Maranatha - Oh Lord Come

Tonight I read to Molly from her lovely storybook bible, (thanks Becky and Andy.) It gave me shivers and then reduced me to tears.
So I thought I'd share.

It's called "He's here!"

Everything was ready. The moment God had been waiting for was here at last! God was coming to help his people, just as he promised in the beginning.
But how would he come? What would he be like? What would he do?
Mountains would have bowed down. Seas would have roared. Trees would have clapped their hands. But earth held its breath. As silent as snow falling, he came in. And when no one was looking, in the darkness, he came.......

And there, int he stable, amongst the chickens and the donkeys and the cows, in the quiet of the night, God gave the world his wonderful gift. The baby that would change the world was born. His baby Son.
Mary and Joseph wrapped him up to keep him warm.They made a soft bed of straw and used the animals' feeding trough as his cradle. And they gazed in wonder at God's Great Gift, wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.
Mary and Joseph named him Jesus, "Emmanuel" - which means "God has come to live with us."
Because, of course, he had.

Enjoy the last week of Advent everyone.
Maranatha - Oh Lord Come

A New Role

I am not going to apologise for not blogging. I haven't felt like it. Stuff has happened.
This will be the last post that feeds automatically into my Facebook so if you want to carry on reading you can find me at http://www.huggyhannah.blogspot.com/
I am changing the purpose of my blog slightly to match my new role, let me explain where I am at now:
Our daughter, Molly Susannah Gordon, entered the world on 16th April this year. The last three months hae flown by, but at the same time everything has changed. It has been such hard work; emotionally, physically and spiritually, with enormous stress and strain on our marriage, but it has also been amazing.
Everytime I look at Molly I see God's perfect creation. I see her potentail, her personality. I see that she is made in God's image and that she is His ultimate gift.
It is both awe inspiring and humbling that God allows us the privaledge of being parents. He trusts us with growing, nurturing, feeding and praying for the future of our world, of His creation.
I am not the perfect mother and nor will I ever be, but I am Molly's mother and with God's help and continual guidance I will always do my best for her.
I believe that being a mother is NOT about having a baby. Whilst she is small and delicate at the moment, and depends on James and I for her every need, this stage is short and will pass much sooner than I want it to. I am coming to realise, and I guess this will continue forever, that being a mother is about being a guide and rudder, a nurturer and a teacher, a confidante and a disciplinarian. For now I am taking tiny steps and learning how to wear all these new identities, how they fit me and how they fit into my life. Whenever I start to panic, when something doesn't 'fit' or I lose perspective I try and turn to God.
He is the ultimate parent.
I know that every moment of joy, delight, despair and frustration I experience with Molly He has experiencd with me, and thousands of times over with all His children.
I am also seeing that being a mother is not something that can be done in isolation. I hope that for the rest of my life I can continue to live and grow in community with others. Molly is my daughter, but she is also God's, and for me it is important that she grows up amongst other people who know and love Him.
I am truely blessed, as I start my new role, by some amazing people with amazing gifts. These are people with whom I can lay myself bare, I can share my raw pain and emotion and they do not judge me but simply stand beside me. They may not always agree with me, and that too is wonderful - for how can I learn and move on, grow, heal and develop if I am not challenged and changed by my experiences? These precious people remind me it is OK to struggle, question, rant and cry but then hold me close and uphold me in prayer. They help me over my barriers and boundaries.
It is these people who will help me become the best mother I can be. These people are the ones who, I hope, will be there at the big important occasions and moments in Molly's life, but also the small insignificant ones too.
Becoming a mother has not changed the core of who I am, it has added to who I am. Some of my actions, activites and choices have changed but essentially I am still God's child, trying faithfully to walk His path and look to Him for guidnace on all of life's decisions, both big and small.

Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;


Forgive them anyway.


If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.


If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.


If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.


What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.


If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.


The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.


Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.


You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

[Source: Mother Theresa]

News

It has been half term this week which has given me time and space to relax, as well as write end of year reports for the 30 children in my class. It means that I have watched more TV than I usually would. Quite often James and I will put on BBC News 24, with its constant commentary on events around the world. I've also been to the gym twice this week (hopefully this trend will continue). Along one wall there is a bank of TV screens, showing various channels including SKY News.
As I cycled away, going nowhere, on Thursday morning, I started to watch the screens whilst listening to my i-pod. The tragic events in Cumbria the day before was the lead story across all the news. The events were still coming to light and little more was certain than the number of people killed and injured. Sky had sent a correspondent to stand in Whitehaven to report on the story. From what I could make out, as large BREAKING NEWS tickers ran across the bottom of the screen he was there offering opinion and conjecture. The gunman might have killed his brother, he may have had financial problems, he had a gun license. Various people were interviewed who may or may not have had relevance to the report. James was listening as well as watching and later told me that they had interviewed a man who had seen Derrick Bird that morning and later heard two bangs. That was his connection. That was his contribution to the reporting of the news.
I would argue that news reporting has become less about reporting the facts and more about conjecture and sensationalising stories to fill the 24 hours of news broadcasting we now have available to us in a variety of media forms. I cannot speak for the people of Whitehaven, and nor do I wish to, but I wanted to shout at the Sky News man to go away and leave the grieving, hurting, shocked community alone. I wanted to tell him to turn his camera off and go and have a cup of tea in the local church hall, to talk to residents without his camera, to build a story and then report on it later if he had to. I wanted him to DO something to help the community in which he stood with his camera and his equipment.
My anger and dislike of this type of news goes further. I cannot stand studio presenters who find pundits and people to interview on a huge range of issues with the sole of aim of trying to catch them out, or if that fails putting words in their  mouths to suit the stance of the story they are presenting.
Despite my strong feelings I find myself fascinated by news. I check the BBC website a couple of times a day, both local and national. I read the website of my local rag and I LOVE to spend a weekend trawling through the Guardian or the Observer. But why? Where does my desire to know what's happening come from?
Does it stem from the same place as my last post? The desire to feel part of a community, be it Croydon, London, the UK or indeed the World? Do I like to know what's happened so I can talk to others about it, so I can share it, or share the experience?
24 hour news draws us in and gives people across the globe the chance to be part of a communal experience, good or bad. On 11th September 2001 I was in the air flying home from my first holiday with James. I was nowhere near a computer or a TV screen when the second plane hit the twin towers. Whilst I am fully aware of the events, the aftermath, the impact and lasting damage that this event has caused around the world I did not share in its immediacy and do not feel like I have any ownership of it, unlike thousands and thousands of others.
My worry is that in sharing experiences we do not leave room to empathise with those most closely affected. We have our reactions and emotions and do not have the capacity to extend those feelings to others. We find ourselves unable to react, to help, or even maybe to care. And finally if it all gets too much for us, we do not have to do anything, we do not have to respond with kindness and humanity, with prayer and love. All we need to do is hit the off button.

Community

I've thinking a lot lately about community. What it is, what it needs to function, how we can make it better. To me a community is place where people belong, a group of people tied by a common purpose. It exists for the good of the many, but cannot succeed without the commitment and cooperation of the few.
Do we need to live closely to be a community? Traditionaly yes. Communities were locality based, everyone knowing eveyone else, and their business. Communities helped each other out. As I type I cannot help but form a picture of Larkrise to Candleford.
So what of communities now? Do we have to live in close proximity or has technology enabled a new community? With a few clicks I can know what someone is feeling, see pictures of their lastest exploits, and comment upon all sorts of aspects of their day to day lives. What gives me the right or priviledge to do so? And how should I react if I am upset by the actions of someone in my community, or indeed how should someone behave if I have upset them? How can we share a difference in opinion or enter into a dialogue about our differences, if all we do is type black words onto a white screen and share ourselves with one click. Is this community?
As human beings we are made to differ. God gives us each qualities and gifts, and leaves weaknesses and flaws in our being. Together we make up one body, we cannot function as a whole without each and every one. To be a community we must have some shared knowledge of each others characteristics. We know who the joker is, who the story teller is, who is the thinker, who is the questioner, who is the host and who is the innovator. We appreciate each others gifts and bear each others weaknesses. We appreciate that none of us are perfect, but we choose to invest time and energy knowing each other all the same.
Can there ever be an online community like this, or does the screen make our inerations faceless, and our actions reactionary? It is too easy to type a quick response posted with wit, which is read as an insult and received with anger. In a moment of anger it is easy to lash out with words, which are read by all, and interpretted a hundred different ways. Unlike the spoken word, type cannot be easily forgotten,  making it even harder to forgive.
I wonder how many friendships have been damaged by being part of this type of community? And does this make it any kind of community at all?

Winner

So 26.2 miles and 4 hours and 25 minutes after starting out from a drizzly Blackheath Mr G, my very own Flash Gordon, crossed the finish line of the 2010 Virgin London Marathon. For months James has been training, running in all weathers, for hours at a time. It wasn't even his idea!
I am so proud of him and his massive achievement.
As we waited near mile 7 to catch our first glimpse of him I started to clock watch. As the minutes neared I started running through all that could go wrong. He could fall over, or get cramp, or his knee might give way. I started to feel very nervous. The 9 minute milers ran past - he should be in there I thought. Then the 10. Then I started to think I had missed him. Suddenly Steve saw him and shouted. My heart leapt as I saw him smiling and running with Andy and Bren. We moved slowly onto Mile 17 at Mudchute DLR. The train was packed with marathon watchers and a great atmosphere. Sandwiches, cake and coffee followed courtesy of the in-laws - brilliant! He was easier to spot this time - fewer crowds on both sides of the fence!
A long DLR journey and a loo stop took us to about mile 24. PC Flash looked tired by this point but still running (he later admitted walking just after he'd seen us.)
A bus ride and a walk took us to Horse Guard's Parade to meet the amazing runners. Somehow in amongst the crowds I spotted him looking tired, sweaty but triumphant.
I have to admit I welled up on seeing him.
What a star.
And thanks to  you amazing guys and your generosity he has now exceeded his fundraising target.
By running the marathon James has done something amazing but even more than that we have gained some amazing new friends and our community has grown.
Thank you to the Heaths - Tris and Caz for their advice, humour, training runs, marathon watching schedules, lifts and fruit salad, Bren - for running too!, and George for being a brilliant spectating buddy!
Thank you to the Kings - Andy for running too, for being so welcoming and Abby for an amazing pasta party!
Thank you to Max - its been great getting to know you in homegroup and at various runs across the South of England.
Thanks to the Squires (the Yummys!) You guys are like my extended family
Thank you to Alice - for being a source of advice,encouragement and watching support (oh and for helping me draft the application all those months ago!!)
Thanks to The Gordons - Marion and James for food and admiration of your crazy son, Doug for spotting him at mile 24 and for letting him be better than you at this, Helen for being a brilliant pussy galore and generally being a great big sis, Nat (well you are nearly a Gordon) for putting up with being a twin wife.
Thanks to my rents - for their support and admiration of my hubbie.
And to anyone who saw James' feet on Sunday night - thanks for not vomitting! He has been to the chirpodist now!
So that's that chellenge over.....
What Next?

www.justgiving.com/pcflash

www.justgiving.com/pcflash 

About this time last year I started thinking that James could run the London Marathon. He had run a few 10k events easily and said he enjoyed running. Through my volunteering with Alice's former charity I had been to the London marathon a few times. I had always been struck by the commitment and sheer guts of the runners - but their stories, their determination and the amounts of money they raise for amazing causes usually reduced me to tears.
James was fairly agreeable to the idea as long as I did the admin and got him a place. We applied to the ballot but I also thought about which charities I could apply to. There are so many 'good causes' and many which we have a link to or a reason to support.The one which I chose is not a trendy charity, dealing with a high profile issue. It is a charity that deals with a socially unacceptable issue, one which is rarely spoken of in public. It is an issue that causes 2 women a week to die. It is an issue that my husband, through his work, deals with on a daily basis. It is something that should not happen, but does, behind closed doors and causes women and children great pain, suffering and self doubt. On average a woman will experience it 35 times before she calls the Police. I applied to Refuge, the UK charity that helps women and children out of Domestic Violence, and they gave James a place. I am lucky that my marriage is strong and stable, and I come from a stable family. I have never had to experience the horror of domestic violence, but I have heard stories from James who responds to 999 calls, and my dad through his work and volunteering.
Refuge need James, and all their runners, to raise at least £1800 each to make their place worthwhile. As of writing James has raised 68% of that so over 2/3rds. There are 2 weeks and 2 days to go. It would be great if James could cross the finish line on 25th April knowing that his fundraising was done. If you've been thinking about donating but haven't yet here are some facts about James' training:
He has run over 300 miles in training.
He has trained for over 40 hours.
He has been out in all weathers - snow, wind and rain - lots and lots of rain.
He has eaten more pasta than an average Italian grandmother.
He has completed 3 half marathons in under 1 hour 55 minutes.
He has dressed up as Q from James Bond.
He has reduced his alcohol intake significantly.
He has lost one toenail, and two more are black and ready to fall off.
He wants to run in under 4 and a half hours.
He has made some great new friends: Caz, Tris, Bren, Andy, Max and Mr Yummy.
His nipples have bled.
He has found new uses for Vaseline.
And finally,
He is excited but anxious and never wants to run a marathon again (but we'll see;-))
So click here: www.justgiving.com/pcflash and give what you can.
Thank you

The Curse of Technology (Guest Entry)

I will now take a slight change in direction of this blog. It will now form part of a Thesis that my husband has been working on for 27 years and entitled "The curse of Technology". The main aim of his work is to critique how hard technology makes modern life and flys in the face of the concentric hypothesis that technology makes our lives easier. He attempts to prove this via the Nike+ Sports band which he considers rather frustrating rather than the hoped liberation that he thought it would bring. Indeed the Luddites in his view were the original masters of this now re-awoken theory - the curse of technology.

New Year New ?

I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year "Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown." And he replied,"Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God; that shall be to you better than light, and safer than a known way!"

Minnie Louise Harkins 1875-1957

This year is the first year for ages that I am entering with a degree of certainty - if that is ever possible. This year I am not giving up a job to retrain, I am not qualifying and looking for work. I have a job, and as long as I pass my NQT year, and my school agree then I have a job. James' job is secure and certain. In a way this certainty unsettles me more than the uncertainty.

Over the last few years I have been forced to rely on God and turn to Him for options and guidance. I have trusted Him and taken the path He has guided me down. I have felt like I am really walking the path He has laid out for me. When I got my job last year it felt so God given, and right. But this year does not seem to have any such event on the horizon and that in itself brings an uncertainty!

This first term of my teaching career has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I have struggled with managing my class' behaviour, along with all the stuff they don't teach you at college about paperwork, parents, records, displays etc. Each week I force myself to think about the things I have achieved - the good points to hang my progress and success on. There have been moments when I have felt good - like I know what I am doing, like this is what I am supposed to be doing. There have also been vivid and dark moments when I have felt like giving up. Moments when the Devil has actually taunted me, telling me that I am no good, to do it for a year and then forget it. When I turn to God and talk to Him then I get reminders. I also get flashes of a memory that I did not start pursuing this career to teach mainstream forever, and whilst the idea of teaching children with Autism, or other special needs, is very alien and inconceivable right now I think God sometimes gently reminds me that He is in control.

I am sure that this year will contain many surprises and decisions. I know that when choices need to be made, or questions answered that James and I will turn to God and seek His guidance. I also know that in the times that there are none of these things to be done then God is simply asking that I rest in Him. I need to remember that God is not just a crisis manager, or some sort of celestial life compass. He is my Lord and Saviour and desires a relationship with me. I need to talk to Him, listen to Him and seek his presence every day. In doing this I hope that that His voice will become clearer and my uncertainty more comfortable to bear.

Christmas

So this is Christmas.

More and more I am challenged by what Christmas means, and how I should celebrate it. Last year our church focussed on Advent and, coupled with having most of Advent off, helped me to focus on looking forward, and thinking about teh arrival of God in our world again.

This year I spent alot of Advent being tired - teaching is exhausting. I couldn't get caught up in the hype and so, quite by mistake, I arrived at the week before Christmas ready for a rest, and ready to focus on spending time with the people I love and care for.

At our Christmas Carol Service there was a audio visual presentation and this quote struck me:

" The way you spend Christmas is far more important than how much."

I am realising that Christmas is not about presents, or food, or money. It is about giving time and love. Its about having conversations with people you only see at Christmas, listening to the people you thought you knew, but have grown and changed with the passing of the years, peeling potatoes and parsnips for Christmas lunch, chatting over glasses of champagne with your newly married friends in their lovely home, pulling on your thermals to watch a ruggby game you know your team will lose. It's about making 3.5kg of fudge, and grapefruit marmalade late at night.

I hope that I have managed to do that this year.

I know that there are many people I fail to love like I should. I know that there are people I fail to stay in touch with, things I could do but don't and things I say or think that I shouldn't.

I know that Jesus, when He stepped into the story that is my world and yours, was ready for the good and the bad. He came into a dirty difficult world, eyes open and ready to show it love. He never failed, and that allows me to get it wrong over and over again.

I hope that the way I celebrated this year will teach me more about Christ as I journey through the next 12 months. I am looking forward - as well as back.

The power of prayer

3am Sunday Morning

The Fourth Plinth - This Saturday night 3am until 4am

Right I have decided what I am going to do. Unfortunately I got the day wrong 3am on Sunday is in fact Saturday night!!
If you want to see me, During the event - or at all on Sunday go here: www.oneanother.co.uk and click on my timeslot.
In Trafalgar square!
I admire Gormley's work, especially his figure at Winchester Cathedral and I would like to emulate that on the plinth.
Art is not about entertaining or interacting with the viewer necessarily, but does give the artist a chance to express a feeling, a thought or a belief.
I am a 29 year old Christian woman.
My faith is the core of who I am, it grounds me and anchors me. It is my moral code, my joy, my desire. If my faith does not spill over into my actions, if it is not evident to others then I am getting it wrong.
So, I want to use my time on the plinth to pray for the city I live in. Sitting in the heart of the city will give me an opportunity to face each part of the city, North, South, East and West and pray for each in turn. As I do so I am going to light a candle as a symbol. If health and safety will let me.
I want to pray for peace and harmony. I want to pray for people I know in different parts of the city. I want to pray for hospitals, and the police. I want to pray for schools and the children of our city, the young people so intent on killing each other. I want to pray for God's grace, and love and mercy.
I am not going to pray out loud. Only God needs to hear my prayers.
And, like an hour in a prayer room, I am sure it will whizz by.
So yes. That's me, my hour.
Entertaining - no
Important - you decide
Art - well yes!

The Fourth Pinth - One & Other

One & Other
Next Sunday night at 3am I will be taking part in a public art project in Trafalgar Square. Anthony Gormley, the sculptor, came up with a project to fill the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square with the people of Britain. To quote the website
"They will become an image of themselves, and a representation of the whole of humanity. "
I applied, not expecting that out of the 28821 applicants I would be one of the 2400 people selected for an hour. The places are distributed around the UK to give a true picture rather than just a load of Londoners.
Anyway I have a slot. It's in the middle of the night but it is still a slot.
When I applied I originally thought I would just sit silently and pray. However at 3 in the morning this is just going to look like I am asleep.
So what should I do?
I have thought about reading a book of the Bible out loud - Maybe a gospel, or Phillipians? Or maybe even starting at the beginning with Genesis.
Friends last night said I should bake - I need to be able to carry all my stuff up there but with a camping stove some sort of food might not be out of the question.
I want my hour on the plinth - whether it is seen by many or few - to be a witness to who I am the what I believe. I don't have a talent - I can't sing, or dance, or play an instrument.
How can I share my qualities, and make the few people who might see me think?
Answers please....!
Hannah x

NQT

I did it!
I am now officially an Newly Qualified Teacher!
I cannot quite comprehend all that I have learnt, experienced or achieved in the last 10 months, going from User Involvement Worker to Primary School teacher. This week I have been exhausted. I haven't even considered September and all the new challenges that will bring. I am off on hols and then I am going into school when I get back. I need to rest, to restore, to renew.
Everyone tells you a PGCE is hard work, stressful, intense. And yes at times it has been all of those things.
However all along, no matter how tough times were, I have carried the overwhelming sense that I am on the right path.
I have never been sure of why God is leading me this way but have tried to trust Him and follow.
And that's what I continue to do. It is only with Him that I will succeed.
As well as a new career as a teacher I have gained something more; friends! Which at the age of nearly 30 is something really special.
It has been a great 10 months. I find it both amazing and terrifying to be given the privilege of educating children but its a challenge I'm willing to try.
Hannah

T minus 25

On July 3rd after a day of relaxation I will officially graduate from Wandsworth SCITT as a NQT with a PGCE and QTS. In short I will be a primary school teacher!
I am TERRIFIED!
The last few months have been quite surreal - hence the lack of blogging. All my mental energy has gone into assignment writing, lesson planning, evaluating and job interviews.
I have written two 5000 word masters level essays. They were tough - and I seemed to be living under their weight for a long time. Handing the final assignment in I felt like I was emerging from a long hibernation. There was light at the end of the tunnel and I felt lighter and happier. I now know that I have passed both these papers although I don't have results yet.
On May 18th I had an interview for a teaching job at a Junior School nearby to me. I have felt an enormous sense of calm about job hunting. I firmly believe that God led me into this PGCE and future career and that He would find me a school where I can continue to serve and glorify him. Earlier in the year I attended a panel interview for the Southwark Diocesan Board of Education NQT Pool. I went to the interview not expecting anything spectacular - whilst Church Schools are reasonably common I had not previously considered working in one. Anyway the interview went well and a couple of weeks later one of the heads from my panel called me to tell me she had two vacancies at her school and would I apply. The school was larger than I had anticipated joining but I gave it to God. After a great but unsuccessful interview elsewhere I attended the interview on May 18th already knowing in my heart that God wanted me at the school. It was an odd feeling- and it sounds really boastful in print - but I did my best and waited for the call. In short I got the job! It is a great relief to have a post for September and reduces the pressure in the last few weeks of teaching.
As of Monday morning I have two and half weeks of teaching practice left. The other trainees in my school were talking about final grading the other day. All of my observations have been good so far - with some elements of very good. So I started thinking is 'good' good enough? And how can I be 'very good?' I am tired, and whilst these weeks will fly by I know they are going to be pressured and busy and I need to summon energy from somewhere to make it through. I know that I have got the foundations of teaching solid and now I need to take risks, build and expand my style - all at a time when my tank is nearly empty and my soul is aching for the week getaway on the Isle of Wight that James and I have booked in July.
I also find myself in a position where I cannot look back yet and appreciate all that I have achieved since the start of September. I am stuck in fast forward, and yes scared by the future. Learning to teach is a fairly safe environment but in September I will have my own class of 30 children with all their wonderful differences, strengths and weaknesses. I will find myself faced with 30 faces all seeing me as the expert. I have no idea how to start a year, how to introduce myself etc etc. I know that, like this year, iIwill learn. I will learn the ways of the school, I will learn about the children, I will build relationships with them, their parents, other teachers, staff and management. I know that God has led me there and He will not abandon me but I am still scared.
But for now, at t minus 25 days I need to focus on finishing my placement - being the best I can be.
H x

I am a Christian

This: I am a Christian
has annoyed me. I am so wound up that this post could end up being a rant.
This Christian radio station is trying to get 100, 000 people to publicly declare their faith. By signing a declaration online. I don't seem to be able to find the list of people who've signed up so I can't report how close they are to their target. The website tells me that this 'campaign' is in response to the National Secular Society's (them again, twice in three posts) debaptism efforts. The website says:
"Premier’s “I am a Christian” campaign is asking you to take this opportunity to publicly affirm your faith and declare that Jesus is relevant to your everyday life.
Make your declaration today and join together with thousands of other Christians around the world."
My answer, in case you haven't guessed, is NO.
No I will not sign up.
I do not want to take this opportunity to publicly affirm my faith and declare Jesus is relevant to my everyday life.
I do that, everyday! By LIVING MY LIFE as best I can.
I try to be more like Jesus everyday, and fail, and ask for forgiveness, and start all over. I declare my faith by trying to be different. By trying to live out the life God wants me to. By following His path, seeking His guidance and in my ways acknowledging Him. I declare my faith by observing Lent, by trying to answer the questions of others, by trying to be humble and merciful. I declare my faith by my membership of a body of believers called a church. I declare my faith when I worship God, in song, and laughter, and prayer and praise. No Premier Radio I do not want to take your opportunity, thank you.
I think the thing that angers me most is that this campaign seems to have no real purpose. It does not seek to fight injustice, it does not address poverty, or slavery. It does not serve its community. It is not asking 100,000 people to declare that Jesus is relevant to their day to day lives by cooking a meal for their elderly neighbour, or writing to their local newspaper asking them why they allow adverts for 'massage services' where women tricked, trafficked and traded are forced to serve their captors. It does not ask me to affirm my faith by tithing my income to the church, giving money to the poor, or even praying for the NSS and its members.
I know that I am standing in judgement of this campaign, and that in itself is not the right thing to do but I am riled and I am ranting.
Mahatma Gandhi is reported to have said: 'An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind'
and Jesus himself taught:
"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?" Matthew 5: 43 - 47
So I am not signing the declaration.
I'm off to declare my faith, through prayer, friendship and roast dinner.
H x

"It’s not if I believe in love, But if love believes in me" U2

James went to the pub with his brother and some friends last night. I collapsed into bed at 17.30 and slept for an hour and a half. This week had finally caught up with me! I eventually dragged my sorry self back out of bed to cook and eat supper and settled down to watch 'Brokeback Mountain' or 'That Gay Cowboy Film' as James disdainfully refers to it. I have to say it didn't live up to its hype for me and although I understood its themes and reasons I just got really annoyed with Heath Ledger mumbling away all the time.

James came home a little worse for wear and told me that he'd had a conversation about religion with two of our friends. I enquired further as to what the conversation had entailed and found out that one person had no belief in God whatsoever. Their argument was that they knew the difference between right and wrong without needing a religious code to tell them that. They further argued that in places in the world where people developed without any knowledge of God or Christianity they still developed a moral social order and knew the difference between right and wrong within the boundaries of their society. James admitted he has been somewhat stumped at these ascertains.

After thinking for a minute I turned to him and said that I too had known the difference between right and wrong before I had believed in God. I had morals and stuck to them. My faith does not provide me with a set of morals, it provides me with a hope, a future and a reason for living. I went on to say that I believe that God created the world, and so I believe that He created those people whom Christianity has only recently reached. Therefore they know right and wrong because God has put that within them. I believe He created us all in His image.

'It's a shame you weren't there,' James said.

It goes back to the fact that even if I don't believe in God He believes in me. He created me, He wants the best for me and He loves me. I cannot change that and it is not dependent on whether I know Him or chose to acknowledge Him. This is a really difficult concept. I do not have to do anything to win or gain God's love or relationship. I am offered a free gift that I do not deserve and all I have to do is reach out my hands and take hold of it. Our friend's lack of belief in God does not prove that there is no God. The have chosen to believe in nothing but nothing cannot believe in them. If they ever change their mind then God will be there, the same as He always has been, ready to make His love into a two-way relationship.

Evangelical Atheists

This post comes with a warning. This is not an intelligent, intellectual or informed discussion about the above topic. It is a gut reaction to this article on the BBC Website: Atheists call for 'debaptism'
The man in the article wants to be De-Baptised. He doesn't believe in God and is upset that this ever happened to him. It has taken him 50 years to get around to this so I get the feeling that it can't have been too pressing! Southwark Diocese has refused to remove the record of his baptism.
And quite right too.
Nick Baines, the Bishop quoted in the piece, is the Bishop of Croydon. He is a sensible, sensitive, thoughtful and realistic man. He says:
"You can't remove from the record something that actually happened,"
Too right!
Baptism is not a membership card. It doesn't give you free entry to heaven. It is not the end of a road, it is a door being opened, with a path that you may or may not follow beyond that doorway. The man, Mr Hunt, chose not to follow this path, but there is something about his actions and his vehement opposition that makes me wonder if he is still worried by it. Is he wondering what might happen if he took some steps down it? Would he be forced to face situations, truths, and questions that would trouble him and his almost religious certainty that there is no God?
The article says he went to confirmation classes, and is quite contradictory saying he went to confirmation classes but also decided early on he
'had no place in a hypocritical organisation.'
Seems a bit odd to me. Why didn't he stay home for Sunday lunch instead.
When I was confirmed in 2002 I had many questions. I too was baptised as a baby in a Catholic Church. My parents gave me chances and opportunities to find out more, but equally let me choose not to believe or worship. God too gave me this choice. Throughout the time that I chose not to believe, not to walk with Him, He did not forget me. There was no big catch up on His part when I started talking to Him again in my early twenties. He waited, patiently, and let me ask all my questions. Most importantly as I made the choice to be confirmed (in the Anglican church) God did not present me with a membership card, manual of all the answers and a map of my path. He took my hand, helped me to step over the threshold and start walking His path making no promises that the path was easy. I struggled with the fact that I did not remember my baptism, that it was in another denomination, that I had spent so long not believing. The words that comforted me most came from the creed which we say at communion:
'We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.'
I came to realise that it didn't matter that I didn't remember it, or that the decisions then weren't my own. They were a start, and confirmation was the next step.
I was at the Baptism of a child last Sunday morning, a couple from my home group's daughter. It was so exciting to see her now and dream of all that she may become. It was more exciting to see her in the context of her family, and her wider church family. To feel the love that she sits within. It was great to be part of the congregation welcoming her and encouraging her. I love the liturgy for the whole congregation to say :
"Do not be ashamed to confess the faith of Christ crucified.
Fight valiantly as a disciple of Christ
against sin, the world and the devil,
and remain faithful to Christ to the end of your life."
I feel like it could be a big cheer at a Rugby match - "Go on girl, you can do it!"
And most importantly whichever path she chooses, however she decides to live her life, whatever she decides to do she will be loved, supported and accepted. By her family and by God. At no stage will she be able to delete or rub that out.

Back to the article! It says:
'The Church wonders aloud why, if atheists and secularists believe baptism is so meaningless, they are letting it upset them.'
and goes on:
'Mr Hunt supplies his own answer.
"Evangelical noises are getting louder and louder."'

I have to agree with the Church on this one. To me it seems that strong Atheist Organisations are the ones making loud Evangelical noises. They seem to be getting very worried about the people of a God they don't believe in and shouting louder and louder in an attempt to convert people to believing in nothing. Which still requires faith. I don't understand, and like I said at the beginning this is not an informed or intelligent discussion. All I do know is that I worship a living God, one with a thick skin and a sense of humour. I know that he exists because I talk to Him and He responds and my life has been better, lighter and more exciting to live since I took His hand and stepped over the threshold and started walking His path. Maybe Mr Hunt should go back, take a look at that path again and instead of trying to delete a historical record, make an informed and adult decision about where he is going to put his faith and hope, and then just get on with doing that, letting his actions and the way he lives his life be his witness.
Hannah x

Spring

As I walked out of college with my friend at lunchtime on Friday I was stopped dead in my tracks. The street was quiet, there was no commotion and I was feeling fine. "The sun!" I exclaimed, "I can feel the sun on my face!" It was the most wonderful feeling, and the warmth radiated not just onto my face but into my soul. I love the feeling of well being that the sunshine brings and the knowledge that spring is trying to push its way into being. Winter seems long and dark, and although I have achieved an enormous amount this winter the promised arrival of spring is very welcome. The last few weeks of the winter have been a strange time. On Sunday February 1st it started snowing, and didn't stop until half way through Monday 2nd. James and I woke up to a world hidden under a duvet of snow, no car noise, no trains, no buses. The bright cold whiteness filled our house. We started off on a journey to the supermarket and ended up sledging and snowballing with our friends and building an 8ft snowman outside our church, who was named 'Trevor Mapsnow'. As we returned home that afternoon to defrost and try and get on with life it felt odd, and that oddness didn't go for over a week. I felt disrupted and displaced, and despite the fun and laughter that the snow brought, I felt very uncomfortable, out of sync. College ended up very topsy turvy and culminated in a morning that left me on the verge of tears. Later that week I received some sad news. It was not entirely unexpected news but my reaction to it, and the feelings it brought with it were. The situation left me confused, and I found myself feeling very uncomfortable with a sense of loss I had not anticipated. The situation felt very awkward, and the confusion felt dark and sad. Several things happened over the next few days and most importantly instead of trying to shoulder all my emotions I poured them out to God. I had a conversation with a close friend which was helpful, although did not give me answers. As that week wore on things started to change, and out of a difficult situation God started to do His work. He created opportunities, blessed conversations, and gave answers to those who needed them. After just ten days what had seemed like a hopeless situation was bringing new life, new opportunities and new hope. It feels like everything is going to be OK, and where God was seemingly absent He is evident and at work. I guess its a bit like Spring. In the depths of winter, when we feel like we have been cheated out of our fair share of sunlight, when the trees are dark and naked, when there are no flowers and people huddle up under hats and scarves, there feels like there is very little hope. On the darkest coldest days it is difficult to remember that this will end, that there will be sunshine again. And then when you have had enough, just when you are least expecting it the sun comes out, bulbs start to push their way through the barren soil, daffodils dare to flash their bright yellow petals for all to see. And as the warmth of the sun hits our faces we remember that there is hope, there will be warm sunny days again, and that God is always working, renewing and bringing light to our darkness.

New Class

I met my new class on Tuesday morning. This is the class that I will teach for 12 weeks in two blocks and they will take me all the way through to qualifying as a teacher!

I hadn't been nervous until my train was pulling into the station - the same station I go to several times a week. A sudden realisation hit me that this class were the ones with whom I will discover my teaching style. my strengths, my weaknesses. They are the class with whom I will have good lessons, and truely awful ones.

There are two other trainees in my school so I am not completely alone. My mentor is also the 'lead' mentor for the school so all three of us went to meet her first. As the other two were taken off to their rooms and I stood alone in an empty classroom I felt very alone. I had a sudden cold dread of panic. 'Do I really want to do this?' I thought.

After leaving my last placement school on a high I am back at the bottom of the pile.

The morning was good. I am going to be OK. I know that I am not alone. I have the support of my mentor, SCITT and my fellow trainees. I also have the support of my husband, my family and my friends.

I also know that hundreds of trainee teachers have gone before me. Standing at the front of a class for the first time, armed with a lesson plan and a nervous smile. I know that I will make mistakes, but I'm ready to learn from them.