wedges, down the stairs, through, the subway, up the stairs and towards the open train door. I took a running jump at the door and

SPLAT

I caught the toe of my shoe on the ledge of the door and literally flew head first into the carriage. Hands full my brain must have decided that twisting and falling on my shoulder was the best way. I am sure I heard people go 'ooooooooo' as I landed and one woman asked me if I was OK. OK? yes. Embarrassed? Definitely. I gingerly stood up and in true commuter style acted as if nothing had happened, despite the stinging in my right knee. I rearranged my trousers - damn I'm glad I wore good pants! Thankfully at East Croydon a seat became available and I spent the rest of the journey eyes closed in prayer. Please God let the ground swallow me up must have been in there.

Safely plonked on the bus at Clapham I inspected my knee to find true seven year old style playground grazes and the start of some lovely bruising. This has got slowly worse over the week with bruises on my right knee and sore muscles in my left shoulder.

If I learnt one thing from this incident its wear flat shoes on the day you forget to renew your season ticket - or just buy it earlier!

Hannah

Putting the Out in Scouting!

Last weekend well and truly marked the end of our honeymoon, as James and I, and Ken, Doug, Matt and Colin took 23 of our Cubs and Scouts to Croydon District Centenary Camp.

It was well organised on the whole and there were lots of adventurous activities to do on site for the kids.

Whitsun bank holiday weekend had been earmarked by the Scout Association as a weekend for Districts to celebrate the centenary on a local scale. Many by camping

However no one had informed the weather.

Friday was sunny, I wore flip flops to work. Hooray I thought a weekend at camp in the sun, with nothing to do but provide three meals a day for my small charges. Friday night stayed clear, but as the sun went down, and the opening ceremony started the temperature dropped, and dropped. At 3am I woke James up and made him swap sleeping bags, because despite the fact I was wearing socks, joggers, a t-shirt and a hoodie with my sleeping bag cord drawn around my face I was still cold.

Saturday morning was grey, but dry, and cold. The Beavers arrived for their fun day and the clouds got thicker. Then the rain came. and stayed. The campfire was in a tent, and we went to bed hoping for a better Sunday.

Sunday was wet. For 24 hours. I'm glad I picked up my waterproof trousers. Sunday night's campfire was inside too. A meeting of group representatives was called. A severe weather warning was in place, for gale force winds and people began to leave the site. Leaving behind tents and kit.

We stayed, and pegged in our tents firmly, and storm guyed our mess tent. The wind got stronger, and those who had left site hadn't secured their tents. Havoc ensued. James and Doug helped to go round site and secure badly pitched canvas. They were narrowly missed by a flying toilet tent.....and full toilet.

Monday morning showed no let up, activities were cancelled and everyone went home to the warmth and dry of a solid structure.

It was hard work, and had it not been for the technical knowledge of our leaders we would have blown away.

When our County Commissioner opened camp on Friday night he said that Croydon Camp 2007 was about putting the 'out' into Scouting. I'm all for that, but boy I was glad to get 'in' to my house on Monday evening, and stand under a hot shower.

We're doing it all again in July - here's hoping for better weather.

H x

Here comes the bride......

On December 30th 2005 James Gordon asked me to become his wife. On Saturday May 5th 2007 that finally happened. It has taken me a long while to think about what I want to write here and I'm not sure I've quite got it but here goes.
James and I have been a couple for a long time. Six years, six months and three weeks by the time of our wedding day. I have known that he would be the man I would marry for at least six years and six months of that time. We have waited so long for many reasons, but mainly and truthfully I think it was because until James had finished his Masters the time just wasn't right for us to start the next chapter of our lives as man and wife.

Planning our wedding has had its ups and downs, as this blog has known. There are times when commercialism and competition has threatened to cloud the idea of what our wedding should have been about. There were times when I wondered why we were waiting so long. However there was never a time when I wondered why we were doing it at all.

From the outset we talked about how we wanted our wedding to be a celebration. First and foremost we wanted it to be a celebration of God's amazing love and grace. We wanted people who don't come to church, who don't know God, to come to our wedding and feel comfortable, we wanted them to be able to learn a bit more about who God is and what He means to us. We wanted the songs to be full of meaning and life and joy and love. We wanted the reading to be serious but accessible. We asked God for His help and He delivered in the way only He can. When the doors of church opened and I saw everyone's faces turn, and the music start I felt overwhelmed with emotion. As I arrived at the top of the aisle on my father's arm, to join James a wave of joy and peace came over me. God took my spirit and said 'this a moment I created for you and you for.' From that moment on I had the most wonderful day of my life. The music was superb (cheers band) and every ounce of me wanted to worship my saviour and creator. Saying my vows, and hearing James' felt like putting the final piece in a jigsaw puzzle.
We wanted to end the ceremony on a high note, with a signal to start the fun so we walked out to the Emmanuel Band's rendition of 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles).' Andy Buchanan's native Scottish accent topped it off perfectly. Thank you so much.

The rest of the day was fun, although as everyone had promised, it went far too fast. My only regret is that we spent so much time outside with the photographer and not at our drinks reception. However the food was good and we managed to go round all the tables between courses to say hello and thank you. The speeches were good, my daddy made me cry and Doug made me laugh. The evening was a whirlwind of dancing and hugs and pictures.
It was an exhausted Mr and Mrs Gordon who were driven away from The Warren through a gauntlet of sparklers!
There were times on the day when I thought this is so much fun, I want to do it again. But now I've had a week in Malta enjoying the sunshine and the company of my husband, and we've returned home and started to build our marriage together I've changed my mind. It was a superb, lovely, joyful and exciting day. It was an important day and one that will play through my mind over and over for many years. It was a day when our friends and family came together with God and with us to celebrate our love and commitment to each other. But I realise now that it was a single day in a whole lifetime together. It was like opening a crisp new book, inhaling the glorious new paper smell, and bending the spine a little. The anticipation and excitement is there, but you know that there is a whole story that lies ahead!
Hannah x

I'm getting married

This might seem like rather an obvious statement, considering that I have now been engaged for 16 months. However over the last week the reality that I am actually going to get married has hit me. And finally the excitement that everyone has promised me is starting to attack me in waves!
There have been a few odd 'lasts' Like on Sunday evening I realised that it was the last time I would leave the church as Hannah Watts, although not the last time I'd enter it ;-)
Sitting in the pub on Saturday evening I caught sight of James' left hand and thought that the next time we're all out on a Saturday evening there will be a wedding ring on that hand.

The actual sequence of the day and the walking down the aisle, saying my vows, all of that still seems like a far off dream. I think the rehearsal will bring it home and saying goodbye to James after that.

I am excited that I am about to start a new chapter in my life, with my husband by my side. I am excited that two families are coming together. I am astounded that this is MY time. Although I think I thought I'd always get married my lack of boyfriends during my formative years was a contra indicator. However God snuck into my life in my first year of Uni and then plonked James in my path in October 2000. The rest is a story for another day but the first chapter closes on Saturday and a new one, with bright shiny clean pages waiting to filled with fun, adventure, sadness, joy, pain and prayer, opens. I cannot wait....

H x

Hannah's Hens

I've been meaning to write about this for ages.

Firstly I want to say a huge huge thank you to my lil Sis Alice (or Big Chief Bridesmaid) and my bestest friend Milla (or Best Mate Bridesmaid) for their organisation and for looking after me all weekend. I felt truly truly blessed to have so many wonderful friends who came together from around the country to spend a sunny weekend with me.

Saturday saw us meeting at South Croydon to catch the train (and bus replacement) to Brighton. Please note opening and pouring a magnum of fizz, and trying to drink Buck's Fizz from plastic champagne glasses on a moving double Decker bus is not as easy as it sounds! However Bridget Jones style introductions to each other is must. I know Becky J loved being referred to as a Doctor (she is one) and former head girl! And Helen as my pastoral guide!!

Once in Brighton we went for lunch at Momma Cherri's Soul Food Shack (As seen on Ramsey's kitchen nightmares) This place is a MUST if you like relaxed Brighton dining, friendly staff, GREAT food in abundance, yummy cocktails and fab soul music. I am DEFINITELY going back!

The rest of the day was spent on the beach, in the sea (it was really really cold), and on the pier. We had ice cream (with two flakes for the Bride!), and went on the roller coaster (Alice got stuck in it which was amusing in a if we don't laugh we'll cry way and we all got bruises and mild whiplash) and the carousel which even Becky C, the most cautious girl in the world, decided was safe until she realised she hadn't got a pole to hold on to!

The evening saw us mass ordering Pizza (thanks to Jon J for the 50% off voucher), playing singstar (Singstar 80s and Singstar anthems no less - I'm hooked) and watching wedding Crashers (Confetti will have to wait until the day before the wedding!!). The loveliest bit on Saturday was getting presents from people. A real range of wonderful treats, inlcuing lingerie, pampering Sanctuary smellies, Funny books, The Prophet, and a very special necklace from Rach (a cross in a stone) with a card explaining the reasons behind it. It had me in tears. I love all you girls.

Sunday was Rugby Day! Suited and Booted we caught another set of trains to Reading, where we met with three of my my mooses, reunited all five of us for the first time since Becky C got married, and my mummy.

We had champagne to start, more introductions, more presents including heart cookie cutters, a table cloth for my bottom drawer, Bart Simpson's guide to life and a signed Worcester Warriors shirt. Thank you all again.

We lost the rugby but the sun shone and I shouted plenty! I met Mike Catt afterwards, but no Warriors :-( and I played rugby in three inch wedges with Delon Armitage's brother!

The best thing about it all is that I get to see all of these wonderful women in just over a week and they've all chosen to come and witness me becoming Mrs Gordon and party the night away with us all. Awesome!!!

Photos are HERE and HERE and on Facebook xxxx

Called Home

Well what roller coaster of emotions I've been through this last week or so.

Everything can't go in one blog post so to start with I wanted to write about Grandad's funeral last Tuesday 17th April.
I was mainly fine, and quite calm and peaceful. It was odd being in Granddad's house without him there.
The drive to the crematorium was fine, all 5 of us (Mum, Dad, Alice James and me) in one car. At the gates of the Crematorium we were met by a piper. Granddad was a drummer in the regimental pipe band, and having a piper at his funeral was one of his requests. As soon as I heard the music the tears came. It's funny how music can elicit emotions. I think it was a suitably grand exit for a man who was brave, strong and amazing but would never have told you so! The service was good, we had it in the chapel at the crematorium, and I read 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 which you can read HERE. James read Psalm 91, the Soldiers' Psalm and Alice read a poem.
Dad spoke about Granddad which was lovely. I like hearing the stories and the memories. I hope they will be part of the story of my life, and the stories my kids hear.
It was a sad day, and a sad time but throughout the day and the service a gentle sense of calmness surrounded me. God whispered gently in my ear, and wiped my tears away.
Death, funerals and endings are sad, but Granddad was ready to be called home, and as the words of one of my favourite songs says:
'' 'Til he returns, or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand."
And it is that thought that keeps me going.
H x

Sad

My granddad died last Sunday, April 1st. He was 87. I loved him very much and I am very sad that he has died. I'm sad that I won't be able to play him the MP3 of my wedding service, and that I won't be able to sit down with him and show him the photos of my wedding.
I'm sad because he was a great man, a brave man and a family man.
However I am really grateful that he' s not in pain anymore, and that his worn out body isn't needed because he has freedom in heaven. I'm really excited that he gets to see my Gran again who died in October 2004. I'm really glad that they both get to be at my wedding, watching over us all together from Heaven. I'm glad that there will be reminders of them both at the wedding: Dad's Cameron tie, and I'll wear Gran's engagement ring.
I'm sad because my family are sad, I'm sad because I won't get emails or text messages from him anymore. Yes my Grandfather was a silver surfer techno whizz and I'm so proud of that. I'm sad because funerals are sad (his is on 17th) and death is sad.
I happy that my Granddad lived for 87 long years, and until very recently he was well enough to take his caravan to Scotland. I'm happy that he and Gran used to have me and my sister to stay in the summer holidays and we used to go to Jolly Giant Toy Shop, and McDonald's drive through and take the Psycho Dog out on Cannock Chase (I wasn't sad when the dog died!). I'm happy that my Gran used to knit me clothes, including a ridiculous turquoise crop top that I REALLY wanted!
It's very odd having this juxta position of death and new beginnings and weddings. I had some very good news from a friend last week too to remind me of the circle of life. It reminds me that God is good, He is so in control. He is also loving and strong. Death reminds me of my fragility but also of my need to lean on God. I'm so glad that I know God and He knows me. I'm glad I can talk to Him and question Him.
I'm even happy that sometimes I don't get answers.
I'm glad that I can pray and God doesn't judge me. I'm happy that I can pray and God listens. I'm glad that I can pray and God doesn't mind if it doesn't make sense.
I'm happy that God knows my pain and has promised never to give me more than I can deal with.
I'm happy that James led me to God and that we can pray together.
I'm happy that one day I'll see Granddad again.
Hannah x

Amazing Grace

James and I went with our friends from MINT (the 18- 30ish group from church) to see Amazing Grace at the cinema. I don't really know what I was expecting, and I'm not usually a costume drama type of girl. I'd seen mixed reviews but went with an open mind.

I came away with a much clearer picture of the historical facts surrounding Wilberforce and his bill. It was a good portrayal of his friendship with William Pitt the Younger (played by the rather scrummy Benedict Cumberbatch) and his struggle with God and illness.

There were many good bits including a scene where Wilberforce is lying in the dewy grass one morning. He has a conversation with his butler about God. The butler says: 'You've found God sir?' and Wilberforce replies' Well it's more a case of He found me. Do you have any idea how inconvenient that is?' What a great line, and oh so true.

The final scene with Pipers outside Westminster Abbey gave me shivers down my spine.

I also came to the realisation that the big film vans outside Holy Trinity Clapham (that I go past on the bus daily) must have been for this film. Shame I didn't bump into Ioann Grufydd at all!

I came away from the cinema feeling more informed, and strangely encouraged. It wasn't a film about the horrors of slavery, and it didn't give a story from a slave's perspective but it was good to watch. H x

Major Job Announcement

Just over a year ago I wrote this post: Calm
It included the line: 'I just really feel that I have given it all to God and He will deal with it. ' with regards to my job situation.
Since then I have remained at my current organisation working with people who have physical and sensory disabilities in Lambeth trying to promote and develop Service User Involvement. Funding finally came through at the end of June after living on month to month notice from early March. That small amount of money was only up until the end of March 2007.
So I've spent this year in a flux, a state of unknowing, uncertainty and unfulfillment. I've applied for several jobs. I've had interviews with The National Autistic Society, Shelter, The City of London, Diabetes UK, and a christian charity. I got offered one job, but it wasn't right in many ways.
All this time I've felt strongly that God has it under control. I've prayed before every interview please God let me know if this is right. Let Your will be done. Never was this more necessary than when I was offered a job. My head was saying take it it's a job but God was saying this is not the one. Wait. So I did. Job adverts dried up, time ticked on. Lambeth announced huge voluntary sector cuts. My job looked insecure. The thought of being out of work, and getting married was not appealing. Leaving the people I work with was not appealing either because I really like them all, I like the organisation I work for and I feel like I have more to offer.
So last week after a Friday off I returned to find an email from my boss saying that he had news about User Involvement Funding and we should talk.
There is money! For nearly three years. For a User Involvement Post - joint disabilities and Older Persons. And they offered me the job. And I accepted.
I HAVE A NEW JOB WITH SECURED FUNDING UNTIL JANUARY 2010
WOW
The details are yet to be worked out, but basically I will be joint managed by my current Boss and the CE of Age Concern. Because the money is longer term there will be more specific work plan, targets and deadlines. The stuff I thrive on. I will have purpose and drive. Hooray.
And in the midst of it all I can see God sitting there, arms crossed saying 'Now do you understand?'
He has provided for me in a truly amazing and unexpected way. In a way that fits me and suits me and feels perfect for my life right now.
Thank You God. Sorry that I doubted you. Thank you for believing in me even when I wavered from you. Please help me to use this job opportunity to glorify You further. Amen
H x

Got to Goal!

At my Weight Watchers meeting on Thursday March 15th I weighed in at 12 stone, 2.5 lb giving me a BMI of 24. I had originally wanted to get to 12 stone. Well I like round numbers, but after a great chat with a lovely leader I reset my goal at 12 stone 3 lb. The top end of my BMI is 12 stone 6lb, which is the weight I could have become a GOLD member.
OK science bit over.
I joined Weight Watchers on May 25th last year and I have been a member for 43 weeks. In total I lost 46lb. The challenge now is to stay this weight.
I know I sound like an advert but Weight Watchers has changed my life. It has taught a whole new attitude to food. I can honestly say there has never been a time when I've felt like I was missing out on something. As I've lost weight it has been easier to exercise. Running the Hydro Active in September was a major achievement for me, the former cross country cheater. I feel better about myself, and I have learnt how to have time for me, a challenge for someone as perpetually busy as me.
I'd love to say that losing weight was really really hard but it wasn't. There were times, and weeks when it was a struggle, or days when I'd eaten all my points and I still wanted more food. There were weeks where a visit to the gym didn't materialise, or I stopped counting points or stated deceiving myself about how much I'd eaten. These were the weeks, I stayed the same weight, or put some on. Christmas was difficult but I accepted I would put on weight, and I did. I don't think I ate as much as I have in former years, and nor did I want to. James has been very very supportive and I couldn't have done it without his help. I love him very much for this, he has never had to lose weight in his life!
I have been counting points for the whole time I've been doing Weight Watchers, but there is another plan called 'Core' which is a list of foods you can eat freely until you are full at meal times, and snack on fruit in between. My plan is to stay on points until after the wedding, then learn how to maintain using a mixture of Core and Points. I am determined that this is how it is going to be from now on. Food and I have an uneasy relationship, and I will be easily seduced again if I am not careful. However I am happier with the new way of things and I am positive about the future.
So here are some before and after photos:

March 24th 2007

March 24th 2007